A Thin Line Between Love & Hate (Love Conquers All series) ORIGINAL VERSION

Chapter 60: "Barely Hanging On"

"I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK."

- Broken, Lifehouse

The GTO sat quietly parked on the shoulder of the road, a couple hundred yards from the driveway turnoff. Josh stared out the windshield, eyes vacant. "It would've been better for you if you'd never met me." His words drifted out on a low, hollow tone.

"No, it wouldn't." Brandon gripped the steering wheel, vision bleary. His eyes felt raw and swollen, and a quick glance in the rearview mirror revealed they were heavily bloodshot and rimmed in red. "Nothing will ever make me believe that." He sagged against the seat, his grip on the wheel loosening. "I'm not giving up, Josh. I know you think God can't change things, but he can. He will." Brandon looked at the other boy. "You just have to hold on, okay?"

Josh lowered his eyes to the floorboard. "For how long?"

"Until God steps in."

"What if he doesn't?"

"He will." Brandon reached over and took his hand. "He started putting things in motion when he moved you to this town."

Josh stared blankly at their clasped hands. "My father moved us here."

"No," Brandon murmured. "God did. Your father might think he was the one who made the decision, or that God sent your group here to condemn our gay community. But that isn't why he sent you here. He has a much greater plan in mind."

A fresh film of tears glazed Josh's eyes. "Do you really believe that?"

"With all my heart and soul."

Josh sat stone still, his tears thickening as the blank look in his eyes deepened. "When I'm with you," he whispered. "I kind of believe it, too. But when I'm home..." he shook his head slowly. "I don't feel God there. I don't think he can come there. It's too much like...hell."

Brandon gripped his hand tighter. "When Christ died, he went to hell...and he took the keys to death and hell...and set the captives free who had died before the way of salvation had been made. There is no place too dark or cold or frightening that he won't go to save his children." Emotion tightened his throat. "And you are one of his own, Josh. One of his beloved. He will come for you, I promise." He blinked and a single tear escaped. "Just don't let go. You're not alone." He blinked again and wiped his face, then reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew the item within. He cleared his throat. "I want you to take this."

Josh stared at the cell phone. "What?"

"It's my dad's old phone," Brandon said. "He said I could give it to you. It's still in service and my number is in there, and dad's new number, and James' number. Keep it and don't let anyone know you have it. And if you ever need me, if something happens and you need help, or you just want to talk to me..." he pressed the phone into Josh's hand. "Just call or text. I don't care what time of day or night, or for what reason...I'll be there for you."

Josh slid his thumb across the dark screen then looked at Brandon, eyes brimming with tears. "I love you," he whispered, trembling. "I want you to know that. Even...even if, at school, I have to pretend I don't know you, that I don't...I don't like you..." A quiet sob shuddered in his throat. "I need you to know that underneath all of that...I love you and miss you." He ducked his head, his sobs deepening. "Will you...will you remember that?"

Brandon struggled to keep it together. It wasn't working so well. He ran his fingers through Josh's hair and drew him close, touching brows as they cried together. "Nothing could make me forget." He kissed his face. "Nothing, baby."