Mikaal

5: Mikaal

Where do I start... I guess I should just spit it out.

I wasn't sure at first... I guess I've been lying to myself, but I can't deny it any more...

I've fallen for Blake.

It didn't happen straight away. It's Simon's fault really, since he was the one who 'convinced' me (more like forced me) to join the Save the Children uni club with him. It's more Simon's kind of thing, social causes and volunteering stuff.

It's only been two months but I feel like I've learnt a lot about him, and the more I learn about him, the more I can't help liking him more & more! Is it silly to have fallen for someone after only knowing them for a couple of months? But then I guess there are people who fall in love 'at first sight'.

But I honestly feel like I'm back in high school, the way he's always on my mind, the way I can't help daydreaming about him, the way picturing his smiling face in my mind keeps me up like practically every night when I'm trying to go to sleep!

God, and when I'm around him, my head spins & he gives me the biggest butterflies. I can't help feeling so so shy when I'm just in his presence.

Maybe it's because he's so good looking. I love how he's the perfect height, nice & tall & slim, not in a lanky way, in a nice way, like someone who does martial arts. I don't think he's into sports though. But it's his eyes that I love the most, his perfect, baby blue eyes. My heart's racing right now just remembering the times our eyes have met.

It's not just his looks though. I love how he seems like such a sweet & kind guy, the way he speaks to people, the way he acts as a mediator when people can't agree on something during one of our club meetings.

And he's so hardworking & intelligent, I overheard him saying that he studies engineering, which is a course that's so hard to get into & must take up a lot of his time, but he actually still makes time to volunteer to help disadvantaged children. I wonder if he comes from a disadvantaged background, or knows kids who did?

I wish I was a more confident person. I wouldn't feel so stupid the times I'm supposed to be talking about the newsletter that I'm in charge of putting together, but my tongue's in knots when I know he's looking at me (well duh, off course he has to look at me in a meeting when I'm meant to be talking about what I've been working on for the club!). Don't even get me started on the times I have to actually speak to him for the newsletter! Thank God for Simon, who talks to him for me so I can avoid embarrassing myself. I think Simon's becoming friends with Blake from what I can tell. I could ask him, but I don't want Simon to know yet that I like Blake...

Sometimes I think I shouldn't have let Simon convince me to join the club in the first place, I don't feel like I have much to offer. And I wouldn't have met Blake... Because I know I'm just torturing myself in even liking him when I know he could never return my feelings, because how could such a great guy like him ever consider someone as boring as me? There are much prettier, smarter girls for him to choose from, even in our club, that I'm just no match for.

It's painful sometimes thinking about the fact that this will always be one-sided, especially when I wish he could be my guy when he just ticks all the boxes & has everything I've been looking for...

Dear God, I really like this guy so much, I don't think there'll ever be a guy as perfect as him, is it crazy to ask that I might one day become the kind of girl who's worthy of him?

Dalia shut the ageing journal, with its fading blue ink and discolouration, feeling quite melancholic. It was strange reading her old diary entry from over two years ago, recounting the time she had realised she had fallen for Blake. It almost felt like she was reading about a different person, a shy, young 17-going-on-18-year-old girl who thought too little of herself—and too much of a guy who would ultimately crush her heart.