lost my head

Eleven.

Finn right there is very busy. One, today's the first day of selling our works. Two, he's in trouble. So, I can't disturb him to ask if Keith's girlfriend has something related to him.

She keeps looking at the guy and I know how to define every looks a person give to another. Because I've been there. Gives my childhood crush a different looks. When I'm inlove, when I'm deadly inlove, when I'm deeply inlove. No, I mean, when I'm obsessed, when I'm disappointed and when I'm jealous.

There was a time that I couldn't resist. It's hard to come out what really my feelings are. The whole time I'm just this kid limitless looking at the person she likes and unable to talk to that whichever.

"I don't know why you still here" The girl who suddenly stand by in front of me interrupted my fantasy and so I look up at her.

"I'm sorry?" I say

"Look at the shade of your loose shirt and your jeans not suitable on you and your mint green oxford has no room here." Aniston speak it out.

Something's missing.

My hairstyle. She forgot to mention that my hairstyle also not acquired of hipsters. I'm just saying that I'm not a full pack hipster but I can be one.

Before I got here I was thinking how many individual will come on my way to act rude towards me. Here it is, only one. No other than Aniston. She's being mean to me since my day one here. Believe it or not, even if I encountered people like her back then, I'm still not used to it. They're not as mean as they think they are.

"I thought you're done with me?"

"That's not gonna happen, sweetheart. Look at your hair! Don't you have a conditioner in your house? And seriously? Such a butch!" she exclaimed

Then here it goes. She thought of my hair. But this is just a Halsey hairstyle inspiration I searched on google before I graduate because Dad told me to have a good look. I just forgot to dye my hair blue-green.

"What do you want from me? I mean, camp is almost end and you're still not okay with me." I stand up to face her "what's wrong with you?"

"Ohh. Nothing's wrong with me. It's just you. And I don't need anything to you because you have nothing. You are the person that doesn't matter. And you wanna know why I don't like you? 'cause I don't think you're one of us which I really hope you didn't exist here. You're a fake hippie. I don't know how you became qualified here. Look at your fashion tastes. Is that a new style? And watch out your words. Like, really, do you ever speak? Maybe all you know about hipsters is that they oftenly drink coffee but you don't know how they're active in current situation in public. So I guess better be go away." she gave me an apologetic smile and walks out.

I heave. I wanted to cry like a baby, cry of blood because suddenly I realized my life sucks.

This place has full of bloodsucker. Not the camp, but the whole world I'm burden.

I get back on seat and bend down my head to think deeply. All of a sudden, I can't think very deep because of what Aniston said.

It just made me think that I right now found myself. My number one reason of joining this camp is to know myself better and now I get it. I knew it. I'm not matter. Everything about me doesn't matter. This is why people don't care my existence. All my parents left me is their clearly loud noises. I'm a freak and got problems and troubles.

Put my family in troubles. Put my best friend in trouble. Put this group in trouble.

Honestly, I'm a jinx in this group. The reason why Finn is very busy than the other team leaders is that Danny's group selling a paintings of poiliticians in a very artistic way. I, myself can't believe they did that. They change the style of White House but the thought of it is still in the painting. Also, some of our works rejected by the trios. Meaning, our goods decrease. They say, trios never done that before. I might started to think this is my fault. If I wasn't in this group maybe they're not gonna over or underqualified our works, especially my works.

Someone poke my back, "Hey"

I look up to see her. It's Cady. Wondering why she's always there whenever Aniston kills me into her words.

"Are you sleepy? Or sad?" she asks, put her arms to my shoulder and sit beside me.

"I'm sad."

"Me too." she smiled.

The first time I see her, I know she's this incredible woman. From thanking Finn that she's lucky to be part of Awks to saving me for everything. The movie night on HipCamp's television. The long time picnic in the field. The gossips she share to me inside and outside the camp. Like sharing me how much she adore School is Cool, too. She likes gummy bears as much as I do, when she's home alone she's marathoning Harry Potter all day and caught up until dawn.

"No. I'm really sad." I explained.

"Ohhh. Sweetie, is that because of failing some paintings?" she brushed my back.

"Because of it. Not!"

"God! Is--is that because of Aniston?" She furrows. I told her I get anxiety to people who insults me. No one else does it to me but Aniston. "Honey, how many times--"

"Yeah. I know. You cheer me up in canteen, in our cabin, in art room and right now. But I just.." shaking my head "just can't take this anymore."

"This is so hard. I'm sorry I can't push you through things--"

"Don't say that! You've shared a lot of words to me that I didn't hear before from important people." I say

"True. But that's not enough. I don't have any experience like that. And uhmm, wait! Don't take it bad, I mean I'm not saying that I have the luckiest ass in the universe. I'm just saying that.." she paused "I'm not an expert. Yeah!" she rest her hand on her lap.

"Still thank you for being there when I need someone to talk to, like now. You are here. I'm trying to figure myself out of whatever you were tell me before." I said. "but..don't you think I'm the jinx in this group? I mean--"

"What?"

"This is the first time in Awks to have a work rejected by the trios and it's not good."

"But FYI, dear, your paint isn't one of the rejected works. Don't blame yourself." she informed me.

"Yes but my point is I'm the jinx. If I wasn't here, this wouldn't happen."

"How sure are you that it's your fault? I mean, it could be Annie, Travis or someone else in our group that is also newbie. Don't put yourself in bad scene." she tells me, but my expression still not contented and convinced. "I have an idea."

"Hmm?"

"Let's sell these paintings secretly. There's no trios exists in convention so it's not possible that they could see us selling it!" sounds she's excited.

Open my eyes and mouth wide "How is that possible?" unbelievably for me that Cady could come up an idea like that.

"Team Leaders and their three assistants will stay here and us, will be in our cabin"

"You mean, they're not going back in our Cabin or not even in Art Room or.."

"Yes and yes. They'll stay here in convention. Sleep in backstage, take shower in convention's restroom, eat while selling."

"Oh god! So we're going back in camp later and TL's are gonna stay here until the last day?" I say "what are we going to do in Cabin? Just seating pretty?"

"What we're going to do in Cabin is supervise the rejected works and bring back here in third day because probably everyone will be busy and they didn't realize or observe us that we're selling whichever."

This convention is outside the HipCamp, beside it. And every year they held the victory, contest or any of their big event.