𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 || 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

Chapter 1 ~ Back from Perdition

Episode: Season 4 - Lazarus Rising Pt. 1

You know that in between state? The one between falling asleep and waking? You see and hear things happening around you but you're powerless to do anything about it? That's what it felt like to lose Dean Winchester. I could see it all happening in slow-motion around me but I couldn't move. I couldn't speak, couldn't think, couldn't breathe. But I guess that was what grief felt like.

We all dealt with it in our own ways. Bobby threw himself into hunting, the constant research and phone calls keeping his mind occupied. Sam went off with that demon girl of his, Ruby. I never told him I knew of his little secret. It wasn't really my place to judge. Not with my mother being a witch.

And me, you ask? What happened to Parker Martinez after Dean's death? In short? She lost herself. For better or worse, she was no longer the innocent girl she used to be. Having nowhere to go, I stayed with Bobby.

We worked on cases together with me posing as his daughter. It felt right. Bobby had always been like a dad to me anyhow. We lost touch with Sam, though. He'd vowed to bring back Dean. But I was worried at what lengths he'd go to do it.

That scared me. With all these psychic abilities, a demon girlfriend, and now the loss of his older brother, Sam was slowly becoming someone I didn't even know anymore. And it scared me to death. Maybe all of these things contributed to my own shortcomings. With the depression that followed Dean's death, I had done some things I wasn't proud of in an attempt to get over him. I tried anything to get him out of my head - meth, cocaine, weed, smoking, way too much alcohol.

Bobby had been so worried about me, he'd considered putting me in rehab unless I pulled myself together. Eventually I had but still...I didn't feel like me without Dean. I felt like the grief had changed me. And it had - it had swallowed me whole and spit out this new version - this Parker that not even I recognized anymore.

Bobby and I had just gotten home from working a case one day when there was a knock on the door. I looked over at Bobby and he just shrugged, waiting for me to answer it. The person was knocking insistently now and I huffed, making my way to the door. Why must I always be the one to answer the door?! I thought to myself with a roll of my dark eyes. Briefly, I glanced into the round, low-hanging mirror in the hallway. I caught a glimpse of my short, ebony hair - another result of my depression when I had wanted to change up my look.

Looking away, I headed towards the door once more as the pounding came again.

"Alright, alright! Cool it, I'm coming!" I yelled to the visitor on the other side of the door.

But when I wrenched it open, I saw something that couldn't possibly be true. My mouth went dry and I felt all the air leave my lungs, like someone had punched me in the gut. My dark brown orbs connected to familiar candy-apple green eyes and I let out a strangled cry.

"Dean?"