My dear loser: InSun's Playlist

Track 15: Sorry

All of us went back to the field after an hour just like what Miss Kraimin said. The sun was still there but no one felt the heat anymore for Miss Kraimin was already off to her next class. We can take a break now. Nam's still in the clinic taking rest just like what the nurse suggested.

"Need a hand?" Lot asked when I was picking a candy wrapper when he approached me. I searched for In and there he was with Saunk on the other side of the field, so I let Lot be the carrier of the trash bin while I pick the garbage in the area.

"Have you seen Copper hurt a girl before?" Lot asked out of nowhere.

I just looked at him while still picking more trashes.

"Copper couldn't take seeing a girl cry." Lot started, his eyes were on the garbages in the trash bin that he was holding,"do you know that?"

I went back to picking candy wrappers and contradicted what he just said,"I don't think so. He's bullied Nam before."

"Yeah. I was there every time he said harsh things to Nam, but have you seen him hurt Nam physically? Or decline the girls who like him when they ask for a photo or autograph? Or when they give him flowers or chocolates?"

I thought for a moment then let Lot continue what he's going to open.

"Copper's weakness is girls. He has bullied a number of guys before but never with girls. You know Jey right?"

I nodded as a confirmation.

"Copper's dad had three wives and Copper has two brothers. The one is Jey and the other one is of the same age as Copper. He hasn't met this other brother of him yet. At first, he didn't know about his dad's other family, but when he found out about it, he experienced a total breakdown emotionally. He saw his mother crying for months that she almost cut her own life.  It even became worse when his father was caught with another woman again, who is the biological mother of Jey. That was when he became a bully. He hates his father for being so weak that he was tempted to have sex with other girls. He hates weak guys, and he hates seeing girls cry. When Peach broke up with him, he has suffered a lot. He loved Peach so much."

I just stood there and hear every word by Lot. I didn't know about Copper's story.

"Hey. Don't tell this to Copper okay? I don't wanna get into trouble."

"Why was he gripping Jey's collar yesterday?" I asked curiously remembering In's words.

"Well, it was really Jey's fault. Jey's a spoiled one. He was telling things to Copper that made Copper burst into anger. He said things about Copper's mother and Copper's temper broke out."

"He's like Copper."

"Copper's experienced traumas, Jey has not."

"Of course you would defend your master."

"He's not my master."

"You follow everything Copper says."

Lot became silent for a minute, "I just hoped that you'd understand Copper like we do."

"That's not even an acceptable reason for him to hurt others. Okay, he respects girls, but how about the guys that suffered in his hands? Just accept it Lot, you're all bullies. Why are you even telling this to me in the first place?"

"Because you are Sun."

"Huh?" 

"In has talked so much about you: about how understanding you are. He said that you know how to weigh things and that you're not a person who talks back without thinking; but I guess In didn't know this side of you. He has only known your good sides."

What Lot said made me stood from the ground. I wiped my hands and walked nearer to him. "Yeah. Your friend In doesn't know me. Your friend In doesn't know how I act, or how I talk. He knows nothing about me. He doesn't even care on what I am feeling right now!"

Lot kept his stare on me for a moment then excused himself,"I'll throw this now." He raised the trash bin and left.

Our punishment has finally ended. The first week of the period was full of happenings that I wish hadn't happened. 

---

"Sun, are you free?" Nam texted me the following morning. It was Saturday, so it's our free day.

"Yeah. Why?" I replied.

"I wanna go to the mall. Can you go with me?"

"But you need to rest Nam."

"I need to buy meds." she said.

"Okay Okay. See you after two hours."

"Where are you?" I texted Nam when I got in the mall. The mall was full of people who looked happy with their family and partners while I sat there and giving them the opposite feeling.

I searched for a place to wait for Nam until my feet brought me to a cafe. I texted Nam the cafe's name and waited for her to arrive, but no Nam appeared.

"I'm sorry Sun." she messaged me after fifteen minutes.

"What? Why?"

I didn't have to wait for Nam's reply for I was already answered by a voice behind me.

It's Nam's style: telling you to accompany her when in truth, there's just someone that she's helping with.

"Sun?" he said. He was wearing a white shirt and trousers.

"Why are you here?" I asked, even though I already know that Nam sent him here.

He took the seat in front of me and looked me in the eyes. "I'm sorry." he started.

The trace of sadness was evident in his eyes. He couldn't even look at me after telling those words. His eyes were steadied on the table that separates us.

"I'm sorry Sun." He said again,"I shouldn't have made you think that I was avoiding you. I wish I could go back and change my actions. I'm sorry if it seemed that I avoided you." His eyes were already teary and I couldn't take seeing him like this, "I'm sorry  Sun. I'm sorry."

I shook my head, "I'm not mad at you. Just tell me what the problem is."

"I know I shouldn't have acted that way."

I nodded.

"Can you forgive me?"

"I said I'm not mad at you." I took a sip of my milk shake and offered him some but he declined.

"Can you give me a chance?"

"Huh?"

"I wanna prove myself to you."

I didn't know what to answer. "Can you tell it again?" I asked him.

"I know I haven't told this to you yet, and I don't know if you're gonna let me, but please give me a chance Sun. Please let me show you how much I...like...you."

"But..." I started.

"You don't have to answer now. I know I did something that made you mad at me, but please think about it."

I nodded at him, still confused about his words.

"What do you wanna eat?" He said finally, cutting the awkward silence between us.

"Anything you want P'" I answered P'Ken.