Freak tried Art (5)

... Can I ask you guys a question? Cause I need help and no one will listen.

Well, no one that I'm talking to about this at least.

So, how do I start this the best way? Hmmm... okay, got it.

...How can I sleep without any kind of meds?

Because at this point I'm desperate and my parents won't help me.

I tell them time and time again that I'm laying awake for hours, just staring at the ceiling in hopes of falling asleep, and when I finally do at like 4 am, I wake up again at 9 am if I'm lucky, if not, even earlier.

But they tell me I'm just not trying hard enough. That I should go to bed earlier. Well, just how early do you want me to go to bed? I've tried going to bed at 8 pm instead of 10 pm, but guess what? It didn't do shit. I even tried to go to bed at 6 pm and that indeed helped me fall asleep at like 2 am, but that's not enough. Once school starts again I have to get up at 6 am.

I told my parents that I'd like medical help for it, or that we at least ask my doctor about it. I told them that there's a thing called insomnia when they said again that I just need to go to bed earlier. Guess what they answered? "Yeah, that might exist, but believe us, you're not that special".

Okay, then I'm not special. But I still have trouble with falling asleep.

So I need help from someone else, because my parents have decided that it's just my own fault, just like everytime I get sick or hurt myself.

I'm sure that the massive headache I have right now is also just my own fault if I asked them.

... Sorry, I shouldn't be talking like that about my parents.

The point I tried to make is: I can't consult a doctor or get meds so I have to solve it on my own.

Is there any of you who's had a problem like that? If so, how've you dealt with it? Do you heave any tips for me?

Because I'm getting desperate. For the last week I've spent three hours in the bed after I woke up, in hopes I'd fall asleep again because I've felt tired. I'm feeling tired right now, but I know I can't sleep yet. My head hurts like someone hit it with full force against a wall several times. I know I need help but I don't know how to get any.

Also, I'd appreciate it if you now wouldn't tell me that I need to go to bed earlier and that'd be it. Really, it won't be funny, it'll anger me, hurt me. Don't try to be funny please. I'm in a mood that I'll name "I feel like I'm about to cry cause I remebered someone that I wish was still alive". Yes, that's a real mood for me now, because I've beed feeling like that way too often lately.

No need to worry about that picture, really. It's just a quote from the song "Ghosting" by Mother Mother. That song seems to be stuck in my mind at the moment cause I listened to it at the funeral feast. It's like, a very fitting song... but it was pure coincidence I listened to it the whole time. Kinda hurts when someone suddenly stops fighting for you though, doesn't it?

Okay, wait, Stop that stupid sad mood, me! No one needs that right now!

Onto positive news! That character in the picture is my Persona :D

And yes, she'll ALWAYS be drawn in this chibi-ish style. I like it and it's easy to draw! ^^

Also, Her name will be Catarina. Or Cat, for short I guess :/

Because that'll be MY name at some point. Well, it already kind of is my name, but not my first name, and I wanna switch my middle name with my first name. Don't planning it on telling my parents yet though because... they can barely rememeber my current first name... and it's Lea. Like... yeah... I doubt they'll remember to call me Catarina so I'll wait till they can at least rememeber my first name correctly... believe it or not, they sometimes call me by my sister's name. Yeah...

PERSONA :D

Also, despite everyone's believes, Froid is NOT my Fursona, nor will he ever be. He's not even really a furry because I've clearly stated that he's a chimera and he has a backstory fitting that fact. He doesn't fit in the furry fandom at all, other than the body structure.

For those who ever wondered: Froid is a character based off of my brother, the way I know him. He's usually only that cold to me.