Love Persists

Chapter 12

Mandie's POV:
"So they are not aware of your cutting?" Erik asked me, his question causing the blood in my face to drain.

"Wh-what do you mean?" I asked, trying my best to feign confusion as I subconsciously pulled the sleeves of my sweatshirt further down my wrists to make sure they were covered.

"I know those scratches on your wrists are not merely accidental cuts, at first I may have told myself that that was the case, but I cannot deny it any longer. Mandie, why do you cut yourself?"

"I-I do not know, I suppose it is because it feels good. It almost feels as though the pain leaves my body as the blood seeps out. I know it may seem strange, but it helps me deal with everything going on around me."

"May I look at your wrists?"

A little hesitantly rolled back the sleeves of my sweatshirt to show the cuts to him, "for shows and such and during the summer I try my best to cover them in makeup, but when I can hide them beneath a sweatshirt, I find it much easier."

Tears pierced Erik's golden eyes as he traveled one of his fingers along a scar. I shivered at his touch, feeling something almost pleasurable when his skin met mine.

I was taken out of my thoughts when Erik spoke up, "Mandie, you have to stop doing this, you could hurt yourself more than just leaving scars. You are my only friend at this school and I do not want to lose you."

"You didn't seem so concerned about friends when you first came here, why should now be any different?"

"Because you were right about me, I do long for compassion, I pray that some day someone will allow me to open up to them and provide the comfort necessary. You have been there for me, unlike anyone I have ever met before and the thought of losing you is more than I can bare. Please promise me that you will stop harming yourself, I would never be able to live with myself if you were to die and I did nothing to stop it."

"Oh Erik," I spoke, unable to say much more as tears filled my eyes. "I never knew how much you cared, but it will not be easy for me to stop cutting, I hope that you understand that."

"I will be there for you whenever you need me, I promise, just please, do not subject yourself to this pain."

I let out a small sigh, "I will try."

"I shall check your wrists ever day that way I know that you have stopped, if that is alright with you."

I nodded uncertainly, but knew that I had other places on my body where I had cut in the past if I was unable to do what Erik asked. I did feel bad about lying to him, but I knew that one person who cared wouldn't erase the pain that I felt or the desire to leave this world as a whole.

"Well, I have opened up to you about my life. You now know my darkest secrets my so now it's your turn," I spoke, putting a smile on my face and smiling at him.

"My turn?" Erik asked in confusion, looking at me as though I was insane.

"Yeah, what secrets do you hide? I'm sure that you have plenty, being as mysterious as you are."

"Mysterious? Well, I suppose there is something that I have been wanting to tell you, but never really found the right moment for it," he began, seeming quite hesitant. "But you will only think me insane if I do confess it to you."

"Nothing you say will change how I feel about you, Erik," I replied, part of me hoping that he was about to confess thinking of me more than just a friend, although I knew how unlikely that was.

"Have you ever noticed how I prefer music from the nineteenth century and earlier? That is because that was the only type of music I grew up to. Back when I was a child, if I wished to hear music, I would have to play it myself, there were no recording devices made so that you could later playback music and listen to it whenever you wanted. Once I got older and left my mother's house, I discovered that by sneaking into concert halls and opera houses, I could hear that music for free and without having to entertain myself. Mandie, what I am trying to tell you is that I am not like you, I am not from this time period- I was born in the 1800's."