Echo Creek Mental Institution

Chapter 15: The Box Ghost

The speech was over and something even more horrible began. It was 8 pm and we had social hour. You could go use your phone for half an hour so that was definitely gonna happen. But as I lagged behind the brothel of best friends best-friending, I felt my stomach sink.
"Hey!" I try my hardest to break into the middle of them. "Hey are any of you gonna use your phones right now?"
"Mmm probably not right now." Jackie says casually. "I think we're all just gonna go back to our rooms for a bit."
"Oh." I rubbed my neck. "Will you come get me when you're going? I want to text my friends."
Lies. I really don't have anyone I'm desperate to keep in contact with but goddamn it I'm gonna seem normal.
"Yeah we'll come get you." Jackie smiles earnestly. I smile back and they continue down the hall towards their room as I stop at mine. The rooms empty and I notice the door doesn't really close all the way. That little thing hurts, honestly. Just another reminder of my mistake. My stomach sinks and I go down with it and end up just sitting on the floor and playing with a rubber band I'd found. I shouldn't be here. I really shouldn't. I fucked up I mean I really fucked up. And I fuck up often but this, I shouldn't be here. Nothings wrong I'm just an annoying bitch and fuck people's lives up like for shits sake. Fuck.
I wrap the band around my fingers and shoot it. It ends up backfiring and getting stuck in my hair. My gross, unwashed hair. Before this morning the last time I'd washed my hair was probably weeks ago. Showers could be good. They're warm and I liked being warm 'cause being cold was uncomfortable. But I was also alone. Alone with my thoughts and the pitter patter of the droplets and sometimes just realizing how shit fucked my life is causes me to fuck shit up. One time I sat on the floor after making the water as cold as possible in the dead of winter and just shivered because I needed something to distract me from the guilt of fucking my life up.
God I don't handle guilt well. It all just hurts. Like I my entire body just feels like shit and my head hurts and I just have to stand there and feel the guilt. Everything I touch is ruined eventually so naturally I should feel guilty about that. Because shit I really shouldn't have entered your life if I'm just gonna fuck it up. I'm guilty of having no control and allowing myself to fuck shit up. Can't I just have the power to go back in time so I can stop myself from fucking shit up? God I wanna be a hero of the story and all I do is minor villain stuff. All I do is hinder the plot. I'm a hindrance. I'm the Box Ghost from Danny Phantom. Basically I think I'm this great being who does important stuff but in actuality I'm just that lil shit at the beginning of episodes to establish where we are in the story and to give some comic relief because of how easily I fuck shit up and do shitty ass shitty shit for fucks sake. I'm not Danny, I'm not Sam, I'm not fucking Vlad I'm the fucking lowest of the low.
I'm the Box Ghost.
I realize a solid fifteen minutes had gone by and neither Janna nor Jackie had come to get me to go to the phone room. I shoot the rubber band. God I'm bored.
"Star if you're bored you should go socialize!" The rational part of my brain chirps up.
"No. Too tired. You're gonna ruin their day." The other rational part rebuttals.
"How?" The positive part questions.
"Somehow." The correct part says.
Well that settles it. I'll stay here and wait.
"That's no good! Star c'mon go see what people are doing! You'll feel better! You love social interactions!" Positive me shouts.
"Every single time you do anything you say the wrong thing or you do the wrong thing! You annoy people! That's why they don't like you!" Rational keeps going.
"That's no true!"
"Why else would they not have come and got you?"
I flop over on the cold, dirty floor. 
"Uh maybe they forgot."
"Of course they forgot! Star you're no one special why would they remember you."
Ughhhh shut uppp. I pull a pillow from the bed. I could stop these two from arguing but all this is is me putting my thoughts into a more rational order. Also I'm bored. And lonely. Might as well make up people. I mean they're not really people they're just me making shit up in my head. Might as well give them voices instead of just having vague gross feelings coursing through me. I don't know. I feel gross. Where is Janna and Jackie? It's been 20 minutes and still nothing. We have up to a half an hour and an hour to go in. Okay if there not here in ten I'll go.
"Oh yeah they forgot about you."
I mumble to myself until it's 8:30 and I make my way down the hall. I have no idea which one is Janna and Jackie's so whatever.
I realize I have no idea where it is and I circle until I find two people talking in the hallway.
"Hey." I go to tap him in the shoulder but my hand stutters and I just stand behind them waiting for them to notice. They don't. "Uh h-hi." I say louder. He turns around to reveal its Oskar and Brittany. She mutters something about not having to yell and honestly I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Oskar's one of them. One of those people who get along with everyone. Someone who's nice and in all the right class and is an individual but also fits in and fuck I had those people.
Okay Star. You're taking to long.
"Do you know when- I mean where to get our phones?" My heart was in my ears. This is why I don't socialize, Positive-Star.
"End of this hall." Oskar says calmly.
"Which end?" I look down behind him and then the other way.
Brittany laughs to herself and points in the direction I came from.
"Thanks." I scurry away and feel like I'm gonna pass out.
I make it to the room and there's a line. People are chatting lightly on it. Janna and Jackie are sitting on a couch with an orderly behind them peering over a few times. I felt like crying. They did they totally forgot about me. And now I have to wait on a line. A line. Without my phone. I have to socialize. On a line.
Ya know... memes might not be worth this.
I gulp my pride and wait. The person in front of me is pulling at her brown hair. Back to me of course so I can't really talk to her. What would we even talk about? I have nothing in common with 99% of people and the other 1% don't want to talk about what I do.
Janna and Jackie get up and hand back over their phones and place them in a ziplock bag with their name on it. They exit while chatting and I stand there.
"Hey." I call out but it must've been to quiet. They didn't here me. They left without remember me.
Which means they didn't really want me there. I mean why would they?
I just go back to my room silently.

-WOLFIE