The Girl on the Reset Button

December 31, 2010

“Do you want to see the fireworks display? I can take you to the roof top.”

She smiled. “Really? You would do that for me?”

“Of course.” I tried to return back her smile.

She nodded. I immediately rushed towards her, carried her and placed her in a wheelchair. “Do you feel comfortable? Or do you want me to get you another one.”

“No,” she held my hand, “I’m fine with this.”

We exchanged some smiles for a while and then I started pushing her towards the elevator. Moments after, we’re on the roof top, waiting for the big ball in Times Square to drop.

Dear Diary,

I met a girl named Via last December 20 in the hospital where I worked. It was my first time to see her there but according to my colleagues, she’s been there for a decade already. She lost her family in an accident. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know anything about that. She has a what they call ‘Goldfish disease’ where a person tends to forget whatever she had been after 24 hours. The accident sadly damaged her temporal lobe which was important in remembering things. Doctors can’t do anything to fix her lobe because if something go wrong, then her brain would be damaged, causing her death in worst case.

Ever since her accident, she’s been with the pediatricians for so long, until they found out that she has leukemia, cancer of the blood. Hers were somehow curable with treatments she’s been taking. Sadly, her treatments made her weaker. She has to use a wheelchair in order to move around the hallways.

But the saddest part is, she kept on forgetting that she has leukemia the next day. She has a Goldfish disease. And no one was patient enough to understand her ailment. Then, they transferred me to her ward, to take care of her every day. Which was fine, though. Except for the fact that… I was already falling in love with her.

We already spent a year together. Minutes later, it would be our second anniversary together. And I want it to be beautiful. That’s why I brought her up in the rooftop to let her see the annual ball dropping in Times Square that she’s been missing out.

For once I thought that I was the most pitiful man on earth. But then I met her. And I realized that I’m a bit lucky despite of the fact that I lost everyone and everything, too, except for this job, which is being a nurse or a caretaker.

I’ve been through that stage where I can’t hold on to anyone except for myself and it was frustrating. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know. I just don’t know. There came a time where I just want to end my life, but I was so stupid that I can’t even hurt myself even more. I thought that physical pain wouldn’t be as much painful as emotional pain, as much painful as the pain I felt when my family turned their backs towards me, when my girlfriend dumped me, when my best friend just flew to Sacramento without even telling me that his leaving… when everything, everyone I’m holding to was gone. All gone.

I’ve been through that stage. And I don’t want that to happen to anyone anymore. That’s why this new year, I’m going to give Via the most grateful moments of her life.

I hope she’ll enjoy the fireworks display. Even if she’ll just forget them the next day.