Smother (Kellic)

The Winter Sky

"The winter sky,
Enveloped in a white sheet;

The way I feel when everything becomes a burden

The way I feel when nothing feels like home anymore"

I closed the taped up book, and held it gently in my hands, blinking away the tears.
I picked up the book to save myself from an upcoming panic attack, and it worked. Mostly, anyways.
Jaime is upset with me, and this is the first time since he thought I was going to leave. He was extremely remorseful and gentle for four days. I looked at myself in the mirror from where I was on the corner of the bed.

Tear stains ran down my face, and my eyes were nearly glazed over from all of the crying. My lip had a decent sized cut, and there were small bruises on my jaw of Jaime's fingerprints. The bruise on my wrist is still there, and I feel conflicted each time I see what he's done to me.

Conflicted because I know that it was my fault, and at the same time if Mike or Tony told me their significant other hurt them, regardless of the situation, I would be opposed.

If I wasn't so needy, and selfish, and harmful to him it wouldn't have happened.
I still don't know why he thought I was cheating on him, I've done nothing to make him think that I ever would. I do miss the short lived company of Kellin Quinn, but I would never cheat on Jaime.

"No one else is ever going to love you the way I do"

That's what Jaime said before he left for work.
He finally told the truth.

It hurt so bad because I knew that it was true.
Jaime loves me more than anyone ever has, and more than anyone ever will.
I hurt the one person who loved me more than anyone else could.

I never meant to hurt anyone.

I buried my face in my hands and listened to the sound of Barbara beside me. All she was doing was sleeping, but i've grown concerned for her as of late.
Her breaths come slower than they used to, and her eyes seem to be more dull than they used to be. I know she's getting old, but I'm not ready for that.

Everything seems to be getting bad all at once.

***

The Smiths played their angelic tunes, as I rubbed Barbara between her ears the way she loves. She purred up at me, blinking slowly as her eyes landed into mine.

I have never loved an animal so much.

I smiled as I continued to pet her, running my fingers over her silky fur, she laid against my chest and I could feel the vibration on my skin.

I've wasted most of the day like this, but I loved every minute of it.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I straightened up as I heard a pretty basic knocking noise, I felt the same rush of anxiety I always do. Could it be Kellin?
Most of me missed him, the other part was hoping it wasn't him.

My busted lip was still there, and I don't think Kellin is stupid, I made it clear that something happened when I shut him out, and there is no going back.

If he tries to do something about it, it'll ruin my relationship.

I need him to know that it is more my fault than it is Jaime's.

I gently moved Barbara off of me and she laid down where I moved her, blinking slowly, I could still hear her purrs fade away as I walked closer to the door.
I gently looked through the peep hole, trying to be quiet, so If I did have to pretend I wasn't home I could.

Mike.

Without thinking, I opened the door.
"Hey baby brother" I sighed playfully, he smirked.