Love Persists

Chapter 31

Mandie's POV:
Erik was waiting for me when I got home, a smile spreading across his lips the moment he saw me. I felt my heart skip a beat, still unable to remain clam whenever I saw him. He ignored Nadir who went into the kitchen, most likely in search of something of Erik's to drink.

"Did you find a dress that you liked, mon amour?" Erik asked, taking my hands in his and placing a peck upon my forehead.

"Yes, but you don't get to know anything about it, not until the wedding day," I replied with a radiant smile, not realizing how much I had missed him. "But actually there was something that I was thinking of while I was looking for a dress that I wanted to talk to you about."

"Do you not want to go through with the wedding?" He asked, suddenly looking extremely concerned.

"No, no of course not!" I immediately replied, the mere idea absurd. "It is actually concerning something after the wedding."

He looked slightly confused as he spoke uncertainly, "I can only think of one thing that might concern you after the wedding and I can assure you I would be happy to wait as long as you would like, please do not feel pressured to-"

"No, Erik it isn't that either. I was just wondering if you had ever thought of having children."

"Oh," he spoke, clearly not expecting me to have brought up the subject so directly.

"Would you like to have children, Erik?" I prompted, hoping that he could not tell my opinion in my voice.

"Mandie, first of all, even if I did want children it wouldn't be up to me, I would let you be the deciding factor as you would be the one having to carry it for months and then go through labor. That being said, I would much prefer not to have any children, I am sorry if you were hoping to have them."

"And why not?" I pressed, feeling a bit discouraged by his response.

"I just do not see the point in having offspring. There is certainly more than enough humans on earth, so it is clearly not a necessity and they are too much work. They require entire devotion, something I am not ready to give to anything except for you and music. They are loud and obnoxious, will keep us up all night when they are young and then go through that rebellious phase and then leave, there is not much more to it. And all that is granted the child is not born with a deformity like I was or that the child accepts me as their father, even with my deformity. I will spare you any other reasons as I am sure that you understand the idea."

"Yes, I-I suppose I do," I replied, feeling as though I was closed to tears. "But I still do not understand why you think this way. You are focusing on the negatives rather than the positives. Have you ever thought about the magical moments that come along with having a child? Hearing him or her laugh for the first time, or walk, or say their first word? You would have someone to teach music to, you could make them your protege-"

"I-I am sorry, Mandie, I just believe that the negative outweighs the positive," he interrupted, clearly understanding how heartbroken I was.

"There has to be something more Erik, that can't be the only reason," I pressed, desperately searching for a way to convince him to change his mind.

"No, there is no other reason, I simply do not want to have children. And if I do not want them, we will not have them," he spoke, a bit harsher as he began to leave the room.

I could tears fall from my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away, knowing it was foolish to cry about something so futile. I did not need children, perhaps we could get a pet or something and it would replace having a child. But I knew it wouldn't be the same and this desire to have a child would never be quenched.

"I-I am sorry, Mandie," Erik spoke, returning to my side, cupping my face in his hand. "There is something else- I-I do not believe I will be able to create a child. I did not want to promise to have children, but then have that promise broken by something out of my control."

"Erik, why would you think something like that?" I asked, suddenly concerned that he had been in love before and had tried to father a child with her.

"Look at me, Mandie, I am more monster than man, how would I be able to be a father?"

"You are more of a man than anyone I have ever met before. Please, let us try for a child and if it does turn out to be impossible, it is not a necessity in life and we can move on. At least be willing to try, for me," I begged him, taking his hand in mine and placing a kiss upon it.

"I do not want you to get your hopes up, but I would be willing to try," he promised, causing me to break out into a smile and I let my lips meet his.