What Happens in High School

Chapter Six

Another Line Without A Hook

Max’s POV *Trigger Warning*

I still couldn’t believe myself. Not only did I play in front of Bob, which was the most nerve wracking thing I’d ever done, but I told him that he made me nervous. Yeah, that’s definitely something you want to hear. If I had a chance with Bob before, it was undeniably out the window now. Why did I even open my mouth in the first place? It was one thing to have Bob listen to me play, but me talking is a totally different story.

Being around guys I liked always made me kind of nervous. I was even shy around Ray for a while when I had a crush on him in the fifth grade, and he was my best friend. But Bob was different, it was worse. I was afraid to talk around him because I was afraid I’d say something stupid. Perfect example: playing for him at the music store. When I did talk to him I tried to keep it pretty light, but on Saturday I don’t know what came over me. He probably thought I didn’t like him or didn’t want to be around him. So not true.

I got ready for school like usual, kicking it off with a phone call. “Morning Ray.” I spoke into the phone at 6:30 in the morning. Ray obviously thought otherwise. “Ugh, no. I don’t want to go to school. Can’t I just stay in my pajamas and play guitar all day?” Ray was not the definition of a morning person. “No, now come on and get dressed, I’ll be over soon.” And with that I flipped the phone closed and went to get ready myself. I took a quick shower and kind of dried my hair before buttoning up my shirt and tucking it into my skirt. Could these uniforms get any uglier?

I looked at the clock that read ‘7:00’ and grabbed my stuff. I looked around my room one last time to see if I was missing anything when it caught my eye. The old case from my spare glasses that I kept my kit in. I hadn’t used it in months and I promised myself, and Ray, that I wouldn’t do it again. But that thought didn’t stop me from going over and putting in my bag. Just in case.

I slipped on my shoes and went downstairs. I yelled a quick goodbye to my parents, where ever they were and headed out the door. When I got to Ray’s I wasn’t shocked to see that, once again, he wasn’t ready. I tied his tie and he tucked in his shirt. After he was finally put together we headed out to go get Bob, something I really wasn’t looking forward to today. Would he bring up the conversation from Saturday?

Ray and I got to Bob’s house just as he walked out. Today he managed to get his tie put on by himself, which relieved me because I didn’t want to have to do it for him. In fact, I really didn’t want to have to see him at all, but I figured that I’d have to get over it eventually. Bob got in the backseat behind Ray and greeted us with a, “Hey guys.” He gave me a quick look in the rearview mirror as he said this. At least I think it was for me. If I wasn’t mistaken, I thought I saw a smile.

We got to school and Ray took off down the hall. Poor kid has to run a marathon just to get to first period. Bob and I walked in silence to homeroom. Saying it was awkward to be around him would be an understatement. The whole day pretty much went like this. I had four classes and lunch block with Bob and I didn’t say a word to him during any of them. I don’t know why I couldn’t just work up my one ounce of courage for the day and talk to him. Just as I started to get mildly comfortable around him I had to go and screw it up.

I was irrationally uncomfortable even being around Bob now and I hated it. It was like going straight back to square one and then taking another ten steps back. It wasn’t even that big of a deal but I just made it worse. I went into the bathroom during my free period and just sat there. I pulled out my kit and opened it up. No, I won’t do it, I thought to myself as I unzipped it and looked inside. There they were, all neat inside their case equipped with alcohol pads and bandages. I hadn’t used them in forever. I hadn’t needed my blades in months. I sat just looking at the silver razors. One from a pencil sharpener, another from a shaving razor. I snapped at my rubber band; a therapy trick I had picked up when I was trying to quit after the first break down. I tried to breathe and think about it for a moment when all of a sudden I was digging.