Smother (Kellic)

Will We Meet Again?

"So, how long have you been together?" Kellin asked as he finished chewing, looking between the two of us.

"Seven years" Mike answered, proudly before us. That left me with my mouth open as I almost replied.

I saw Kellins eyes widen as he nodded "that's impressive" he said with a small smile.
Jaime and I nodded as we looked at each other. At least we aren't fighting when we have people over, but we aren't really close either.

I love him with all of my heart.

"How did you become friends?" Jaime asked with a gentle smile, looking between me and Kellin.

"Kellin was performing a slam poem when I walked in to buy a book, and after that he thanked me for coming" I replied simply as I finished my pizza.

"Then I realized that I read a few of his books" Kellin added with a small shrug.

Jaime smiled at him "Vic spends the majority of his time on those books" he stated, looking at me with a mixture of happiness and stress.

"They're amazing" Kellin said quickly, smiling "like life changing, really" he complimented as he put his napkin on his empty plate.

I felt myself blushing. Of course I've seen the reviews online, I've been given a lot of compliments, but I'm always flustered when I receive them in person. Jaime nodded as he continued to eat. He used to feel the same way about them.

"It's cool that you write poetry" Mike said "Tony used to write some back in high school" Mike bragged, looking at Tony with amusement.

Tony rolled his eyes "because I had a poetry project in English" he cracked a smile.
"What do you write about?" He asked Kellin, taking the attention away from himself.

Kellin sat back and shrugged "my family, issues in society, my job.. the one Vic saw today was about my last boyfriend"
Oh, so he is gay.
Was he asking me out or just being friendly? Why do I need to know?

He and his last boyfriend had a bad relationship. That's what the poem was about, they loved each other but were also killing each other.
Every ounce of my body felt with guilt when I related that back to Jaime and I. No. I love him, I can't do it without him, we aren't killing each other we're just having issues we need to work through.

There was a moment of silence as everyone acknowledged that he was gay, but he just looked between us.
"It was about how unhealthy our relationship was. I mean, we loved each other, we were together for years but he got angry a lot, and I was stubborn of course. I was kind of a burden to him, and he was a burden to me. It was kind of like reassurance that we will find someone again who we can be healthy with" he explained, his voice sounding tired.
It was probably hard to talk over a big group of people like that.

I felt Jaime tense up beside me and I could tell that he was thinking the same thing, and I hated that.

He's doubting us and I am too, that scares me. I need him. It doesn't matter if we have doubts, I'm extremely dependent on him. Shit, that's another burden on him.

I think that he truly is better off without me, but I'm nothing without him.. I could afford a cheap apartment and the food I would need, but that isn't why I couldn't do it without him. I need him because without him I would be afraid of everything, and he knows that.

The only reason he's with me is because he's afraid I would kill myself.

But I wouldn't, I would be too afraid to do it. I don't know how I attempted to do it all those years ago.