Neverland.

8; Envied love

Sky's POV

I pushed through people making out and doing body shots. Its gross how teenagers turn a perfectly elegant party into something horrible.

My party started out with dressed teenage girls asking me how I was doing, balloons and champagne. Now it had slutty bitches (not leaving myself out of that category), drugs and vodka.

Outside I went to the stoners. Johnny Rich, Sally Heart and Kevin Row. I didn't say a single word. I simply got into the circle as everyone puffed and passed. Johnny's eyes kept meeting mine. He smiled. So did I. We giggled. And we kept giggling. Johnny stood next to me. "You wanna get out of here birthday girl?" He whispered. I didn't say anything. I didn't feel like talking. I simply took his hand and we left.

As we got in his car he put his hand on my thigh. Thrills of disgust ran down my spine. I hit his hand away. "Don't." I said. I didn't mean to but I started crying. I had never felt this sad while I was high. I got out of Johnny's car. I ran. I ran away from the party. I ran past Peter's car. But then I stopped. I needed to feel in control.

I got out the hall's keys. I knew about how hard Peter worked and how much money he needed to save for this car. I got on his roof. I keyed my name in the paint. I felt thrilled. I jumped off his roof. I stomped on his windscreen. I kicked it. Not enough. I got off and gathered stones. I threw one at his winscreen. It cracked. I threw another. And another, and three more. until his windscreen looked shit. I dragged the key across his paint some more. I wrote him a message. "I hate you. I love you"
I kicked his car. Three new dents.

When my rage fit was done I turned around to leave when I saw Peter standing. His eyes weren't full of hatred as I expected but instead they were filled with...tears? I stared at him. My eyes however were not only crying but they had a dead look in them. I know this because, your eyes are the windows to your soul. And my soul was dead now. I didn't feel like myself. I hated him. I hated her. I hated me.

"Are you done?" Peter asked me as I walked toward him. I hit him on his chest. I hit him once. Twice. Five times.
"I fucking hate you!" I yelled. "It wasn't enough for you to take my virginity, was it?! You had to have my best friend blow you!? You had to have a pretty, little freshman girlfriend. You said you loved me. I held you those nights you cried. You were in hospital with me when my parents died. You said I was your Tinkerbell. You promised me. You fucking promised me!!!" I yelled. I kept hitting him. I didn't want to hear his voice say my name. I didn't want to ever hear him say those three words again. I hit him on his chest again. He didn't speak.

Eventually I stopped yelling and hitting. I only stood crying. He came closer to me. I wanted to push him away, but as he took me into his arms, I felt loved. I felt like I wanted to kiss those lips again. I needed him. I needed to love him. I did love him. I would always love him. He was crying too.

"I love you, Sky. Please. Stop doing this. You're better than this." Peter begged me. I pushed him away. I stared at him with my watery eyes.
"If you really loved me, you would leave her." I said. I couldn't bare the silence. I expected him to say that he would. But instead he stayed silent. Finally he spoke. "I can't just leave her. I love her. I love you." He whispered.

"Then please. Just love me now." I said.

And he did. He made love to me in the back of his car. He whispered how he loved me. He whispered how he needed me in his life. I was fully consious of what was happening. I didn't want to stop it. He whispered how he was sorry. He whispered so many promises. In those moments he was all mine. Only mine. It was the best 2 hours of my life.

When it ended, I felt as though there was hope. He held me as though he wasn't going to let go. "Tinkerbell, I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much. I don't wanna live without you." Peter whisperd. It meant so much to me.
"Then don't Peter. Don't leave me. Leave her. Just be mine. I'm yours remeber. You said it would be forever." I whispered. He nodded.
"Our time will come. Just be patient okay?" He said kissing my forehead. I thought about the time I held him as he was crying. "You know that quote Bob Marley said?" I asked.
"Yeah?" Peter replied.
"You're worth suffering for." I said.
"You're only gonna get hurt with me." He said. Of course I already knew this. He told me that he wasn't gonna leave his girlfriend. I didn't want to get mad. But I did. I got out of his car.
"We can still be friends. You're still my Tinkerbell." He said. I knew this. I just didn't want to be his friend.
"I wanna be your girl. Not your friend. Just consider it. I love you." I kissed him.
"I love you. I'll think about it." He said. I left.

I walked to my own house. The one where my parents lived. I hadn't been there in a while.

As I was about to get into bed, i realised i wasn't tired. I was still confused as to what me and Peter were to each other. I got out of bed to get dressed again. I started walking to Val's house. I felt like she was my only friend.

I felt like my mind was chaos. It was. One moment i hated Peter. The next I craved him. Then again I wanted to bawl my eyes out and kick and scream. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to stop mistreating me. But he never would. And I knew this. But how could I not love him, when he's my Peterpan?

I knocked on her window at 4 in the morning and still she opened. She knew I wanted to talk. You's be suprised how much this happened. She got dressed while I waited outside. "Hay Sky. What's up?" She said as we walked along the side walk. I told her about everything. To say she was dissapointed was an understatement. "I can't believe that Mel would do that. I'm so sorry. I'm here for you honey." Val said hugging me. "We have to talk to Mel about what she did."
This was one of the many thing I loved about Val. She would stick by your side. No matter what. "Val, I wanna show you Neverland." I said. She nodded. "I would love to see it." We headed to the park.

In the dark it was hard to see but finally I managed to firgure out who the people was sitting under Peter and I's tree. I turned around when I saw him get up. I bit my lip until I tasted blood. The fact that he would bring Rachel to our special place was inexcusable. I turned to Val. She saw the hurt in my eyes. "Sky!" Peter called. He was running toward me. I calmly walked the other way. And by calmly i mean, I ran. Rachel got up too. She stood awkwardly under the tree. "I trusted you. You said this was our Neverland. Only ours." I said. He shrugged. "Listen, I fucked up I'm sorry." Peter kept saying. I simply kept walking. Val snapped. "Just get away from her. You've hurt her enough, okay? Its over." She yelled. She took me by my arm and dragged me away. I was over this shitty experience.

I was so jealous of his little slut. When I got home from Val's it was already 7 in the morning. I stood staring at myself in the mirror.
Ugly.
Worthless.
Not enough.
Slut.

Words kept running out of my mouth. My mind was loaded with thoughts. I needed to hurt Peter back. I needed to break Melanie. I needed to be perfect. But how could I hurt them. Its all my fault. If only I was prettier. Or nicer. Or smarter. I had no right to hurt them. All i should be dling is hurting myself.

I went into my parents room. I had my 5th breakdown for the day. I lay on their bed, crying. I yelled their names. I missed them.