A Thin Line Between Love & Hate (Love Conquers All series) ORIGINAL VERSION

Chapter 50: "A Father's Right"

"I cannot leave here, I cannot stay,
Forever haunted, more than afraid.
Asphyxiate on words I would say,
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue.
There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me."

- This Time Imperfect, AFI

Josh came out of a troubled, frightening dream to the sound of his father's voice, booming down on him like the voice of an angry God. The words were muffled and distorted as they pressed through the thick fog around Josh's mind. When he opened his eyes, moonlight poured down the stone steps.

The door is open...

A whimpered cry twisted up his throat and he crawled to the stairs and looked up. He could see the night sky, the tiny blinking stars; things he'd taken for granted before being cast into total darkness. He choked on a cry and started to scramble up the cold steps when his father suddenly loomed in the opening, blocking out a portion of the sky. Josh froze, his body shaking from both intense cold and mind-numbing fear.

The man lifted the open door as if to drop it closed once again.

"No!" Josh cried. "Please...let me out. Please!"

"Are you a faggot, Joshua?" Disgust saturated his father's voice. "Faggots go to hell. Do you like it in hell, Joshua? Do you want to stay there?"

"No!" Panic rushed through Josh and tears welled up fast, streaking down his face. "No—I don't want to go to hell! I'm not a faggot! I'm not!"

Abraham stepped back. "Come up here, Joshua."

His heart pounding, Josh scurried up the steps and tumbled out onto the cool, fresh grass. The crisp night air rushed into his lungs and he took deep gulps as he laid on his back, staring up at the sky, choking on sobs. His father closed the cellar door and locked it, then stood above Josh and stared down at him.

"Next time," he spoke with a brittle edge. "I won't be bluffing about what's down there in the dark with you. Do you understand me?"

Josh nodded, sobs hitching his chest.

"Get on inside, wash up, and go to bed. And when you wake up in the morning, for your sake, you better hope you're as straight as a fucking arrow. If I see even a spark of faggot in you—you will experience hell for real."

His father walked away. Josh lay unmoving, staring up at the stars, crying uncontrollably as he allowed himself one last dip into the memory of Brandon's kiss, his touch...his love...before he locked it all away for good.

"Goodbye," he whispered on a sob and rolled over, burying his face in his arms as his body curled in on itself and shook with the force of his unbearable loss.

†

12:10 a.m.

Elijah had been staring at the digital clock on the nightstand, watching the minutes change, since he'd gone to bed at a little after ten. His eyes felt thick and heavy with sleep but he couldn't sleep—not while Josh was missing.

He sat up. The wood floor chilled the soles of his feet. He remained fully dressed; hadn't been able to even crawl into bed and try to sleep when he didn't know where his little brother was, or what he was going through.

Elijah left his bedroom and walked out into the living room. It was dark but for the moonlight sifting through the thin curtains. His stare drifted to the picket signs stacked in the corner by one of the windows.