My dear loser: InSun's Playlist

Sidetrack 13: Love of my life

My initial plan was to go back to P'Pot's apartment. I think it's about time to settle things with him and tell him about P'Sky who was the one responsible for P'Ken's death. It was hard for me to swallow my pride, but I did.

I knocked on the door, but no one answered. With my spare key, I unlocked the door, entered the room where I saw a complete mess. Rotten food, broken plates, everything was in a crazy state.

"Oh, Sun! You're back!" P'Pot greeted me, laughing, "aaah! Don't do that Ken!" He shouted and laughed, revealing himself totally naked. "Sorry, Ken and I was, you know, doing adult stuff" He winked at me after covering his lower body with a pillow.

"Ken! Sun is here!" He called to the room. I heard noises coming from the room followed by a voice saying, "Wait. Just a minute!"

I was shocked for a moment hearing the voice. "P'Ken?" said by the surprised me. Seconds after, blood rushed through my veins as my anger rose up.

"What are you doing here?!" I shouted. I sighed, calming myself but hands were slowly forming into fists. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE TEY?!" I looked to P'Pot, "Seriously? You're still doing it with him? You're so disgusting!" I shouted.

"Huh?" P'Pot looked shocked, "What are you saying Sun? And don't shout at Ken!" P'Pot answered. "Ken, Sun is angry at me. Keeeeen" He rushed to Tey's back, crying.

What is happening? I thought. What is happening to P'Pot? Doesn't he know that it was Tey and not P'Ken? "What did you do to him?"

I ran towards them and grabbed Tey's arm, pulling him out of the apartment over P'Pot's shouts, "Don't take Ken away from meeeee! Noooooo"

"What did you do to him? Huh? Tey?!" I pushed him to the wall but he just looked to the floor.

"I, I am sorry Sun." He started, "I went here the other day. I wanted to apologize to P'Pot, but, but, he just hugged me right away, thinking that I was P'Ken, and, and I couldn't make myself tell him that I was Tey"

His words rang on my ear, "Get out" I said calmly, "GET OUT!" I shouted, "get out of this building! Get out of our life forever!"

Tey then ran away, rushing.

I went back inside, only surprised by P'Pot's actions, "Ken? Ken?" He went towards me and hugged me, "Ken? Are you okay? Where have you been? I missed you Ken" P'Pot told me, but I released him from his hugs.

"P'" I started, "I'm not P'Ken P'."

"Huh? What are you talking about?" P'Pot's lips were shaking, "You are Ken! You are!"

"P'Pot?" I tried to wake him up, "I'm Sun P'."

"Huh? Sun?" P'Pot started to cry like a child, "Sun? Where is Ken? Do you know where he is?"

"P'" I tried to speak but I can't continue.

"I've been...I've been waiting for Ken to come home. Do you... Do you know where he is? Huh Sun?"

"No P', I don't know"

"Why Sun?" P'Pot went to the kitchen and grabbed one of the spoiled foods, "Look! I even cooked him dinner! I'm waiting for him to come home Sun."

P'Pot went to the sofa and sat. "I should turn on the TV! Ken wants to watch movies while eating!" P'Ken was laughing, yet his eyes were full of tears. "Oh, wait! Is our room clean?"

"Huh?" I wondered.

"P'Ken always gets mad when I left even one trash in our room Sun! Help me!" He ran towards their room.

I slowly paced towards inside and saw P'Pot rubbing the bed, "Do you think it's clean now?" He asked me.

"P'" I tried to call him.

"Should this be here or there?" P'Pot asked me about where he should put the pillow.

"P'Pot" I called again.

"Oh! The laundry! I forgot about that!" P'Pot walked towards the window to where their laundry was, but I snapped him out.

"P'!" to which he stopped walking. "Stop!"

"W-Why? Ken will be mad" P'Pot looked shocked, tears still flowing.

"P'Ken won't get mad at you P. He won't be mad at you anymore," I walked towards him and guided him towards the bed to where we sat, "P', P'Ken's not coming tonight P'." I bravely said.

"Huh? Why? Where is he? When will he be back?" He asked back. I don't know if P'Pot didn't know, or he was just denying it. He was crying. Maybe his mind and body knew the truth, but his heart was just trying to deny the painful reality.

"P', P'Ken's not coming home anymore P'" I was starting to cry as well, "P'Pot..."

"Why? Where's my Ken, Sun? Did he leave me? Did he find another man? Huh Sun? No, he can't leave me. We still have so many plans. We... we are going to graduate together... We...We are gonna travel around the world. He said, he said that I'm his last, that he won't love anyone again. He.. He promised that we're not gonna break apart Sun! Ken, where is Ken, Sun? Where is he?"

"P'Pot. You were the last boyfriend of P'Ken"

"Where is he? Please tell me." P'Pot started to beg, "Please?"

"P'" I readied myself, "P'Ken is... dead."

The look in P'Ken's eyes were blank, "What? No.. No... How can he be dead? We were just kissing each other..." P"pot grabbed his head, "Aarrhhhhhhhh!" He grimaced in pain, "No! No! He's not dead! Sun? No" but P'Pot finally woke up from his delusions, "Keeeeeen" he cried, and cried, and cried for the rest of the night.

"Ken?" P'Pot called, "I'm sorry Ken." He cried, "I'm sorry my only Ken"

I brought P'Pot to the doctor the following morning along with P'Clay, P'Pot's cousin. She said that she'll take care of P'Pot and that she'll bring P'Pot home for the meantime. She also said that I can stay at the apartment. It will take time before P'Pot completely gets healed.

Walking back to the apartment, I found myself staring at the bottomless pond along the way, and I couldn't help but overthink about what just happened to my life: about P'Pot, about P'Ken. Maybe P'Pot felt guilty that he continuously blamed himself for P'Ken's death. I was guilty too, that I left him alone. I never thought of how much pain he was into. He just made a mistake once, but that caused a very big lost in his part - the love of his life.