Shattering Me

20~ Mesmerized

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Brace yourself. From this chapter on, the story becomes much more raw and tentative. While the story has been planned out, the way that I wrote it out was more influenced by emotions and the scenes are experimental. 

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Kyle only had one condition for accepting my request and it seemed reasonable to me at the time, but now I wasn't entirely sure.

He said he would do it if I agreed to help him practice, but I had no idea what he expected me to contribute. On most days, it was just me sitting on the bench silently watching him dance.

He told me to watch carefully and point out any mistakes in his form or things like that, but I couldn't. As closely as I watched him, I couldn't find anything to comment on. He never made any mistakes to criticize.

As the songs begun, his eyes closed. As it played, his hands swayed. As it took on meaning, his entire body sprung to life. He breezed across the dance floor as if there was another person beside him to hold onto.

The black skin-tight leotard left most of his arms and legs exposed. His hair had been redone to fit the role of a royal prince. As the chorus reached its peak, I could just imagine the ghost of someone twirling in his arms. A place that would be filled in by Mindy Carmichael. I couldn't see the point in being here.

Then the song hit its final verse and he rose up from a dive. He took two fast and strong steps without looking where he was going and began to spin, and spin, and spin. In a move that I believe should have been illegal for how many hearts would stop at the sight of it. He was perfect...as a dancer.

Yet, as soon as his eyes opened and I saw the far-away look, I knew that he wasn't happy. Not happy with the dance, or with himself. His chest puffed from exertion and he crashed on the bench beside me. "I just can't get it right. I never get it right," he puffed, burying his face in his hands.

"Kyle..." I was at a loss for words, which is something I don't usually find myself dealing with. I can usually say all that I need to with just a few short lines. I'm efficient like that.

This time, however, it was obvious that I needed to say something to cheer him up. Obvious, but impossible. A few minutes passed and I decided to say what I really thought.

"You're being an idiot," I said a bit rougher than necessary.

"Stop growling at me! What did I do?" he exclaimed in surprise.

"How are you telling someone else that you didn't do it right when your eyes were closed the entire time? I was watching you, and you look flawless enough to me. So, what's really the problem here?" it didn't make sense for him to beat himself up every time he danced. He was cocky and arrogant in every other time of day, so it was stupid for him to change so randomly.

Kyle stayed quiet for so long that I thought he wouldn't answer, but then he broke the silence. "It was just how I learned...growing up I mean. I told you that my mom was the one who coached me when I was little, right? How my parents actually wanted a little girl but got me instead."

"Yeah," I confirmed. He had told me the story when we first met actually. But it had sounded like a happy memory before. Now it sounded like he was ready to cry.

"Well when my mom figured out that I wasn't the most...manly of little boys, she put me in ballet. Before my sister was born, she would drill me for hours and hours every single day. She would call out every misstep and punish me for the worst ones.

"To be honest, the worst part is that I actually liked dancing at first. Ballet was fun even though I wasn't popular in school right away. But after a few years and my sister coming along, I got sick of it. I got sick of the rules and the punishments. I got into the Kamehameha school because of that training, but I didn't even like it there. It was all about posture and precision and pointless techniques that I didn't give a shit about.

"I was so pissed off that I started rebelling and causing stupid problems for mom and dad. I was such a brat...but now I'm here and...they're not. All of these practice rooms are covered in mirrors so that I can see that I'm all alone now. So how am I supposed to keep my eyes open?" he'd started crying silently while he told the story.

My chest felt like it was being compressed by a giant air bag. Maybe someone else could have offered comfort in a better way than I could. Maybe I'm no good at being gentle and supportive with other guys. Maybe it was wrong, but I did what I felt like doing.

I shoved him off the bench.

"What the hell, Ryan?" he shouted from the floor as I got up and headed to the radio.

"What?"

"You freaking knocked me over, Jerk!" I smirked when I saw him furiously wipe off his tears. I reached a hand out to yank him up to his feet.

"Well you said that you were all alone, so I got irritated. You have me, don't you?" I stared him down and his cheeks went up in flames.

"I... yeah, I guess so," he grinned sheepishly, casting his eyes across the floor.

"Alright then, try dancing to this one," I laughed as the music started to play.

I started moving toward the bench wall but he surprised me. he pushed me back and I lost my balance. I landed hard, but couldn't help but keep laughing when he jumped in triumph.

"Just sit back and watch me then," he grinned. I obeyed, pulling my legs in and scooting back for a better view.

The song that started playing next was perfect. It was more upbeat and rhythmic, starting off slow and picking up volume with the progression. Of course, Kyle followed every beat perfectly. Freestyling his own wide-eyed routine.

I couldn't tear my eyes away. Seeing him move with his heart in it was something entirely different. He laughed and smiled. He grinned and glided across the floor with so much passion. As the pace picked up speed, so did my mind, sharpening to follow every movement. Before I knew it, I was feeling the same kind of excitement while watching him as I did whenever I was fighting or sculpting.

I enjoyed watching him glide with a smile so much that my heart actually skipped a beat when he pirouetted. His body just had me hypnotized and the music had infected me enough to manipulate my emotions. Control is what I did best, but just then I didn't feel in control of myself for once.

When the music came to a final dramatic end, he threw his arms up wide and posed with no shame anywhere to be seen. Then his shoulders dropped and he looked at me with the most pleasant grin of pure exhaustion that I'd ever seen. He walked forward and literally collapsed, sprawling himself over my lap with the back of his head on my chest.

He laughed and said, "I'm just going to take a quick nap." His eyes closed shut and I was left staring down at him, utterly dumbfounded. A few moments passed and my brain settled back into control.

I looked down at the guy in my lap and questioned my sanity for the first time in years. I mean, what just happened?

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Two author's notes? *gasp* What is Mike thinking? 

lol, I really want to know what your thoughts on this chapter were. Did it surprise you, unsettle you, amaze you or something else? Leave a comment and let me know, since i'll definitely be revisiting this one :3

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