My dear loser: InSun's Playlist

Track 6: Let go

"What's the matter with him?" Nam asked as we were about to finish our lunch.

"He's always like that." Oh sneered, referring to Copper.

"Yeah, but his anger's like ten-fold higher than before."

"Nam's right. It's not the usual Copper." Peach said.

"Maybe he's just jealous of us?" Oh smiled to Peach.

"Oh! Can you be serious?" Peach pouted. I hate these two. No. Just kidding.

"Well, I'm serious with you." Using his hand, Oh fed Peach a spoon of his food which Peach declined to eat. She pushed Oh away.

"Hoooy. Can you be sensitive to us singles? Right Sun?"

I just smiled to Nam.

"Hey. You've been silent since yesterday. Are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah. Just sleepy." I said.

"Don't think about In too much okay? I'm still here if he dumps you." Nam teased.

"Wait. You like Sun Nam?" Peach looked surprised.

"Ha? You didn't know Peach? Nam looooooved Sun. Sun loved In. In loved Ainam." Oh confidently shouted.

"Huh?" Peach was still surprised.

All of us just laughed about what Oh said. I just realized it now too. How complicated our lives have been. If only I were straight, then I could have loved Ainam instead of In. Then I wouldn't have any pains feeling right now because of In.

"Let's go. The break's almost over." Ainam told.

Oh walked Peach back to her room while Nam and I walked back to ours together.

"What do you think about Copper, Sun?" Ainam asked again while we're on the way back to our classroom.

"I don't know. He acts natural to me."

"Didn't you notice his knuckles? They were red, almost wounded."

It stopped me on my track. I didn't see it. Nam now got my respect for being in the HQB club.

"Are you sure?" I asked her.

"Yeah."

"That makes me curious too. Maybe he bullied someone again?"

"Who could make him angrier than Oh?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe he fought with In?" Nam worriedly said.

I thought for a moment. Nam's right. Only In could make Copper angry like that beside Oh. Maybe they fought? In was crying this morning. He left the room, and maybe he fought with Copper and told Copper that he doesn't want to be a bully again. Copper laughed at him, and then punched In and they fought. In wasn't with them, therefore, In's somewhere else.

I'm overthinking, I know, but it makes me happy thinking that In fought with Copper for it.

The classroom's only a corridor-away only when from the last corner, a familiar figure took its turn. He noticed us, he tried to walk back to where he just came from, but Nam was faster than him.

"Hey In!" Ainam shouted and ran towards him which made him stop walking and turned to face Nam.

"Hi Nam." In smiled. A forced smile that seemed like full of pain.

"Hi Nam? That's the only thing you could say after what you did yesterday?!" Nam angrily said.

"I'm sorry." Nam's eyes widened when In said it. My heart jumped when I heard it. I couldn't help but smile. In's back to himself. What I was thinking that have happened may be true. In's not a bully anymore.

"Well," Ainam started, "you should go and talk with Sun. He misses you. I'll go first." Ainam then took her leave.

In just stood there for a minute, then walked towards my direction. He wasn't looking at me at all, he just stares down like he always does since yesterday. I know I prepared some questions that I need to ask In when I was on my way here this morning, but all those questions slipped out of my brain already as In walked towards me. I don't wanna ask him those questions now, as long as he's back to himself, then that's fine with me.

He's only three steps from me when I smiled. I couldn't help it. You couldn't blame me. I felt like I haven't seen him for so long. I can't keep the happiness inside me.

Two steps.

One step.

My heart beats so fast now.

One step. Again.

Two steps. Again.

Three steps, away from me again. He just passed me. The smile that I had slipped out of my lips. The eyes that were then excited, now widened when he passed me. What just happened? I thought he's back already. Why did he just pass me?
I turned and quickly grabbed his hand.

"Sh*t In! What's your problem?!" I shouted at him who was still not facing me.

In tried to pull out his hand from my grip, but I tightened it.

"Let go of my hand." In calmly said.

"What's your problem huh? I thought you're back to yourself already!"

"Right. I'm back to myself already. I realize things now." He paused for a moment then faced me directly into my eyes. His expression? It was scary.

"Now let go of my hand or you'll regret meeting me."

Once again, In tried to pull out his hand. I tried to resist, but my body was weakened by what In said.

In walked out to the Canteen while I was left there, rooted. My feet were so weak to walk and my body felt like ice. It was painful to move. The tears that I despised last night were coming out again. I wiped them already but it just won't stop from flowing. I couldn't do anything but to lean on the wall and shut my eyes as I cover my tears by my right hand. I hate it. I hate In.