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Minutes pass till I realise that im standing there with an 'O' shaped mouth.

what've just happened ?

nobody, literally nobody has kissed me since .. him. I have nearly forgot how kissing had felt. and to be honest, his kiss was overwhelming.

I got this stingy feeling inside of me .

the feeling of being guilty.guilty that im doing something im not allowed to do. not allowed by myself.

I remember months ago when I promised myslef I would never do this again.

but I didn't kiss him back, so I think  there's no need for being guilty.

right ?

I Dont even know how to react about this? should I be mad ? happy ? I don't Know but all I know is that I Won't overthink it.

I Go Downstairs.  Harry is standing in the kitchen holding a bag of crisps,  and chewing some on his mouth.

"Do you want some ?" he says holding the bag out for me. looking down on the wood patterned floor avoiding eye contact with me.

"No Thanks, I don't eat in the early morning" I say forcing a warm smile. this is so uncomfortable.

"oh" he says finally looking at me " I think I'll drive you home"he says while walking to the door. and I follow after him.

he rides in the car and I ride after him in the passenger seat. 

the drive home is really quiet till he speaks up.

"I'm Sorry for .." he pauses like he's thinking about what he'll say " what I did earlier"

"It's okay" I say so caussually. not wanting to cause a scene.

we reach the house and harry stops the car . he opens his mouth to say something but I speak up before he does.

"Thanks for the ride" I say quickly before getting out of the car and entering the house.

I open the door to find my mother sitting with her mid-aged friends, probably chatting about something like  how over priced the  healthy vegetables are. not giving shit about her daughter staying out of the house and coming back the next morning.

"oh hey jessica, dont forget to close the door behind you !" my mum calls when she notices me entering the house.

I don't answer her instead I go upstairs. the first thing I do is jumping on the bed, not trying to think about anything that had had happened. I really need to clear my mibd from thibgs and the best thing to do right now is sleep. 

I close my eyes not bothering to change my clothes, and fall asleep not so long after.

***

I open my eyes and check the time on my phone.  6:26 pm , the screen says. today is Saturday.  I dont have work, I dont have school, nothing to do today.

I check the numbers on my phone, there aren't really any numbers except for my mother , my sister and my father's. I should really take some friends' numbers from school.

the ones that tried to rape you. my mind says but I choose to ignore it.

what about about I go out for a walk instead of just sitting here.

yeah. but I dont have a car. so I'll just sit here and think about how poor and miserable my life is.

seconds later I hear the front door open. Probably mum brought one more of her friends.

I hear a male's voice talking. it sounds familiar though. 

I will go to see who's it from upstairs.

I got out of the room and try to peek from upstairs without anyone seeing me.

I look down at the living room and surprisingly my mother's friends are still sitting there. I look at the door and my mun Is standing with

Harry?

I didn't realise that I said that out loud untill my mum looks up at me and waves. she gives me a " come downstairs" look and im already down within seconds.

"What are you doing here ?" I whisper to harry with gritted teeth but loud enough for my mother to hear.

"Jessica dont be rude! he came to spend some time with you , now how nice is that !" she says smiling at harry and I roll my eyes.

"Fine but we'll go upstairs and you can sit here and complete your chat with your friends" I say as I take harrys hand to rush upstairs.

"Oh no he'll come and say hi to the ladies" my mother says and takes his hand and walk to the living the room.

"no wait " I yell but she ignores me anyway.

"hey ladies this is harry" my mother introduces the curly headed boy to the mid-aged women sitting.

"aww is that your boyfriend jessica ?!" one blonde woman  that i dont even know says.

"No !" I feel my cheeks heat up and anger boils inside me.

I hear another comments like "you two are so cute together" and " love birds !" and some other shitty sentences.

I rush upstairs before I punch one of those women till death. harry follows me laughing.  I enter my door and close the door after harry.

"only if you saw your face" harry says holding his head back in laughter " you looked like a tomato" he says laughing even more. his dimples popping off his cheeks and his eyes squeezed closed. he is so beautiful.

"This isn't funny !" I say trying not to smile and the curly boy laughing infront of me "What are you doing here anyway ?"

"Nothing. just found myslef a bit bored so decided to come by"

"It's not like we're friends so you can come by at any moment !" I snap at him. soon regreting what I said.

his smile fades and he looks at me like I just slapped him.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean this I-"

"It's okay I'll leave" he says interrupting me and opening the door.

"No no, Don't leave please I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't mean it" I say holding one of his wrists .

"It's okay don't apologise" he says smiling again but soon his smile fades again.

"can I ask you something ?"

"sure" he says.

"Why did you kiss me ?" I ask

"What ?" he says frowning his eyebrows.

"I said " I pause swallowing "Why did you kiss me ?"

"I didn't kiss you"

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hey guys ! sorry for the late update I just have a lot of exams

dont forget to vote !

love yoooou xoxoxox

-sara

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