Echo Creek Mental Institution

Chapter 8: The Number One

And so my life descended into its state of regret.
Silence ensued in the small room until everything was cleaned up and we grabbed the nurse and headed upstairs.
If this scene was a movie, it would've been shot really well. I would be standing on one side of the nurse, Marco on the other. Not making any eye contact with each other. The next shot would be from the nurses side as I lean forward to look at him, only to see a slightly angered but mostly blank face staring away from me. My teeth clench as I imagine what will happen next. Janna and Jackie and everyone would hate me for hurting their friends, but only that, Marco would hate me. I hate me. How could I be so stupid? Just so so so stupid!
I swore to never talk again.
I'd made that promise to myself multiple times, to just observe. To the back ground character I know I am. But it's boring. My life is boring but it makes it even more boring without interactions. It's silent. Quiet. Lonely.
I hated being alone.
The elevator stopped and we were brought to the cafeteria in silence. Marco grabbed a paper bag off of a desk (allergies I guess) but I walked over to the counter where I grabbed a chicken parm sub. Looked good. There was also broccoli and mashed potatoes. I stood, staring at the two sides. I should leave one for someone more important. Like Janna or Pony. A main character. A main character should never be hungry. You rarely see side characters eating.
So I just grabbed the smallest bowl of potatoes there was and walked over to the table. If I didn't sit with them, they might see me and wonder why I wasn't with them. I wasn't worth that much thought, it would take away from their story.
I sat down and bit my tongue, waiting for the meal to end. I wanted my phone back. Everything's easier with a phone. I mean like, less awkward. Less lonely. Although when a group of friends were on their phones, I couldn't help but feel we were sliding into stereotype of teenagers. My parents always made snide comments about me being on my phone. Not my fault everything is better when you can feel disassociated with reality. Everything is better on the internet.
As lunch droned on and I realized that no one had noted my silence once. Marco didn't say anything about what happened. Janna, Jackie, Ferguson, Alfonzo and even Pony who came over never bothered me. My mouth struggled to stay shut as they chattered on. Jackie basically had turned her back to me and Ferguson was leaning over his food, his head turned away, elbow beside his tray. I was in a narrow tunnel that lead to Marco who was exactly across from me.
It was clear that I was no ones number one. And yeah okay that makes sense, I came here a few days ago. But I've never been anyone's number one. Ever. No one has ever liked me as much as I've liked them. No ones put me first, rearranged plans for me. No ones ever had a conversation with me and stuck with it. Who wouldn't walk away while I'm in the middle of a sentence? They're really boring. Like, I know I'm abnormal. Sue me for wanting to talk about books or movies or aliens or dinosaurs or do fish see water? Is Macaroni and Cheese shortened to Mac cause its short for Macaroni or is it the acronym for Mac n Cheese? What would happen if everyone's hair showed people's emotions? Would more people be bald? Would it be socially acceptable for woman to be bald then? And what is fire? It's not a liquid, sold or a gas so... plasma? What is plasma? And hey, aren't cartoons awesome! I love those shows, especially the older ones.
Why is that ridiculous? Why is it so weird that I want to talk about that then "how was your day?" or "I have 10000 tests tomorrow!" or the ever dreaded "any plans for the future?" It's horrible. Who wants to spend their whole life talking about politics? Maybe that's why I'm in here, I can't survive out there. It's not that I want to die, it's more that I'm unhappy living. I cant be content with the world I'm in, not just myself. I want a portal to another dimension where I'm the protagonist in a story! I get a magic wand and ride unicorns and dragons and fight monsters! I'd have cool sidekicks and I'd be their number one because I'm the main character, main characters always get best friends that's always there for them. Of course they get their side plot but they always come back around and they always come back.
But in this world, right now, I don't have best friends. I don't have an adventure waiting. There's no magic, nothing to make me special. So of course I'm nobodies number one. No one ever jumps at the idea of me being around. Why would anyone want to be Number One with a girl named Estella who pretends to fit in because she realized standing out isolates her more. "Be yourself" is just a dreaded line used by people's whose "yourself" is normal or unique in the "right way". The "funny way" the "cool way" the freaking "normal way" to be weird. I hate people. They're so complicated I just...
Ugh.
"Hey kids!" Someone piped up louder than the soft murmurs by people around.
I perk up a little. I look over to see a orderly with grey hair and sculpted features smiling at us. His nose was redder than his tongue. I preyed his name was Rudolf.
"Visiting hours is now! And I have the list~" He teases. I smile. He was peppy. I liked peppy people. Most people didn't. I felt bad for them because peppy people were the backbone to his society. Like seriously, you think all the stuffy serious people got shit done alone? How do think they don't spiral into a perpetual state of deadpans? The peppy people. The optimist. The ones who love the little things.
I look back to see Jackie and Janna whispering. I bet it's about the guy and his unnatural peppiness. Or maybe is about me. Maybe Marco told them. Maybe he thought I did it on purpose. Ah shit.
"Okay we have Hope, Janna, Persephone, Brad, Kelly, Estella..." He continues, not losing his smile but I don't listen to the rest of the names. My parents are here? Visiting me?
I sink in my seat with a mix of happiness and complete and utter depression.

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