Bodyguard (completed)

Ch.18

I haven't spell checked this, or even read over it so I'll edit it later I just wanted to upload it love ya!

Izaya's pov
I turn the shower on and get in, thinking about the last night. I don't feel very good today, not I'll just on edge and depressed.

Shizuo has been asks me how I am e since my last attempt, he hasn't checked my arms or legs yet, but he said he's gonna check them when he takes the stitches out later on today.

I think about the promise I made Shizuo, "I won't do it again I promise!" What was I thinking? I can't keep that promise!

I look down at my scars. They're so ugly! I don't know how Shizuo can even bare to look at them, I hate them so much! I'm such a mess! I hate myself! The next thing I know my mind goes blank, I don't have control over myself.

I start to cry and curl up into a ball against the wall of the shower, I cry into my knees." Why am I so stupid?!" I shout at myself I cry some more, I start to scratch my legs and arms, ripping the stitches out of both of them.

I just want them to go away! I hate them! I hate them! I HATE THEM!

"Izaya? What's wrong!" I can hear Shizuo open the door, but I'm too angry to care right now.

I continue to scram and rip out the stitches, reopening countless cuts and making them even worse.

Shizuo rushes over to me and gets into the shower knocking it off. "Izaya Stop!" He shouts, concern and worry obvious in his voice.

"Stop! Stop!" He shouts shaking my shoulders.

"IZAYA STOP!" Shizuo grabs my arms and pulls them towards him and not letting go of them. I try to pull my arms from his grip but his hands only tighten around them, sure to leave bruises. It's enough to snap me out of my break down of sorts.

It's like I've been brought back to reality, I notice all the blood that's running down the plug hole, it's pretty much a blood bath.

"W-wha-?" I'm so confused, I kinda just blanked and now that I can see all the blood and what I've done I'm really panicking.

I start to hyper ventilate. "Izaya what the hell! What happened?!" He shouts, he realises that I'm in just as much shock as he is, he grabs a towel and wraps it around me, then he picks me up and Carries me to my bedroom.

He throws me a pair of boxers, I put them on. He walks over to me with a first aid box and inspects the cuts,
" what happened?" He asks me as he disinfects the cuts.

"I-i don't know, I was just having a shower one minute and the next your shouting and there's blood everywhere.." I mumble.

"Do you don't remember doing this?" He asks me. "N-no, I remember but I didnt have control over myself" I say.

He looks up at me and sighs, " izaya, you have to stop doing this, I cant watch you take away your own life!" He says his voice filled with hurt.

I just play with my hands, I know saying sorry isn't good enough anymore. " I don't matter Shizuo, nobody will miss me when I'm gone"
"I will!" He looks me in the eye.

"If I just stand back and watch the person I love rot away, I would never forgive myself!" He pauses and so do I. I process what he just said.

"S-Shizuo.... you, love me?"