phobophobia • all my fears

Failure

I struggle when I fail at something. It seriously hurts me emotionally.

I have a set goal in life, and that goal is to make everyone happy or please everyone as much as possible. I don't know why, but that's my one major goal in life.
Failure gets in the way of those plans.

One time, a teacher gave a speech about students not pushing themselves. She said that those students could be amazing workers, but they don't try hard enough to do anything.
When class was nearing, she pulled my boyfriend (not my boyfriend at the time) and I to the side. She asked if we're afraid to push ourselves, and, after we said yes, why.
I don't remember his response, but I remember almost breaking down while pouring my heart out to this teacher. I told the both of them that I'm terrified of failing, and that I feel like everyone I know would be let down if I tried to do something incredible and failed.

That mini speech still lingers in my mind, even today. Even after six months, it's in my head.