The Truth of the Matter

What Did You Say?

8 Weeks

We were getting ready for my 8 week checkup. It has been rough so far. Morning sickness everyday and my mood has been very unpredictable, not that it isn't normally, but it's been magnified by ten easy. I'm honestly surprised and quite happy that Killian has managed to stay by my side through everything so far. It's only going to get harder, but if he's proven one thing, it's that he's loyal to a fault and willing to put all my needs before his own.
"Come on, Swan! We're going to be late!" Killian shouts from the kitchen.
I was so exhausted. Between working overtime and being pregnant, I'm surprised I'm even a walking zombie.
"Killian..." I grumble.
He chuckles at my whining. I punch him in the shoulder.
"Ouch, Swan. Geez...what did I do to deserve that?"
"Just gimme food."
He sets a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me, with a bowl of oatmeal on the side. I give him a quick kiss before digging into my food.
After a quick breakfast, we head to the hospital.
"Morning, Emma, Killian. How are we doing today?" Addison asks as she brings us back.
"Well...someone didn't want to get out of the bed this morning," Killian says, chuckling lightly. I glare at him.
"You try being pregnant and tell me how easy it is," I respond tightly.
He holds his hands up in surrender.
"I've been fine. Just a little moody and the morning sickness is picking up. Other than that, I think we're good."
"Good. If you'll lay back and lift up your shirt, we'll take a look and see if we can find the baby."
I do as she says and I flinch when the cold gel is squirted on my stomach. Addison apologizes, but continues. It takes a few moments of searching, but eventually she smiles and looks surprised...?
"Addison?" I ask worriedly.
"Would you like to see them?" She asks.
Them? There's more than one?
"Did you say, 'them'?" I ask nervously.
"Look for yourself," she says with a chuckle and turns the monitor in our direction. Sure enough, there are two little blobs.
I don't know if I was more shocked or scared. One would be hard enough, but two? Two would be...here comes the anxiety.
"You'll need to be more closely monitored with twins. They tend to be born earlier and you'll have to stop the physical side of work earlier. Especially with the field you're in. You will still be able to work, but you will only be allowed to do desk work." She prints off a few pictures and turns off the machine before wiping the gel off my belly.
"Everything looks good and I'm not worried about any complications with your pregnancy. As long as you're careful, everything should be fine. I'll have the receptionist set up your next appointment in four weeks?"
"Thank you, Addison," Killian answers. I seem to be on lockdown.
"Thank you," I manage to say as we walk out the door.
When we get to the car, Killian cracks down.
"Emma, what's going on inside that beautiful head of yours?" He asks gently.
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"Emma, I can tell you're lying," he smirks.
"I thought that was my job," I chuckle. "I guess I'm just scared because I've never raised a kid before. I just gave birth to one and gave it up. That's not good parenting, Killian. That's giving up. I'm not mother material and two just terrifies me," I confess.
"Emma, I'm scared too. I didn't have a good family growing up either. You know that. Hell, two terrifies me too. But you don't need to worry about being a good mother. You're an amazing woman, Emma, and I've seen you interact with children that have been brought into the station. They trust you."
"I just don't want them to know what it feels like. What I went through, nobody should have to go through, Killian. It's neither right, nor fair, but it's in the past, whether it stays there or not. I just...I want our children to have everything we can give them. And I don't know how to right now. I'm learning, you're learning. You'll be a great father. You understand things in ways that astound me. I love you, Killian."
"I love you too." He kisses me softly before we head to the station.