The royal soldier (Levi x reader)

Episode 15

You opened your eyes and sat on your bed. Yesterday you spend almost a whole day in your room starring at the wall. You couldn't think. Today was better. You looked at your fists. They were all red and purple. In some places there was still some dry blood left. You decided to cover them with bandages and then you walked down for breakfast. You didn't say anything. You didn't even talk to anyone. You were too embarrassed after what happened. After when they saw you in that state. You sat alone and started eating. Tomorrow you will be able to practice normally again. You will have something else to focus on than your thoughts. Then Eren came to your table.

-Can I sit? - he asked.
-Sure. - your voice sounded strangely.
-Listen... I want to help you. Just... tell me what can I do?
-Nothing. I'm fine. You don't have to do anything. - you said not even looking at him.

You just wanted him to walk away. You felt so bad with the thought that he had to see you like that. To see you... mad. You sensed his anger. You could fell it from far away not even looking at him. He walked away without a word and walked away. You heard him walking fast upstairs. You turned away and almost run to stop him. But you froze just when you turned back in your chair. You couldn't make yourself go. You couldn't make yourself look them in the eyes. Or even face them. You finished your meal shutting down your thoughts and got back to your room.

***

Not even thinking about knocking this time or feeling scared Eren opened the doors to Levi's office and walked inside. He was flowing with anger. Levi was just standing in front of his desk looking at some papers. Or pretending to. When he moved his attention to Eren he was already right next to him.

-What did you do? - he said trying to hold his anger inside. - What did you do to her?
-I..- he closed his eyes. - I couldn't... - the words didn't want to come through.
-What? You couldn't stop yourself? From what? Huh?
-I couldn't hold my feelings in. I knew that she didn't want to even see me probably. But when I saw her in pain again... I...
-What? - he looked at him confused.
-I told her about Nanaba... and I knew that this would be just too much... - his voice broke.
-What happened that day?
-No. - he shakes his head and turned to the window to hide his eyes all red from holding his tears in. - I promised her no to tell anyone.
-You love her?

Levi wiped his eyes. He didn't say anything.

-If you do than please. Help her now.
-Don't you understand what I said? She can't even look at me. She probably hates me. Wants me to disappear.
-Then you did something. I don't know what. But you did. And you have to apologize. She may not forgive you. But it's not right. You have to talk to her.

After that Eren left the room. When Levi finally was alone all his emotions flew out. He fell on his knees. Hid his head in his arms. Tears started to fall on the floor. His heart was burning from pain and sorrow.

***

A few days after you started to train properly every day and got back your condition you made a decision to leave for a lonely mission. Hanji informed you yesterday about new form of scout missions for volunteers. Its point is to patrol the grounds and smaller villages inside the walls to look for any sights of titans. There may be some that still weren't killed during last expedition. If you found any traces you supposed to report it to the HQ and if you find a titan, kill it or if possible make it to fallow you to the closest wall. There will be soldiers stationing on them that will have the proper gear to catch it. You wanted to do something. Being alone seemed like the best option right now. You already told Hanji that you are interested. In your hand was a letter with big letters saying REQUEST ACCEPTED from HQ. You put it in your pocket, took a deep breath and walked to Levi's office. You haven't seen him since the first day you arrived. You cleared your mind and knocked.

-Yes?
-It's (N).
-Come in. - he said after a few seconds of silence.

You walked in and put the letter in front of him. He opened it and looked at you. You quickly looked away.

-What is this?
-I volunteered for this mission. It supposed to take a few days. I'm leaving tomorrow. Sorry that I didn't tell you sooner.
-B-But you are not in condition to go on a mission yet. Especially not alone.
-I'm. And they will choose a three person groups.
-Listen.(N). We have to talk.- his voice sounded strange.
-I understand. But can we please wait with it for the time I will return?
-I would rather...
-Please.
-Okey. But. Be careful.
-I will. - you looked at him for a second and immediately regretted it.

You walked out of his office with tears in your eyes. You put your hand on your chest. The pain started to spread from your heart. You bite your lip and close your eyes. You managed to calm down and opened your eyes. A little drop of blood was falling down your chin.