Miserably Delightful

chapter 11

I walked into school the next day with a plan. Of course it wasn't the most brilliant plan, but it was the only thing I could conjure up at the time. After what Knox had said to me the night before, something in me had clicked, like the pieces of a missing puzzle, and I had an idea as to what the pieces to my missing puzzle was.

 The only issue was that I couldn't approach those pieces until I had put my plan into motion.

I refused to put them into the crossfire.

It had been a long morning. It was hard getting ready with my side screaming in pain nearly every time I moved. I almost marched down the stairs and kicked Lauren back, but practiced some good self restraint and finished getting ready without any incident occurring. When I had finished, I tugged out a suitcase and a backpack, and started to pack. An inexplicable amount of joy filled me at what I was doing, and a smile graced my features, even though I knew that I wouldn't be talking to the boys much today or at all, even.

I still needed to speak to them about the events of the night before, but I didn't want to jeopardize my plan or drag them into it. If everything went right, then the plan would be completed by that evening and I could drop by Kota's for a visit before dinner, and potentially apologize and explain. The knowledge that by ignoring them might ruin our carefully constructed friendship had me aching, but I knew that it was best for me.

Homeroom was dreadful.

Both North and Luke stared at me the entire time, as if waiting for me to talk to them first. I squirmed in my seat, staring at the clock, waiting for the bell to ring. It truly killed me not to talk to them, but there wasn't much I could do. I was stuck in a hard place and between a rock. If they were made aware of the plan, they would most certainly ruin it, and I couldn't have it. The plan was necessary if I wanted to remain sane. 

The moment the shrill sound of the bell filled the room, I jumped to my feet and shot out the door. I wasn't dim enough to think that they didn't try to follow me, I was actually certain that they were, but I couldn't have anyone cornering me. I walked as fast as I could to the trailer that I had English in, then sat in the back corner. Luke, Kota, and Gabriel would periodically glance back at me, their eyes full of wonder and hurt. 

I tried my best to convey sympathy towards them, but I wasn't sure they could tell. By the time study hall rolled around, I was exhausted. It was physically exhausting trying to fight the draw I had towards them, to avoid them. I just needed a moment to rest and get back in the right headspace, to remind myself why I was avoiding and ignoring them. I leant against the wall, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply. My head pounded from a headache that was forming and my heart ached.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Sang?"

I jumped and yelped, my eyes widening at the sight of North and Luke standing before me. Their whiskey brown eyes were staring me down, serious and solemn, full of barely concealed pain. I almost broke at that moment; almost burst into tears and informed them of how poorly my mother and my brother had treated me the night before, of how broken I truly was. I, somehow, managed to regain my composure and steeled myself, raising my chin defiantly just as I had done the night before.

"Don't worry about it," I said, my voice stronger than I felt.

 I wanted to collapse into one of their arms and ask them to help me with my situation, but it didn't work that way. I had to help myself. I knew that I could rely on them, but I also wanted to know that I could rely on myself in case something went amiss with our friendship. I shouldn't have been so dependent on people for so long, even my brothers. One of them had already broken my trust, and I didn't think I would handle that betrayal very well if I was forced to go through it again.