My dear loser: InSun's Playlist

Track 5: Stop crying

My heart beat so fast. All of the dried tears that I got last night suddenly turned into a smile that only I can see. Deep inside though, my mind wonders what In wanted to say. Was yesterday just a dream? Did it happen? I know it's kinda crazy, but I literally checked Peach's facebook update.

I was a bit sad when I saw that she really tagged me with Oh and Ainam in her status, "Almost a Movie date" was the caption.

I read the comments and there it was, Ainam referring to Copper's gang about the trouble that they did.

Okay. So it really  happened. In seemed like a bully again, but what does he mean when he told me not to cry? Is he giving me false hope? Or is he giving me something to hang on to? I ended up in replying to In's message.

To: In
Message: I'm sorry I cried, but you can't blame me! You suddenly became a bully again!"
Time: 7:08 am

---

While on my way to school, I prepared the questions that have been bugging my mind last night. Why did In do it? Why did he turn against us? What will happen now? But I expect an explanation from him. I don't know what explanation it is though that will make it valid for me to accept it, but I still expect us to be back to the old us, with Ainam, and Peach and Oh.

---

Our teacher wasn't there yet when I got there, but In's bag was already on his chair. I asked Nam if he saw In but she didn't.

"What? You still want to talk with that stupid In? No, don't!" Nam angrily said.

"But he may have an explanation right? We're his friends. I'm sure he did it for a reason." I defended In.

"Really? Give me a reason that's acceptable that he could do those things to us."

"I don't know yet. Maybe..." I tried to think for something, but I got nothing, "I don't know. I'll wait for In. I know he has a reason."

"Give respect" Jean, our class representative shouted immediately as soon as the teacher entered the room which ended my conversation with Ainam and we gave our respect then sat back.

Along with the teacher was In, his eyes were red and I don't know why. It made Oh turn to me as well as Nam who mouthed "what happened?" to me. Everyone was looking at In until he sat to his chair beside me.

It's my first time seeing In this sad. I admit that I was angry at him yesterday, but now, I pity him. I want to hug him, but I don't know what would it result to.

Nam, who was on the back seat poked me with her pen and asked again what happened to In, but I didn't really have an answer for her. I noticed too that everyone's still looking at In. It made me conscious, so I gave them a warning look which made them look to the teacher.

The teacher seemed to not notice what's happening to In and why we're all curious about it. Once again, I turned to In. He was looking to the floor, tears still dripping from his eyes. It hurts me seeing him like this.

I plucked my blue handkerchief out of my bag then offered it to him. In's head subtly turned and looked at my hand where my handkerchief was on. It took a minute and, In was still looking at it, undecided whether to accept it or not. In the end, I pushed it to his hands.

It was the first time that our hands touched each other and it gives chills down to my spine. It wasn't excitement. It wasn't romantic. It was a poison that slowly consumed me.

I know In did it. I know he pinched my hand. I felt it. However, after pinching my hands, he immediately pushed it away then left the room, runing. All eyes were on him. Even the teacher whose eyes became like of a tigress's who's about to crush its prey.

Once again, Nam poked me with her pen, but the only answer that she got was the tear that I surrendered to flow.

In is puhing me away.

---

In didn't come back to the classroom after that. I texted him. I called him. I don't what to think anymore. My mind's so confused on what's happening to him.

"Is In okay?" Oh said while we were eating our lunch.

I just shrugged. I don't know what to tell them.

"Hey. It's okay. In will be fine. Okay?" Peach consoled me.

"Yeah. Yesterday, I thought In was back to being a bully again, but something's off right?" it was Nam.

Oh added, "I know! If it were the In that was a bully, he'll say things that would make you angry, but the In yesterday didn't say any words at all. Believe me, that wasn't the way that In is bullying. I know it, I have experienced it many times already."

"So, what do you think it is? He's playing on us? He's just teasing us?" Nam asked again.

"I don't think so" Peach started, "Copper's jokes were real. I know it. Besides, if In's just playing, he couldn't ask Copper to get along with it."

Oh nodded, "Right. What do you think Sun? You've been silent the whole time."

"Huh?" I wasn't ready to be asked yet, "Ahm. I don't know."

"I'm sure you have guesses too." Oh pushed more for me to talk. All three of them were waiting for my answer.

"Honestly, I don't know. It's In. I never understood In's actions, but I understand In's emotions. What I know is that there's something that's breaking him inside. I don't know what it is, but I know that it's hard for him, and I hate that I couldn't help him."

The four of us became silent after what I said. They know it too. They've been with In long enough for them to underatand what I was talking about.

"Copper." abruptly, Peach whispered which caught our attention. She was looking to someone from my back's direction.

Copper was leading his gang again, followed by eyes of the girls who were mesmerized by him, but he doesn't look like in a good mood. I looked for In, but he wasn't with him. I don't know if I should be happy or not that In's not with them.

When he passed our table and noticed that we're all looking at him, he shouted, "What are you looking at?!" that echoed through the whole canteen.

Everyone froze. The only sound was the schools announcement system that plays a thai song.

Copper was really in a bad mood. He continued walking and the students unfroze when he has completely walked out to the corridor.