Never Know {Not Edited}

Right My Wrongs

ERIC
August 23rd

"Do you know her yes or no?" Kira asked for the third time, she's been tripping for the past week and I honestly don't know why. "No man, how many times I gotta tell you that?" I stated agitated, she got mad cuz the neighbor daughter asked me to take a look at her engine and she swore up and down we had something going on.

"You get dressed up like that, just to fix somebody car? I'm not stupid." She argued, "I was going to take care some business Baby Doll, she caught me before I left." I informed her, she rolled her eyes then walked into the living room. "Why you think I would cheat on you so bad? You don't trust me for whatever reason ma and I'm starting to get mad."

I told her, she ignored me and just looked at the tv. I picked up the remote and cut the tv off causing her to look at me as if I were crazy. "Give me the remote." She demanded, I shook my head. "Why you got it in your head that I'm out here doing you dirty?" I repeated, she just stared at me.

"I'm not that goofy ass dude you was with." I stated, "Of course, he never cheated." She insulted causing me to let out a dry laugh. "We weren't dating when I used to fuck with ole girl and I never cheated on you.. YOU DI-." I cut myself before I said something I was gonna regret.

"I what? Cheated?" She asked getting up in my face, I took a step to the side. "Gon' head, I ain't tryna go there with you." I warned trying to walk away, but she stopped me. "I never cheated ON YOU, I cheated WITH YOU! With somebody I actually thought I would marry! I cheated with you, on someone who stepped up and did what YOU were scared to do! I took those hits, not you, ME! I did my wrongs and I had to pay for them!"

I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't allow me. "You were my first everything! But you left me and CHASE, not YOU! CHASE stepped up and I fell for him harder than I should have. Everything that went left was because of ME! I knew better but didn't wanna do better! I fucked up! Forgive me if I think you're cheating on me with any girl I see you come in contact with, that's just my own guilt creeping up on me."

She paused and took a breath. "I fuck up, I can admit, I always only wanted YOU, but you made me drift to someone else. I gave another person what I only wanted to allow you to have. I fucked up, I don't deserve half the shit you give me and you don't deserve half the shit I put you through. I'm trying to cope with everything I really am.. I just.. I can't." She cried, I tried to pull her into me but she pushed me away and went upstairs.

I stared at the door and just let what she said sink in. She blames what happened on her, nobody deserves to go through what she went through. I told her that before , I honestly thought she understood that, but as I see it's still eating at her. I ruined her mentally and so did that fuck boy, I had to right my wrongs and I had to do it cautiously.
*
*
"Can I come in?" I asked as I knocked lightly on the door. She's been locked up in the room for the past two hours. After I heard the lock click, I pushed the door open lightly. She was laying on her back staring up at the ceiling. "Do you wanna talk?" I questioned, leaning against the door, she shook her head.

"Would you listen if I do the talking?" I asked, she glanced at me then back up at the ceiling. "O k.." I mumbled as I walked over to her and laid next to her. "First thing I should start by saying is, I'm sorry." I said as I took ahold of her hand.

"I'm sorry for allowing you to get shot, I'm sorry for getting myself so comfortable that I wasn't cautious enough to pay attention to my surroundings. I'm sorry I got locked up and always found a way to pick arguments with you." I paused, "I can say "I'm sorry" a million times, but it still wouldn't change or mean shit ma."

I told her honestly, "I can say, I never meant to make you feel that I wasn't feeling you like that anymore and you had to go off and find someone else to show you and give you what I should've been. I was wrong for getting mad at the fact that you were becoming happy without me, I missed you like crazy and I don't think you should feel any blame for falling in love with someone other than me."