Right Now (Camila/you)

fifteen

a/n hopefully last time it's in Camila's POV :)

Camila's POV

She's all I could think about. I pictured her in that hospital bed, sick and dying, while I'm here with my friends laughing and living, yet still I was dying. The cancer wasn't gone, but I was able to go home.

My friends surrounded me, watching The Notebook, one of my favourite movies. Popcorn in two bowls for all of us. Even though I loved Ryan Gosling, nothing could tear my mind away from Y/N.

What she said to me when I left stuck with me. I scratched my head, where my fingers met the smooth skin of my bald head. I felt okay letting the girls see my head, I was always insecure about it, but with them I didn't feel the need to hid it.

As the movie went on, I had the urge to text Y/N. I didn't know if she still had her phone, or if she'd even answer. We haven't used our phones since the winter when we were away from each other for those few days.

Her phone could be dead, but it wouldn't hurt trying. I told her I'd live my life, but my life wasn't full without her. I knew that now.

Camila: hey :) I don't know if your phone is dead or not but I wanted to see how you were doing.

I sent the message, but the reply didn't come as quick as I thought. Not even read yet. I wasn't about to become obsessed with my phone again, I'd been nice without it.

"You miss her?" Dinah asked, the movie loud enough and her whisper low that the others couldn't hear.

"I do." Camila admitted. Dinah grabbed her hand with her own. "She's going to be fine. Have hope. Just like we have for you, and now her."

Camila put her head on Dinah's shoulder, happy to have her friends surrounding her. She was lucky, having the support system she did. Hopefully Y/N had the same.

Y/N♡: I'm ok, don't worry.

×××

Y/N's POV

I wasn't doing any better. Even if the doctors said so. I felt the same. I guess this is how my dad felt. At least something like this.

He never got this bad. At least in my nine year old eyes he didn't. He looked the same as he always did. A big smile on his face. Full of life, even when the cancer was killing him.

He was able to come home, he was well enough for that. Thanks to Germany and their treatments, he was able to live an extra year. I just wished he was here now, with me.

He was in my heart, but that wasn't enough. I missed him a lot. I never got a life with him, experience any milestones in my life with him. A lit of that hinges were taken from me when her passed, beside the life with a father.

My mom never found anyone else. She was a single mom for me and my sister. She took all my crap when high school started and I was in a bad place. That was before the cancer started.

The biggest problem was me and her fighting all the time. I was grieving. Badly. What happened to my dad and to others in our life that had died from cancer, it finally took a toll on me and I broke. It was bad.

We were always fighting. I wasn't myself anymore and it took me always while to figure that out. I never wanted to go outside, stayed cooped up in my room with the door closed and my phone in my face.

I took that time for grated. I didn't some really bad things then, things I didn't think I'd do. Then I got this. I was finally getting better and I got cancer, the one thing that was destroying our family.

Katie still didn't know what was going on, I treated her just like my dad treated me when everything was going on. Reminded me of the days, told me to be positive and be happy.

He knew he was going to die that day. He hugged me longer than usual before I left for school. In a way, I did get to say goodbye, I just didn't think I'd be the last time I saw him.

I came home that day not feeling well. I felt something was wrong, at least that's what my mom told me. He was at the hospital getting stuff done like usual. It was the next day when my mom told me he was gone.

I didn't leave the house for three days, but by then everyone knew what happened before some kid heard when my mom told my bus driver. That kid was in my class and told everyone. I held that grudge for a while because it wasn't his place to tell everyone. It was mine.

It was a rough year. But u got through every single year, each one hitting me with a new death. Life wasn't being the nicest. Especially now. Out of all of it, it hit me with the worst thing. The thing we all feared.

I texted Camila back, lying but reassuring her. I just felt dead. I didn't feel good. I felt I could just go and that'd be it. I'd been fighting for a long time and now I was just on the brink. I could see my dad earlier than I thought.

I shouldn't think like that. I could leave my mom and Katie. That would be a final straw. My mom couldn't take that. I couldn't leave my friends. I couldn't leave Camila. That would kill them. But I really didn't have control over the sickness.

All I could do was get better. And I would try my damn hardest. Because I wasn't ready to die. Not that easy. I was determined to live. Cancer wasn't about to take me away, not after three years.

I'd fight, like I'd always have. But ten times harder. This time, I finally realized I had people I needed to survive for. Not just myself.

×××

This was short yes I'm sorry. Hope you guys had a good weekend. Thank you and I love yall, have and great week♡