All I Ever Wanted

Dark Side of the Moon

"She's going to be okay, Steven... you heard them, it's benign. She just needs surgery."

I could hear bits and pieces of people talking like that. Talking about me, to different people. This time it sounded like Tom talking. But as much as I wanted to get up and ask what was happening, it was like my eyes were glued shut. But at the same time, I was sitting there, somewhere, eyes wide open looking into darkness. It was weird. Really, really weird.

"Things can go wrong in surgery. And this.. If I lose her..." I could hear how upset Steven was. I wanted to get up and hug him and tell him I was okay.

"Is she up yet?" Lizzie "Did they say how much longer until she wakes up?"

"No, but probably within the next couple of hours"

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted them to know I could hear them, but I couldn't wake up. So I screamed to myself in the darkness. I was scared, I was angry, I was upset. I needed someone, anyone.

"Aims."

Anyone but him.

I turned around, looking into the darkness as Gabriel stepped out of it. I felt myself crying. I actually wanted to be angry at him. Angry that he was right, angry that he was here, angry that I had to deal with him. But instead I cried out of relief. Because someone was here, or somewhat. I don't know why, but I needed to have someone to talk to.

"What's wrong with me? What happened?" I asked, crossing my arms and sobbing.

"You had a seizure. You were sent to the hospital, and they found a tumor on your frontal lobe." Gabriel said, walkng next to me "But they can cut it out. And it's not even going to kill you anyway."

"So I have to have brain surgery. Is that why Steven sounds so scared?" I asked, sitting down.

Gabriel nodded and sat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "They're all scared. Fuck, I'm scared for you too."

"You are?" I sniffled, looking up at him. "Why?"

"You think I want you here, Amy? You're young, happy, have your whole life in front of you.."

"So did you!" I said, crying harder "So did you! And look where you are! It's not fair! It's just not fair, Gabriel. It's just not fair..." I eventually dissolved into tears, screaming and crying.

Gabriel hugged me "Amy, if I had to die for you and Lizzie to live, then I'm okay with that. And I think I did."

"When did you stop hating me?" I asked after a few minutes of crying.

"I never really hated you. Or even Steven. I was just angry. But I could never hate you. I loved you." Gabriel said, still hugging me.

"I loved you too. I really, really did." I looked over at him, my vision blurry from tears.

"I know. It's time for you to wake up though, for now. I'll talk to you during the surgery, okay?" Gabriel said, giving me a supportive smile.

I smiled back before he disappeared, and I woke up in my bed. I turned looke around and saw everyone at dinner tonight crammed into the hospital room, talking amongst themselves and not to me.

"Guys..." I whispered, but nobody heard. "Guys." I said louder, and this time they heard me. "Good evening.."

In the blink of an eye, Steven shot up from his seat on the other end of the room, right next to my bed, kissing me like it was the first time he'd seen me in forever. I could tell just by the kiss how scared and worried he was.