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We all took our seats and prepared ourselves as I strummed random notes on the guitar to tune it, when the truth is I was just finding a way to not look to In. I'm afraid of whatever reaction he'll give me when our eyes cross.
"So, what are we going to sing?" I asked them.
"Anything." Nam said.
"Wait a moment. I'm looking for something in my phone" In was scrolling through his playlist. "Nam, remember this song?" then he handed Nam his phone.
"Oh. Yes I do! Sun?" Nam handed me In's phone.
"Okay. So let's start?" I looked at Fan and Jey and to the three other boys who were busy playing mobile game.
The guitar felt so heavy as I strummed it. The strings didn't seem like elastic metals but of rigid rod. I hate this feeling. I love playing the guitar alright, but not when my heart's not into it. I don't want to play it now, especially In front of In, most especially with this song.
"Nam?" In said when we were about to reach the chorus. Nam raised her head from looking at In's phone and looked at In. "I can't hear the guitar. Can it play louder?"
All eyes turned to me except In's. They were looking at me but I don't know what look they're giving me is: pity or insult.
I strummed the guitar even harder. I withdrew each note by a heavy hand. I know it doesn't sound good anymore, but I still continued to give what In wanted.
"Nam. Isn't there anyone here who knows how to play a guitar? It doesn't sound good." Once again, In told Nam.
This time, no eyes looked at me. They knew exactly what was happening. They knew that In doesn't like to hear me play.
For the third time, I gave a heavy feeling to the guitar. I strummed it gently, yes; but I plucked it too hard. Everyone once again looked at me when I abruptly changed the song into some random chords to pull out the frustration and anger from inside me.
I only stopped when one of the strings snaps. Its sound reverberated to the whole room.
"I think we had enough practice already. See you tomorrow." Then In walked out of the room followed by Saunk and Tae, Lot sat for a moment first, undecided on what to do, then surrendered to following In.
I collected the string that snapped. I looked at it and just let my emotions break once again. My tears flowed for the second time today and only for a single person. Nam waved others to go out too, which they did. The girl who likes me hugged me, and told me that it's going to be okay.
Nam and I packed our things after.
"Let's go home?" Nam asked.
"Ah, you go first I'll just change the string and practice for more. I don't wanna get humiliated tomorrow Nam." I smiled at her.
"Then let me practice with you!" Nam exclaimed.
"No." I pursed my lips, not knowing how to tell her that I want to be alone. "I want to..."
"Oh." She sighed, "I'll be going then." She went closer and held her hands on my shoulders,"Don't think of In anymore okay? Bye bye!"
I waved her goodbye too.
I cleaned the room first then looked for the guitar strings in the shelf. I went to where In was sitting and sat.
Sigh.
Cough.
Sigh.
I tried to play the guitar once again. Now freeing my mind of the thoughts that has been keeping my mind occupied.
Kong wung soong gern bpai ja hai tur hai kwahm sumkun
I started to sing the first line that In's supposed to sing. He sang it for Ainam in the beach last year while I played the guitar for him. It feels like ages ago. I wanna relive the moments when we were still okay. I wanna go back to the past.
I sang the song for two more times until I finally satisfied myself. It's enough.
I collected my things in the room and walked towards the door when the door suddenly opened.
"What are you doing here?!" I shouted, surprised by his appearance.
"I..." He stammered, "I forgot my bag." Then he walked to where he sat. He acted to look for his bag which we both know was with him when he left, until he surrendered, "Oh. It's not here. Bye!" Then he ran out of the room already.
"Huh? Why's Lot acting weird?"
---
"You're late again, and you didn't message me. I waited here long enough to take a nap! You always do this. Be grateful that I haven't told your mother about this yet!" the usual lines greeted me as soon as I entered my aunt's house.
I went directly to the kitchen where my meal was covered and opened it. Just like the old days, but now, I don't have an In to run to when I want to escape from this house.
I ate my dinner and took my shower after then laid on my bed. It was such a tiring day. I cried twice, I was hurt more.
I opened my facebook and Ainam's chat popped into my screen. It was a group chat of me, Oh, Peach, Ainam and In.
Ainam: guys! I know now why Copper's in a bad mood this lunch. Oh: Why? Peach: What happened? Sun: ? Ainam: It's about his uncle. Sun: the head? Ainam: Yes and No. Oh: Huh?! Ainam: I asked Mr. Daecha before I went home about the HQB club and when I was about to leave, I heard some of the teachers gossiping about the head. Oh: and? Ainam: You won't believe it. Oh: Come on Nam! Just spill it! Ainam: The head has been removed by the committee! According to the teachers, someone reported him for accepting money from parents of the students in exchange for their children's grades. Peach: but ain't the grades done by teachers and not the head? Ainam: Yes. This is how it happens: the parents pay the head and the head talks to the teacher. There were evidences. Sun: Then there will be no event tomorrow already? Ainam: unluckily No. The new head wanted that event, not the former head. Sun: Oh. Oh: I see. Peach: Copper won't bully anyone anymore. Oh: I doubt it.
