Echo Creek Mental Institution

Chapter 17: Letter to the Readers

I ended up eating breakfast by myself but hey, what else is new?
I was sitting at a table when Marco and Ferg and Janna and Jackie and that girl Sabrina all walked in together. Sabrina had social anxiety, so of course people took a liking to that. When you have social anxiety you don't do stupid things. You don't speak out, you remain quiet so everyone has no reason for hating you and they mistake that for liking you. And yeah, the panic attacks and horrible feeling of dread when having to say anything that got her stuck in here is shitty and no it's not anything to romanticize or like but I can't help feeling if I was just a little more conscious about my social life maybe I wouldn't have ended up here.
Just something I enjoy thinking about.
Is shitty and stupid but it's my thoughts and really, why am I dissecting my own consciousness?
Anyways, everyone who had walked in together had no desire to look for me and they sat at some random table with not enough room. I'd have to walk over, ask them to move over and then awkwardly bring over a chair. Which is out of the question and sounds horrible so I'll just sit by myself.
...
it's occurring to me that this is making quite a poor book. Like every book has a purpose and a protagonist with friends and a plot that's interesting and characters that somehow develop throughout the book. There's a beginning a middle and an end, there's romance and drama and plot twists and sad moments and all around a story. But this isn't a story, this is a mess. Now I'm not really see why you are all reading this still, it might be because you're waiting for the happy ending or you're tapping your fingers because you're all expecting something amazing to happen soon or you just saw it and thought "oh hey that book! I should finish that!" And here you are, hours later after cracking it open still waiting for something to happen.
And you'll still be waiting when this book ends.
There's a reason this is all being written but there's no reason for you all to keep reading it. There's no romance, no plot twists, nothing interesting is happening! So why are you still reading?
Are you bored? Lonely? Tired? Are you fishing for a reason to be reading so when your parents shout at you for being in your phone you can be like "ha ha got you I'm actually reading!" and then you'll run away and watching Netflix or something cause trust me, nothing is going to happen.
You can skip forward or back a few chapters and if still be annoyed and lonely, I'll still be sitting at a table alone and it will all be completely pointless cause no matter how much I want things to change it never will. That's why you don't read nonfiction. It's all shitty and boring and nothing will ever change because you know how this will end. The same way it started.
Shitty.
Honestly I'll leave believing I've changed but then like a year later I'll end up back on a roof or at the wrong end of the gun and I'll end up back here and everyone will know that Star Butterfly, the girl that doesn't belong, came back for another stupid and shitty reason. There will be pointing and laughing and honestly? That probably sounds like a better book than any of this crap.
Like I said, this is all written for a reason but you reading it has no purpose. You could live without reading my weird rants and my boring story so honestly? Feel free to stop reading now. It'll make no difference.
I finish my breakfast of waxy pancakes and throw them out. I can see a table of Brittany and Oskar and Kelly and a bunch of other people who still had pancakes on their plates. I poke my stomach. I feel fat. I'm not but I feel wasteful. I just ate food that a main character probably should've. Janna, Brittany, even Marco probably should've had my pancakes. I feel gross with myself.
"MEDS!" Someone screams and a few teens push their chairs back into each other and begin to battle their way to the small window where a smiling nurse stood. Someone pushes by me and half asses a "sorry" and continues to the window. The line grew as they fought over who for their first and the entropy began to retracted and from the blob a line forms and cups of meds were shelved out. Blue, white, red, almost everyone had one but me. And Janna. She hadn't moved. I was still standing by the trash and I slowly moved back to the isolated table.
"Star!" Someone calls. I turn around, but no one seemed to be looking for me. I turn back around and my name catches my attention again. I spin around to see Janna was standing on her chair waving at me.
I turn around like they do in all those movies to make sure it wasn't someone else.
It wasn't.
No fucking way this was anything, the plot wasn't going to pick up now? I'm giving up on this book, remember? It's pointless? Why am I even still writing, you might ask? It's a secret.
Anyways I flip over to them, stepping over metal chairs and having them attach to my foot and knocking into each other making loud noises and having the embarrassment rise and ya know what? This is all normal. Just imagine whenever I say I do anything it was with a lot of chaos and embarrassment.
"What's up?" I squeak as I finally get close enough to Janna.
"You don't take meds?" She questions, a cute laugh leaving her lips.
"No." I mumble. "You don't either?"
"Duh." She gestures to the fact she was never on line.
Fuck. "Yeah sorry." I laugh a little.
"Yeah well I thought you would, seeing how you're all depressed."
"I'm not-" I feel flustered. "I mean I've never been diagnosed with it."
"Chill." She smiles. "I'm just saying how I would diagnose you."
I exhale, my heart in my head. I really wanted her to like me. "Thanks I guess."
"Don't sweat it." She smiles. "Ya see I never would've diagnosed myself so I do it other people. Like Marco? You'd think it was clean cut Schizophrenia but it's more than that."
"Really?" Finally an interesting topic.
"Yeah he has tics and crap and has a mild form of Dissociative identity disorder. It's all from this tragic past or something. Don't ask him about it."
"I won't."
"Cool." She smiles. "Anyways I feel weird cause I could tell you were startled with me yesterday."
"Well yeah. I mean I felt back cause I put you in the spot."
"Well my so called problem is that I know the truth."
"Huh."
"Bro all people with brown hair are spies."
You have to shitting me. "What?"
"Okay people keep telling me I'm wrong but hear me out. It's the most common thing which is weird cause like you'd expect things to even out so what if everyone with brown hair AND brown eyes are all clones from some higher power."
Has this girl ever taken a biology class? "Well I mean there is that square that shows genes and-" FUCK ABORT YOU FUCKER. "I mean that's is weird it didn't even out."
"Yeah but apparently that's like inaccurate and stuff. That's why I keep it on the DL, out of ear shot from the clones. Can't have them know I was on to them."
"Are you serious?"
"Deadly."
"What about Marco?"
"He sees through the lies too. A clone that's rebelled. Someone that knows the inside, it's perfect!"
We share a smile and I have no idea what to say next but Jackie comes over and so does Marco and Ferg and suddenly I feel myself feeling better.
Wait... is this what a plot feels like?

UHHHHH
YEAH
THE BOOKS NKT OVER OR ANYTHING
JUST
YEAH
SORRY
WOLFIE