Echo Creek Mental Institution

Chapter 11: A Group Effort

When I talked about my feelings I had this need to cry. I've it mentioned before, I'm a real cry baby. That's why I'd pick writing and texting over talking any day. When you write, you can backspace. You can basically say something and delete it from existence before anyone can hear it. When you talk people will pick at it. If you start saying something you can't just stop, even if it was pointless and malthoughtout. People will pry at that little thing you said until you spill and then they'll ask why you'd even say that and you'll repeat that it was stupid and man, that takes so much effort.
But now here I was, in a circle of kids all preparing to talk about their feelings.
Neither Jackie nor Marco is in my group but Janna and Ferguson is. I wonder if it would be socially acceptable to call him Ferg now, or it wouldn't be cause we're not friends. I dunno.
Anyways I could pick out that turquoise, bushy haired Kelly girl and a brown haired girl but no one else looked familiar. There were eight of us, not counting me or the sweater wearing doctor so I guess it's an even ten. That's satisfying, I guess.
"Okay kids," the sweater wearing nurse crosses her legs and shimmies as she adjusts her sweater. A clipboard rest precariously on her skirted thigh. I sit next to her with some black haired girl next to me. She's pale and thin and holds a constant frown on her face. She didn't wear the jumpsuit thingy, instead she wore a baggy T-shirt dress and loafers. Not a lot of people in this circle actually wore the pink or blue medical clothes. I guess it was for people who couldn't have their parents drop off stuff cause hey had actual problems, ya knows?
"Okay." The nurse repeats when she's done picking something off her sweater. "Short reminder everything said stays here. Speaking about anything mentioned here could result in a serious punishment." Pause for dramatic effect. "I'm seeing some new faces so why don't we go around and say our name, age, and why we're here. If that last one is tricky, just remember everyone here supports you but if you don't feel comfortable, we understand." Another long pause so that life changing information could sink in. "Okay! Who wants to start? How about we go to my right."
Shit. That's me.
"Well uh..." should I be funny? Is this a place where I should deadpan? I should be funny. "My name's Star." Shit how would i be funny? Joking is like the only way to get people to like you. Shit shit shit. "I'm 15." FUUUUUUCK what do I say!? "And I uh..." I can't just say I killed myself Janna said that was vague and unimportant but I can't say too much cause that's weird OH FUCK I'm taking to long ah jeez they're whispering about me oh fuck no I've lost it. I can't make friends now. "And I uh... tried to get struck by lightening and uh... like um... so like basically I thought it would be lethal. Like a cool way to die-" fuck that was WAY to long shut up Star no one cares.
"Thank you, Star." The sweater wearing nurse smiles and nods for the girl next to me to continue.
"I'm Brittany." She has a weak, raspy voice but still speaks with confidence. "I'm also 15 and I come in here with an eating disorder. Anorexia, specifically."
I mentally slap my face. Of course, that's why she was so skinny Jesus I'm so stupid.
"Thank you, Brittany." The nurse repeats like a record skipping a groove.
"I'm Justin." The jock with the heavy voice is sitting on his chair backwards next to Brittany. "And I like punching people. Hard."
"Justin." The nurse eyes him. "Use your official diagnosis please."
"Ya never said to do that." The kid smirked. "But whatever. I have Conduct Disorder which means I hate adults and rules and feeding a cat a tide pod was fun." He lets out a laugh and I watch some guy laugh a little too. Justin had sunny blond hair and eyes that were awkwardly forced into a malevolent grin. The other guy was black with hollow eyes and a hooded smirk. Creepy.
"And you're how old?" The nurse wants Justin to continue.
"75 and still going." He mocks.
The nurse sighs, writes something down I dare not look at and urges the next kid to continue.
"Ferguson. 15. Binge Eating Disorder." He says blandly.
"I'm Janna." She forcibly smiles at everyone. It wants until now I noticed her scratching her arm and tapping her foot. Was she nervous? "I am 14 and I have Schizotypal Personality Disorder."
"What's that?" I ask before I realize probably not the time to ask. Janna looks startled, like a deer caught in headlights. I blurt out a "Uh never mind sorry." And Janna looks at the next person to continue.
"I'm Jeremy." The kid has exceptional posture, a really stylish outfit (periwinkle Vineyard Vine shirt and sea-foam shorts and non-laced boat shoes). "I'm 12 and I don't have a disorder."
"Jeremy." The nurse raises a brow. "We talked about acceptance last week, didn't we?"
"Well yeah. Doesn't change my answer. I'm perfect." he didn't seem that bothered by the nurse pointing this out. He was smiling, all teeth.
"Here he goes, that little drag queen." Justin whispers pretty loudly to Brittany, who lets out a quiet but wicked laugh.
"What do you mean?" I ask as I lean in. They both exchange looks and Justin laughs at me. Oh, private conversation. Inside joke. Not for me. Got it.
I squeeze my wrist, wishing desperately I could go back in time and never have done that. I was so stupid. Of course they didn't want to talk to me I wasn't their friend.
"Okay Jeremy thank you." The nurse hushes. I didn't catch what he has, but I'm guessing it has something to do with his long, boisterous rant just now.
"I'm Ludo." The next kid is the one who was laughing with Justin just now. "I'm 17. I'm antisocial and I hope y'all rot in hell."
Bold. Scary, but bold.
The nurse makes a face. She asks him to reassess what he just said but I was too busy looks at Janna who was breathing heavily. What did I do? Shit WHAT DID I DO!?
"No I hope you all do rot in hell, you fucking cunt ass whores!" Ludo gets up, knocking his chair and storms out, causing a scene in the small rec room where we reside.
"I'm sorry." She apologizes and texts someone in her phone. "Mr Toffee will take care of him."
"Toffee!?" Brittany mocks and I watch as everyone else bursts into a small laugh. I join in, c'mon who's name is Toffee? Suddenly, I remember how much I got teased for my last name. It's less funny now. But like so what? What do I care this isn't me? Why the fuck am I so empathetic!? Jeez I wish I was more like Justin. Just, so carefree, even if it was sorta dangerous. He killed a cat, Star. Stop no you don't want to be like him you fucking weirdo. 
"Okay settle down." The nurse waves her hand lightly at the two. Brittany sneered while Justin coughed "slut" under his breath. Brittany smiles. I sigh.
"Hi." Kelly starts. She pushes her green hair behind an ear and it falls straight back out. "I'm Kelly and I'm 14 and here because sometimes I'm not a 14 year old girl named Kelly."
"TAAAAAD!" Justin screams while clapping like someone just got a touchdown. Kelly laughs whole heartedly and the kid next to Kelly lets out a guffaw.
"Yeah Tad! He's the man!" Jeremy screams louder. Justin eyes him while Jeremy stands on his chair and begins a chant. Everyone joins in, even Janna a little quietly. I was lost. I could either lean in and ask Brittany or ask the nurse.
"Uh nurse?" I whisper. She didn't hear. I repeat but she doesn't hear it again. I tap her knees and she yells at Jeremy to get down. I give up.
"Yeah I have another guy that lives in my head." Kelly continues to joke. "Or my hair cause that has more room."
The room erupts into laughter. I allow myself to laugh too. I want to add on. But nothing I can say will make this funnier. If I do say something funny, I'd make friends. But if it's not funny, my chances have gone into the negative.
Jeremy suddenly adds, "Didn't you lose your pet hamster in there one."
"RIP MARISOL!" Justin declares and the room continues to laugh. I eye Janna who is lightly smiling.
"Okay calm down." The nurse's smile rests and she nods towards the last kid.
"Wattup I'm Oskar I'm 14 and-"
"-I never learned how to fucking read." I whisper. Brittany cracks a smile at me. Fuck! I should've said that louder.
Oskar continues, "-and I have dysthymia."
"And why's that?" The nurse urges to continue.
"Oh it's just chronic depression. So like normal depression just like... chronic."
Snickers.
"Okay now that we all know each other and for our laughs at," the nurse writes something down. "Lets get started."

YEAH THIS WAS LONG. BTW ALL OF THIS IS AS ACCURATE AS I COULD I DID A LOT OF RESEARCH ILL ADD THAT LATER
K LATER
WOLFIE