Friends with Benefits

Chapter Sixty-Two

Things I own: my sanity (though, that's debatable at times), not enough time to write and incredible friends and family!!

Things I don't: Twilight, Edward and Bella (Damn. It.)

Chapter Sixty-Two

BPOV

Edward and I spent the rest of the evening recreating his fantasy in the kitchen. He took full advantage of being able to kiss my mouth, but I felt torn. I loved his mouth on mine, but I felt like I was just using him. We were enjoying ourselves, immensely. Based on his sweet kisses, I could tell that he wanted more than our arrangement. And I wasn't ready to give him more.

But did I want to in the future?

It was well after midnight and Edward was holding me in his bed. His head was pressed to my breasts as he had one arm draped around my middle. On his face, he had this look of utter contentment, a small smile and a very swollen lips. I knew that our time in the kitchen and making out at the door caused him to be so happy. I felt like a bitch at what I was planning to do when he woke up. I needed to reiterate our rules. I could just imagine his green eyes fading in disappointment.

Sighing, I slipped out from his embrace and padded downstairs to get some water. I didn't want to hurt my best friend. This whole arrangement was beneficial for our mutual sexual satisfaction, but very, very confusing.

Was I using Edward?

In the six weeks that we'd been friends with benefits, I'd experienced more orgasms with him than with all of my sexual partners combined. Edward was an attentive lover, always wanting to ensure that I got my 'o.' I was also willing to go the extra mile for him, too. I loved giving Edward blow jobs. In general, Edward was very put together and unruffled. When my mouth was around his cock, he shattered and shuddered excitedly. Plus, the fact that he was so meticulously groomed made it even more enjoyable to give him head. Getting an extra flossing while sucking off your lover is not desirable in the least.

Wrapping my body in Edward's button-down, I looked out the window, watching the snow fall. I was confused. I didn't want to lose my friend. I was not ready for a relationship. But, it's not like the guys who were interested in me were winners anyway. Edward was, by far, the most successful and handsome of everyone that I'd even considered dating. But would he even consider dating me? Is our arrangement painting me as a complete skank?

"Hey," Edward called, walking behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "You weren't in bed. Everything okay?"

"Jet lag," I whispered.

"Bells," he chided, pulling my hair over my shoulder and kissing my neck. "It's not jet lag. Talk to me."

"You're going to hate me," I muttered.

"Doubtful," he chuckled, guiding me to the couch and pulling me into his lap. He was wearing just a pair of boxer briefs and his glasses. "What's wrong?"

"We crossed a line tonight," I muttered, toying with the sleeve of the shirt. "Thank you for reminding me what a great kiss is supposed to feel like, but we can't do that again."

He sighed, closing his eyes behind his glasses. "I was afraid you'd say that."

"I told you'd hate me," I said, going to get up. Edward's strong arms wrapped around my waist and he held me on his lap. I squirmed but stayed with him. "Do you hate me?"

"No, Bells. I understand why we need to not kiss, but it doesn't mean that I like it. We're both going into this arrangement with our eyes open," he said.

"I just feel like I'm hurting you, using you. I'm not, am I?" I asked, looking at him.

"If I felt that way, I would have stopped this. If I do feel that way, I'll be sure to tell you and then we may have reassess this arrangement. I just feel like we've opened Pandora's Box with this and there's no turning back. What happens if I start dating someone? Will you resent me? Or vice versa?" he said.

The mere thought of Edward dating someone made my skin erupt in a cold sweat. He can't date anyone. What about us? Slamming my eyes shut, I clenched my hands into rigid fists and tried to calm down. "Bells?" he asked worriedly.

"Sorry," I muttered, looking at him. "Just having a slightly panicky moment." He furrowed his brow. "I'm fine, though. I just..." I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed heavily. "I don't want you to think that I'm using you. I'm not. Edward, you're my best friend and I love you and I don't want this thing to hurt our friendship."

"Me neither, Bells. Let's take some time and reevaluate how we feel. If you still want to continue our friends with benefitsarrangement in a week, I'm okay with that. If we want to stop and go back to what we had before, I'm fine with that, too," he said in a business-like tone. "Now, come on. Let's go back to bed. It's cold."

"Are you sure you're not mad?" I asked quietly, getting up from his lap.

"I'm not mad, Bells. We just need to figure out how to navigate this without hurting each other," he said, hugging me to his side. We went up to his room and he wrapped his body around mine. Within moments, he was asleep but I couldn't get my mind to shut off.

I kept seeing Edward laughing with some faceless beauty in my imagination.

And it hurt.

A/N: Bella's having second thoughts...does she finally see her feelings or is she still in denial? Leave me some!