Right Now (Camila/you)

October 27 2017

8 years ago I woke up to my mom on my bed. I knew something was wrong because of her red face and the hundreds of tears spilling down her face.

"Daddy's gone to heaven." She says. I'm pretty sure my heart broken that day.

I don't remember not crying that day. I remember for a moment when my mom was hold 8 year old me, 11 days before my birthday, and rocked me back and forth on her lap on our couch.

It was quiet. Deadly quiet. I wanted to go to school because I wanted to tell everyone what had happened. But of course everyone knew when three days later I went to tell my whole class only to learn that some fucking brat on my bus overheard my mom tell the bus driver and decided to tell the whole class. I'm still a little angry about that because thay wad so private to us and he just told everyone.

Grade 4 was okay. I remember crying in class and my best friend at the time went outside with me and walked around and listened to me talk, even though she had no clue what to say. I needed that.

There was another girl that saw me crying and chose to push me on what was wrong. I missed me dad, and she wouldn't stop harassing me. I was in full blown tears when my best friend ran up to me with the other girl standing idly by.

The principal at the time had learnt about my dad's love for hockey and invited me to come with him and a few other students to a hockey game. He was declared my favourite principal that day because he chose to do that for me, because losing a dad is something no one should go through.

Yesterday, was the reason I wrote this book. My life has been affected by his passing in so many ways, along with the other deaths that'd followed the years after. Not having a dad if hard.

It's really fucking hard. Not having someone to walk you down the Isle, be proud of when I got honour roll, be there for my grade 8 graduation and doing the father daughter dance with me. Not seeing me graduate grade 12 or get married and meet his grandkids and create more memories with him or do the he same things with him.

Guys it kind of destroyed me. I couldn't write this yesterday because I visited his grave and did some other stuff. I can't stress this enough when I say APPRECIATE YOUR DAD'S.

I miss every little thing about him. Because I was so young my memories with him are in bits and pieces, I can no long picture or remember his laugh or his voice. I remember his big big smile, I remember always watching hockey and baseball and monster jam with him.

Please, for me, go tell your dad you love them. Because tomorrow it could be the last time you say it. I'm not writing this for your pity. It's to make you understand.

I wrote this book to cope, using one of the reason why I am still here today (Karla Camila Cabello) to try and get people to understand how cancer is and what it does to peoples lives.

I love you guys, I thank you from the bottom of my heart with how much love and support this book has gotten, it means so much to me.

This date meant nothing to me for a short while, now it had a huge impact on me. Appreciate the people around you because one day you might not get to see them ever again❤

-Jacklyn