Camera Shy || Ben Barlow

Epilogue

It had been nearly eight hours since I'd dropped my camera to its demise in my new least favourite tourist attraction. I'd never look at Pingu the same again. At nearly eleven o'clock at night, the boys all making awful penguin related jokes, Ben pulled me up to my feet and just held me like he hasn't seen me for weeks. "I want to show you something," he said, simply, briefly touching my nose with his (only for the boys to call him gay), before pulling me out of the room. "But you have to promise you won't laugh at me, yeah?" I nodded, although he couldn't see me due to his decision to drag me along behind him through the hotel's corridor. 

"Where are we going?" 

"The bus," he said, as though it were entirely obvious and I was an idiot for even trying to suggest otherwise. 

"Look, Ben, I'm not down for-"

"Not for that, dickhead," he snapped, but pleasantly, as he pulled me into a lift that I didn't like the look of. If we were being honest, I was terrified of all lifts in general. We weren't being honest, so I stood next to Ben, not letting go of his hand, like a civilised human being would, and ignored the lurching feeling in the pit of my stomach. "You'll feel better. I promise," he whispered, more to himself than to me. I'd been trying to convince myself through tears that I'd get over it, but I still wasn't too sure. 

"Why do we need to go to the bus?"

"It's on the bus, Es." He spoke to me as if he were speaking to a child. I wasn't sure if I found it comforting or enraging, but it definitely made my heart hurt in some way. I let him gently nudge me out of the lift, glaring at a receptionist who thought it was acceptable to give us odd looks for not being fully dressed. In hindsight, it was acceptable to give us funny looks for not being fully dressed, but neither Ben nor I were about to admit that anytime soon. 

He unlocked the bus with a kind of grace I'd never seen from him before. My precious clumsy little Ben Barlow had momentarily disappeared but made his grand reappearance while stumbling through the doorway. He switched the light on and softly pushed me onto a chair, cupping my cheek in his hand before saying, "Stay there, for me. I know how you get." He was referencing my childish fear of the dark. I hated shadows, most of all. I shook my head and clung to the sleeve of his shirt. 

"Don't," I whispered, pulling myself to my feet and following him into the bunks. I felt like a thrill-seeking teenager sneaking off into an abandoned building to take illegal pictures. Except I didn't even own a decent camera anymore. 

He pushed me, again, but onto his bunk this time. A bunk that I'd endearingly began to associate with glitter and staying up too late trying to stop Fil and Dani from talking and giggling like little girls having a tour long sleepover. "Stay there."

"What are you looking for?" I asked, choosing to ignore the fact that he'd spoken to me like a degenerate puppy trying to follow him out of the door for work. 

"I can't find it."

"Can't find what?" I asked, impatiently. I felt like a little girl whose parents were ignoring all of her questions. Thankfully, I was twenty years old and Ben was not my parent. I sincerely hoped not anyway. 

"Back to the hotel room. Fuck." He kicked the bunk below his in despair and I hopped off his surprisingly not uncomfortable bed. 

"What were you looking for?"

"I'll tell you when I find it," he mumbled, taking my hand again and pulling me from the bus, clumsily locking the door behind us. "I must have taken it upstairs." His fingers were warm already, but he rubbed them and blew into his palms before re-grabbing my hand and leading me back towards the hotel, where a different member of staff gave us a disgusted glare due to our attire. I'd suffered a tragedy; I was allowed to walk around in my boyfriend's t-shirt and a pair of Fil's boxers. 

I knocked on the door lightly, not wanting to wake anyone up. "Dani don-" I heard from the other side, as Dani whipped open the door with a grin. Fil had reached out his hand as if to grab at something. "-'t open the door..." he trailed off, a guilty look on his face. On the floor, sitting directly behind him were West and Sam, flicking through Ben's precious book. 

"Oops."

"Yeah," Ben said, not looking at Danny. "Oops." He snatched the book from Fil's hands and glared at the boys before softly placing it in my fingers. "For you," he said with an awkward twist of his lips. 

I ran my fingers down the front cover of the white book that Ben had spent the last year or so protecting with his life, unsure of whether or not I could actually open it now that I'd been given the chance. Who was I kidding? Fuck yes I could open it. 

"I can't believe he didn't tell me what was in it," Sam grumbled. 

"West didn't know either," Ben said, flippantly, keeping his eyes on me as I pushed the hardback cover away from the first page to reveal a photograph. 

"Yes I did." 

"So I'm the only one who never knew!" Sam raged in the background. 

I took a seat on the bed I'd been sharing with Fil earlier that night and breathed in the sight of the first photograph I'd taken of Ben, professionally, since I'd started my job here. He hadn't been smiling, but I didn't know the true dazzling extents of his teeth back then, so I hadn't minded. I minded, now. 

"What's this?" I whispered, flicking through the pages. Various images from various days out. The Hawaiian shirt. Fil and Dani over the toilet bowl. London. Paris. That awful photo of Ben's bare arse that I never wanted to see again my life. 

"I wanted to ge tto know you better but I didn't know how, so I took your pictures. And then I fell in love with you."

"I knew he was gay," Fil mumbled somewhere behind me.

"I knew you were gay, Ben Barlow." 

A/N: SO THAT'S A WRAP

i'm not crying, you're crying

seriously though thank you all so much for getting this far (4.1k reads is INSANE). i know i don't thank you guys enough but i really really hope you understand how much i appreciate you all

and even though my beloved Camera Shy is done, THIS IS NOT THE END OF AN ERA so don't panic

I'm here to stay with a cheeky little Fil fic, so check that out if you're ready for more mediocrely written neck deep fics

you've been great, i've been mediocre

love you all <3