Echo Creek Mental Institution

Chapter 5: Normal is as Normal does

I sway in my dress and bounce on the balls of my feet at the same time. Trust me, it takes skills. An art therapy class is taking place behind me and i can hear kids protesting doing anything an adult tells them too.
I turn my head as a woman with short, black hair walks towards me. Her blazer and hair blend together so that it's impossible to tell how long her hair is. When she gets closer, I can barely see what color her eyes are, they are so thin and hidden behind cat glasses. She's a whole head above me and doesn't look up from her clip bored. 
"Estella Bu-" she begins to read.
"That's me!" I interrupt. "It's Star, by the way."
She raises an eyebrow and say skeptically. "Alrighty, Star. Step into my office?"
I doubt I'm allowed to say no. "Alrighty." So I follow her a few doors down and into a quaint, little room. It's tiled the same as every other, like a school, but she has nice wallpaper up. Flowers and maps. A bookshelf is stretched across the wall to my left and a couch sits to my right. She was a small desk in the corner, but mostly the floor houses all of her stuff. She pulls out a rolling chair from the small desk and places it across from the couch.
"Sit?" She gestures to the couch.
I nod and sit and silence.
She crosses one leg over the other and rests her clip bored on it.
I play with the hem of my dress.
More silence.
We make eye contact.
"So, Star was it?" She says as soon as she catches my eye.
Not that hard of a name, lady.
"Mhm." I nod and smile politely.
"Why not Estella?"
"Star's a nickname."
She eyes me. "Just a nickname?"
"Yeah."
"You don't have any problems being called Estella?"
I hesitate, then settle on another lie. "No."
She nods and writes something down. "So, why'd you come here Star?"
"To get better." I say blandly, my stomach becoming unsettled.
"Why'd you feel like you were sick?"
I'm not sick. I'm fine. "Because I was on my roof, hoping to get struck by lighting."
"Why lightning?"
"I wanted to die spectacularly." I was going to tell a story, but then I realized there really is no story to tell. That's it, that's all. One stupid mistake. But I'm fine so none of that matters.
She recrosses her legs and stretches out her arms so her sleeves catch and get away from her hands.
"Why?" She says simply.
"Because when... I mean if... actually... never mind" I bite my lip. I had a bad habit of talking before I had everything that I wanted to say mapped out in my head. And once you start, it was a whole ordeal when you messed up. You could say never mind but then people are always like-
"Well what were you going to say?" The doctor read my thoughts and said it right on queue.
"That dying is one of the only things on this planet that people get truly remembered for, I guess. And if I do it fantastically, people will talk and will find meaning and your life will have meant something." I felt like crying, even though I wasn't feeling particularly emotional. I had a bad habit for crying randomly. whenever I feel anything, literally anything, I feel like I'm about to cry. And when other people cry, I feel like I should which means that when people cry, even in movies, I'll start to cry. It's really inconvenient.
"I see." She says even though she doesn't. "Star, you've never been to any therapist or psychologist before, correct?"
Shit. "No ma'am."
"Why?"
Because I'm fine. "Because I never told anyone I was feeling this way. I shouldn't burden anyone, I guess. Although I really do want to get better."
She raises an eyebrow. "Truth?"
What was I supposed to do now!? Tell her I lied? "Yep. Truth."
She wasn't buying it. "Alrighty. Tell me about you're friends."
"I have friends."
"Good friends?"
"I guess... I dunno I'm never really invited to anything I guess."
"Would you say you're extroverted?"
"No. I'm not very confident when it comes to other people-"
"Well that's not what extroverted is. It's more of an energy that you gain when you're around other people. Introverts get that energy from being alone, but you don't, right?"
Oh. "Yeah."
A nod. "Okay then."
"It's just that I really like people but... I dunno it always seems like I like people way more than they like me. I'm never anyone's number one, their partner in crime so to speak. I don't get texts or invite to things. I'm just alone even though I try my hardest to be nice."
"Lots of kids feel this way, Star." She smiles endearingly. Oh great, just what I want to hear. It's normal. Everything about me is normal. There is nothing I feel that most kids my age don't also feel. Nothing. I am the pitfall of individuality. Everything about me is normal, yet I can't seem to figure it out. What is normal? How can I be like every other person ever yet have such a poor deduction skills to realize what's normal for everyone else. I'm a shit excuse for a person. I'm 100% average and normal on the inside, but I'm 200,000% weird on the outside. No wonder no one likes me the most. No wonder I'm not invited to things. I'm a weird person, and no one likes weird but weird people and those weird people are out-casted by the majority of people so that leaves me with fewer options for friends and then I'm so spazzy that I can't even latch onto one weird person which means I'm no one number one. Everyone has one person they can always turn too and I don't even have that. Because I'm not the main character in my own story so why should I get a cool best-friend-side-kick-duo person. I'm the type of person who gets one line at most during the whole book. At the beginning. I'm that person who says that one line that's out of context and is just there. No plot value, not foreshadowing and not important. I don't deserve a book.
"Star?" She says and I perk up. "You okay?"
"Oh yeah." I sigh softly. "Just thinking."
"About?"
Crap. "Friends, and how lucky I am to have as many as I do."
Lies. Why the fuck am I lying!? This is a place to tell the truth why do I have this need to lie all the time! Why can't I just tell the truth!
"Good. Same time tomorrow. Head to the cafeteria now you have art."
Oh goodie... Tom. "Okay. Thanks!"
"Bye sweetie!" She waves and I leave. As soon as the door closes I regret everything about everything and realize how much of her time I wasted on my shitty, petty problems. I'm a shit pile, a real shit pile I really shouldn't be here. I should just be the background character again. Why am I acting like I matter I don't-
"Estella." A voice rings.
I tunr around. "Oh, Marco. What's up?"
"Still haven't left yet?" He rolls his eyes.
"No. I can't. Five days."
He growls. "You piece of shit. Jackson's always right which means you should leave now!"
"I. Can't." I grind my teeth.
He comes closer to me. "You are fine! So leave!"
"I can't!"
"All you're doing is making our plight look like a joke! You think this is some sorta hotel!? People just come here when they're a bit sad or whatever!?"
"No!"
"This is a place for people with problems!" He shoves me a little and adds. "Unlike you!"
I catch my feet and shove back. "Shut up!"
He actually falls and guilt pangs through my body. I was about to say sorry when he got up and ran straight into me, crushing my stomach.
Now, there's trouble.

YEP THIS WAS SUPER RANTY LMAO
HOPE YOU ARE ALL ENJOYING
ITS 2:24 am RN SO IMMA GO TO SLEEP
LIKE AND COMMENT PLEASE! I ENJOY FEEDBACK
-WOLFIE