Never Before-Ryan Reeves Fanfiction

Goodbye?

Maria POV

I woke up early as the sun began to dip through the curtains shining on my pillow. I glanced at my clock-6am. May li would be nearly up. I felt Ryan's arms still tucked around my waist as tightly as he did the night before, his head buried in my neck, fast asleep.
I turned around slowly to face him jolting him slightly in the process causing his eyes to flutter.
"Morning Ryan," I whispered and he smiled a little.
"Morning," he murmured, still clearly exhausted.
"May-Li is going to be up soon," I whispered, "If she catches you, she'll go insane."
He sighed, opening his eyes a little, "Guess I should move then," he said not moving a muscle.
"Yes you should," I said gently prodding him, "You know I take no pleasure in kicking you out."
"Hm bet that's not quite true," he smiled kissing my nose, "Fine I'll go."
He rolled over, stepping his feet out of bed, his arms leaving my waist in the process. I missed the warmth almost instantly as I watched him stretch before padding slowly across my floor and slipped quietly out of my door, leaving me with a sudden coldness feeling I was never going to warm again.

The whole dumping ground was helping him back, including me. They all knew he was leaving by now which made it no easier. I helped pack his room while everyone else did the downstairs boxes and I took care to pack all the presents I'd given him, I wanted him to remember me. I couldn't believe it was really happening. He was properly leaving.
"Good job Maria," smirked Ryan as a box I was holding, tipped over and the contents spread over his room.
"Haha," I said sarcastically scooping it up, "I see you're not taking it seriously"
"I am actually," he said looking highly offended, "You think I want all my stuff to arrive in pieces?"
I raised my eyebrows, "Most of your life's in pieces Ryan," I clapped my hands in front of my mouth, what an awful thing to say, "Ryan I'm so sorry," I said as he looked over upset. I'd rarely seen him look upset. I realised that truly hit deep considering everything he'd been through.
I walked over and laid my hand on his shoulder, "I'm genuinely sorry that was a horrible thing to say,"
He flinched, shrugging my hand off then shook his head at me, "Doesn't matter Maria, nice to know what you really think of me."
"No Ryan I didn't mean-"
"Doesn't matter what you meant," he interrupted, "It's alright for you ain't it? Mike will just bring some new boy in here for you to drool over and you'll forget about me soon enough."
"No Ryan you know I'll never forget you," I said shocked at his thoughts, "You know I lo-"
"I can finish packing myself thanks," he cut me off pushing me gently out of his room, his eyes boring angrily into mine before closing the door in my face. I threw my arms frustrated in the air. "Shit!" I cursed to myself quietly.

I lay on my bed, angry tears streaming down my face, I was so so stupid. I was angry that he was leaving and I stupidly took it out on him when it wasn't his fault. It was a hot headed mistake and in his temper he'd not taken it well either. Not that he didn't have any right not to be annoyed with me. I got to stay here while he had to move to a whole new home, over an hour away. We were both involved yet only he was truly punished. It was unfair. And he had every right to be angry with me. But I hated and hated the fact he'd leave this place, thinking badly of me.

Hours passed which I spent in my room listening out to everyone moving Ryan's stuff. My eyes travelled to my desk where the leaving present I'd bought him lay neatly wrapped in silver paper. It had taken me forever to think of what to buy but had eventually decided to take the nicest picture of us, (us together on top of a hill overlooking London) and stuck it in a blue photo frame, our favourite colour, and written the first words we'd ever exchanged around the outside, (Sorry, Thanks).
I sighed debating hard on whether to give it to him, but I knew I'd regret it massively if I didn't. It'd haunt me for life that I passed up an opportunity to let my first proper relationship go bitterly over one falling out. I dabbed at my soggy eyes which were welling up as I imagined Ryan leaving without a second thought about me. He was starting a whole new chapter and he was doing it without me. He'd forget me within minutes.
I checked my clock, quarter to five. I sat up suddenly, Ryan left at five.
I had fifteen minutes.
Fifteen minutes to tell him everything.
That I'll miss him.
He made me so happy.
And yeah I guess...I loved him.
More than that. I really loved him. And I'd miss him so much. I missed him already knowing he was just downstairs. I got up and walked out of my room sweeping up the present I left as I passed it.
I paused as I got to Ryan's room, gently pushing the door open out of curiosity. It was completely empty. Except his bed frame and shelves, everything was gone. It was all stripped bare as if all his memory was taken away and he'd never existed. Except his smell. His smell remained. The one gorgeous scent of him remained. I took a deep breath to take it in. Before a stranger moved in and polluted the air.
I walked down with shaking footsteps as I heard excited chatter approaching and turned to find everyone gathered in the hall bading him a farewell. Everyone insantly fell silent when the saw me.
"Come on," gestured Kazima ushering everyone towards the kitchen while May-Li went to talk to his social worker outside and Mike carried the last of his boxes to the van outside closing the door with a loud clunk. We were alone.
I looked at Ryan who looked at me coldly.
"So you all packed then?" I asked awkwardly and he nodded.
"Nearly," he answered stone faced, "Then I'm out of here."
I nodded, unsure of what to say, "I'm sorry about what happened,"
He blinked looking at me, "S'ok," he shrugged, "Happens to us all. I was bound to get kicked out anyway."
"Not through me though," I said and he smiled a little weakly.
"I don't know Maria," he said softly, "You've always been my downfall haven't you?"
I shrugged, "You've always been my weakness Ryan."
"Oh I know," he smirked coming closer, "It wasn't your fault though."
"Hmm?" I said feeling tears coming back as he stroked my hair.
"Shh," he whispered wiping my tears away and hugging me, "Its ok."
"I'm going to miss you so much," I burst out crying into his tshirt.
"Me too," he replied as I felt a few of his own tears drop onto my hair, "You won't forget me will you?"
"You kidding?" I pulled away to look at him, "I'll Never forget you Ryan! In fact," I pulled out my present, "I've got something for you,"
"Me too," he said surprisingly pulling a similar looking package and we exchanged them laughing a little.
"Thanks," I whispered, touched he'd thought of this. I looked at him. There was too much to be said. Too much to be felt. Time was running to out to say and feel it all.
"I love you," I burst out suddenly as he turned to the door. He froze and turned back around to my tear stained face. I swallowed waiting for his reaction.
He walked over, slowly, maintaining eye contact the entire time before placing his hands under my chin and lifting it towards him, forcing me to look deep into his eyes. He leaned in and our lips locked before he even needed to say a word. Actions spoke louder than any words that would ever escape his lips. As his tongue explored my mouth for the final time, I knew then he loved me too.
We broke apart and I smiled at him weakly. His lips twitched slightly, "Bye Maria," he whispered turning towards the door which Mike just opened from the other side. He smiled at him and ushered him out. It was then I realised everyone except Mike and May-Li had been stood silently crowded in the hall for the entire events of the last two minutes.
I sighed, expecting a wave of teasing but none came. On the contrary they were all looking at me with looks of extreme sympathy and Tee walked over, put her arm around me and led me outside to wave goodbye. It occurred to me then, they must have realised what a big deal this was to me. We never joked about anyone's parents or friends leaving. So no reason to mock this one. We all gathered outside to watch him close the boot of the van. He turned to us all and smiled a little before stepping into the front.
"See you in a few hours," Mike said waving a hand before stepping in after him.
I raised a hand up slowly while everyone shouted goodbyes after him and he peered out of the window. Our eyes locked and he gave a wan smile before disappearing from view as the van turned the corner and onto the road. I took a deep breath, holding in my tears. So he was gone. Forever.
"I'll never see him again," I whispered to myself watching the empty road with slightly blurred vision.
"Come on," gestured Kazima, "Let's get you inside."
She awkwardly laid a hand on my shoulder and gently but firmly forced me inside as I seemed immobile and frozen to the spot. Everyone had already dispersed back to their usual day to day activities as if he'd already left their mind.
"I'm gonna go to my room," I said and Kaz nodded understandingly.
"I won't disturb you," she assured me, "Only when dinner is ready."
I nodded gratefully and headed slowly upstairs collapsing on my bed in a daze. So this was it. He'd gone. Wasn't hiding in his room, running around the garden, skating through the park, cruising through the shopping centre or chucking footballs into random gardens.
I turned over in bed and felt the present he'd given me in my pocket. I got up deciding it best appropriate to open it in his room. I slipped into his empty room and leant against the wall feeling the soft carpet and breathing in his still present scent. I hated the thought of some new boy invading and trampling over his carpet and sleeping in his bed as if he trampled all over Ryan and his memory.
I felt the wrapping paper slide between my fingers and ripped gently at the corners peeling the paper of it.
"Oh my," I smiled holding it up. It was the exact same picture I'd given him but in a different frame, our initials engraved down the side. I stroked the glass covering our smiling faces when I felt a something fall out.
A note. Crumpled up hurriedly on white paper, stuffed under the frame. I opened it up and smoothed it out, it was clearly in Ryan's somewhat neat handwriting.

Maria,
By the time you get this, I'll be gone. Long gone.
You know I'm bad at these things but I needed to write something. I can't leave it on these terms. I'm sorry for shutting you out, I was angry and annoyed that I was leaving. You know I'd never intend to hurt you but you know me well enough to know I struggle between my mouth and my heart. But you've significantly improved me. Since meeting you I've felt motivated to change. To make myself better. And I feel I've partially succeeded. I was so full of hurt when I arrived and all I felt like doing was taking it out on everyone around me. But not you.
You gave me a chance. And I made a change. I had holes in my heart when I arrived and now I'm leaving, a few have slowly started to heal. You know it takes a lot for me to say this so don't get used to it especially as you're likely never to see me again. Ever.
But know this, you've impacted my life more than any care worker, nurtured me better than any parent and loved me harder than any girlfriend could.
I heavily thank you for that, there's no way I'd be feeling so good without it.
I may be disgraced, banished and punished but inside I've been released and moving on doesn't matter to me anymore because I know who the real winner is.
I won't forget you and I pray you don't forget me. I guess...I love you and I struggle to say this out loud. I feel there's too much trust attached to these words and it scares me as I'm not ready for that sort of promise. My mother claimed to love but in all evidence she didn't. I don't trust those words. Except when you say them. I know how I feel and putting it in writing is the only way I know how.
I wish you all the best in future life and I'm sure you'll do amazingly without any doubts .
Our relationship was way shorter than it ever should have been and the passion I felt for you led to the eventual demise of it. I have learnt from it never to hide my feelings as intensely as I did with you and I'm sorry you were at the expense of me finding that out. I guess we're both single now but that doesn't mean I won't think of you or blame you for finding another. Maybe one day I'll see you again.
Wish Mike the best, I'm not sure he realised I valued him a lot more than he thought. And May Li came closer to getting me than anyone else other than you. I doubt anyone can top you. I've already met the new boy due to take my room, he's quite a looker so y'know...don't hold back.
Tell chloe I'm sorry, that she'll always be my sister and whatever I've done doesn't change our relationship or how I feel about her.

All the best
Ryan x

ps: I don't blame you for it. Any of it.

A tear dropped down my face and onto the paper, staining it a little as it mixed with the ink. He didn't blame me. At all. And he loved me. That's all I needed to know.
I stood up towards Ryan's window and placed the photo frame on it facing me. I smiled in the evening glow. The exact same orange light that had shrouded me before I'd met him. Good things were coming. One door closed, another opened.
Not that I didn't miss him. I missed him hugely. I took the frame to my room and placed it on my bedside table facing my pillow.
I looked at it a lot over the next few days. I found great comfort in looking at his eyes and knowing we'd had it good. He'd sent me one text since leaving. Informing me he was safe, the care home was alright and he missed me. We'd both agreed communication would just make us miss each other more. We had to start afresh with our new lives. Too much history to carry on.
I'd learnt so much about myself. About him. And about love. It didn't need an age or time period attached to it. I loved him and that was it. And if I ever stopped loving him. I don't know. Would I ever see him again? I had no idea. But here and now, I missed him.
My door gently opened and Mike popped his head around. The rest of the care home had been surprisingly nice to me since Ryan left. No one had teased me or told me to get a grip. They'd left me alone mostly although Jacob came round once to comfort me which was kind of him. Tee also came around for a film night and bought me mountains of food which I was intensely grateful for. May-Li had had a chat with me telling me all about her first love and the struggles of growing up gay which was a huge insight for me. Mike hadn't said much except many sympathetic smiles so this was one of the first times he'd spoken to me since Ryan left.
"Hi Maria," he smiled, "How are you?"
I shrugged, "Ok," I mumbled.
He nodded understandingly, "I have the new boy arriving this afternoon, I need to you to show him around."
"Ok," I nodded and he smiled, shutting the door.
I smiled to myself. Here we go again, I thought to myself. Fresh start.

The End.

Wow so it's all over! My first Wattpad Story! HUGE amounts of love and thanks to everyone who took the time to read and comment, I'm very grateful and I'm sorry if I disappointed in some of the storylines or the ending but I'm writing for myself at the end of the day.
I will still write, probably no more Dumping Ground related anymore as I used to write them over on Fanfiction but any Outsiders or Peter Parker fans-stick around 😉
Thanks to all of you again,
A ❤️