This is a conversation between a serial killer and a cat.
"Meow" said a cat. "Hi cat. I have done horrible things." said a serial killer. the cat purrs quietly. "Sometimes I wish I was just a cat. Life seems simpler that way.". A cat says "Yes, life is simpler that way. Being a cat and stuff.".
"Holy shit, you can talk? Or am I just going insane?" asked a serial killer. A cat answered "You are just insane.". "Oh, great." said the serial killer."Or maybe not, who knows" said a cat.
"Hey, I'm not normal, I can't help it!" "Why am I projecting myself onto a cat?" said a serial killer."Because you like talking to cats who can speak." said a cat.
"Shit,you're right. I must tell you something kitty." said the serial killer.
"Alright."
"I have a dark secret, a really dark one." "If you even meow this shit to anyone I will find you. I can give you vasectomy. Caphiche?" said the serial killer. "I won't tell anyone. Don't worry" answers a cat.
"I'm a murderer. Not just your ordinary run of the mill however." said a serial killer.
"I already knew that." said the cat. "How did you know that?" asked a serial killer. "I have been... Following you."
"What? Why? How?" asked a serial killer. "Well, i have nothing else to do." said the cat.
"If you know everything about me Mr.Smartycat, then I guess you can tell me who I killed the last time around."
"Call me Bob." said a cat."Well, Bob, you didn't tell me much did you? Or wait, did I kill you? I have had a hard time remembering this stuff." asked the serial killer. "No, you just killed someone called Bob. I am Bob the cat and not the Bob you killed." said Bob the cat."So, you're not any of the other 57 Bobs I killed?" asked the serial killer.
"Nope" answered Bob.
"I guess that makes sense. I always imagined they would come back as bobcats."
"And then talk to you?" asked Bob. "Fuck if I know. I just kill them." answers the serial killer.
"How does it feel like to... Kill bobs?"
"Satisfying and arousing. How does it feel like being a cat?"
"I could murder so many things and people wouldn't know. It's nice being a cat."
"Wait, you like murdering too?" asks the serial killer.
"Maybe." answers the cat
"I know this is going to sound weird but..would you want to murder someone with me? Maybe put a stop to the Bob-spree?" asks the serial killer. "Okay" answers Bob.
"We could murder more than one person, if you want" said Bob.
"I was thinking about stopping at 60." said the serial killer.
"Maybe more than 60?" asked Bob.
"80?" Asked the serial killer.
"Sounds fine to me" answered Bob.
"I mean, I need time to make lampshades out of human skin. I need to have some free time." said the serial killer. "We can still kill 80 people. You can have your free time, too." said Bob.
"Can you make lampshades?" asked the serial killer. "No, I have paws." answered Bob. "Does that stop you?" asked the serial killer. "Well, I could try." answered Bob.
"You know what, Bob?"
"What?"
"This feels like the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
