Camera Shy || Ben Barlow

Sixteen

            "They don't give you many holidays, do they, Es?" Mum said, judgementally (as always), causing me to wince. I'd gotten used to the boys all calling me Es. Ben called me Es. Ben. Ben had texted me four times since I'd left the tour. Only for a couple of days, obviously, but left nonetheless.

Why won't you talk to me?

I'm sorry if it's something we did

I'm sorry if it's something I said

Es please

"No, mum. They don't," I said, knowing full well that I was allowed to leave as and when I wanted to. "I don't really need them, though."

"Well, it's not like you've got a proper job, so I suppose you're right." I couldn't be bothered to argue with her, today. I wanted naps on the sofa and snacks in bed in the middle of the night, having to worry about waking everyone up opening the fridge because, here, no one stayed up until three in the morning watching Netflix (I'm looking at you, Zach).

I placed myself on the sofa, looking through the most recent few pictures I'd taken. Subconsciously or not, there were more of Ben than usual (half of them awful, the other half angelic). I hovered over the delete button, but knew I'd regret it in a few days when I missed him. A swift knock, and then the door opening woke me from my concentration on the details of Ben's face, something I really shouldn't have been concerning myself with.

"Mum?"

"Elliot!" I shouted, jumping up, not caring about where my blanket as going to land. I hadn't exactly missed my mum – she wasn't an overly miss-able woman, you see – but I'd missed my brother with every fibre of my being. I slipped on the hardwood floor, and then on the linoleum tiles, practically falling into my brother. Danielle, my brother's girlfriend, laughed softly, in that way that she always did, from her place slightly behind him, and to the left.

"Missed me, I take it?" I nodded into his shoulder, not willing to let go, but knowing that I'd have to eventually.

"Just a tiny bit," I whispered. It felt like home again, now. I'd considered going back to the flat that I was still paying for, and still not living in, but decided that it would never feel quite like home with no one else in it; I was too used to being surrounded by noise.

"How's work?" Elliot asked, after I'd let go of him and let him sit on the sofa.

"No comment," I said, not wanting to talk about kissing my boss in the middle of a nightclub.

"That bad, then? I've just been promoted, but don't tell mum. You know what she's like; she'll never shut up about it and then all you'll hear for the next six months is 'well Elliot got a promotion at his real job'."

"Promoted?!" I whisper yelled, containing my pride without containing my pride. "El, you're gonna be minted."

"Yeah, I'll have to be for when this baby comes, if it's as demanding as this one," he said, looking stressed in the happiest way possible.

"Baby? I'm going to be an auntie? Auntie Essa? That's got a great ring to it."

"I told you she'd be excited," Danielle said, smiling while backhanding my brother in the belly, insulting him without really insulting him at all. I wish mum would insult be without insulting me.

"Of course she's excited. When isn't she excited?"

"I'm not excited to go back to work tomorrow, I can tell you that," I grumbled, imagining having to come face to face with Ben. In that moment, I'd wished we'd never become friends, that the relationship had remained strictly professional, or as professional as a relationship could be when you'd seen every incriminating part of someone's body.