Unconscious Soul

K

Eight years had gone by since I last seen your face.

And as soon as I stepped off the car, I saw how much you have matured.

You are no longer a boy; but a man.

And I am no longer a girl; but a woman.

We have both been to hell and back. Except your hell was worse than mine.

Explosions all around you.

My fear would take over when I wouldn't hear from you months at a time.

I thought once I saw you. I would have my friend back. And I did; but staring into your eyes and unmasking your raw soul.

I realized I didn't simply like you. But I was falling in love with you.

I write a lot about other guys but you are my one true answer.

You are what I have been waiting for.

My heart feels full of butterflies and I feel at peace.

I feel like my heart and mind finally know what they both want; and they concur.

But my timing has always been bad. And i find it sad that it still is.

You know the deepest part of my soul; because I chose to bare it all for you.

I stare at you and believe that after 3 minutes you know what love is.

How we can have hours of conversation and I see your eyes glisten with hope; but the hope falls for both when we realize you are not alone.

So we stay close, but not to close where we both hurt an innocent.

Innocent because she knows not of our lasting friendship.

I hate that I fell In love with you. I never thought I would understand what it feels like.

Like I can't breathe and my heart will explode with butterflies and flower blossoms.

You make my world feel right.
And the sadness consumes me. It consumes me because I know I can't have your love and you can't hold mine.

I wish I could tell you everything in person. But. Well... you know why. Why it's so hard for me to open up.

I know I can trust you with the full extent of my   Life.

But I'm not sure if you feel the same way; is your heart as breathless as mine?

So I cry. I cry of joy, sadness and love.

And if we never happen. If we never become one.

I want to thank you. Thank you for having my love and for breaking my soul.

I know you didn't do it with intention.

It was innocent.

But there is no one in this life; who I would have step on this heart but you.

I wish there was another word for love.
Because it's indescribable. A four letter word can't let you know how I feel about you

Being in love gives me chills; my body is so confused at how to react to these feelings.

Now all I can do is remember how this true piano fingers played a melody. A sweet melody that still vibrates through my ears. Remembering the beautiful way you touched those keys. So effortless and endearing.

I miss you already and I hope to one day be at peace.

I hope one day I meet someone like you. A true gentleman. Honest. Respectful and kind. But flawed and not perfect.

You said you wished I did too.

And I so wished to tell you I wanted it to be you. But I'm not courageous. I put up a front. But I coward behind it; careful to not reveal my feelings for you.

Scared too scared that you won't feel the same.