Bellarke One-Shots

Let Go And Fall in Love

Author's note, this is a random one-shot started in like the middle of an argument, because sometimes you just gotta dive right into the middle I guess. You can create what ever beginning you'd like in your head but I don't really have one so just enjoy what is written.

Clarke's POV

"What if I can't love? What if after everything I've done, I've lost my soul? I've lost who I am and I've lost the person in me who was capable of loving and receiving love? I'm sorry that I'm not who you thought, who you hoped, I could be but maybe after everything I've done, after every life I've taken with my bare hands, karma doesn't think I deserve love, and maybe I think it's right." I said.

I was trembling by now, for every thought, feeling, and everything else I hadn't even the courage to think in my head, I was saying out loud. Every truth held back was flowing out of me and it scared me, what I truly thought in the back of my mind.

Bellamy was quiet for a long time. I thought maybe he was trying to think up something inspirational to say, so imagine my shock when he said, "Bullshit, Clarke. You have the biggest capacity for love I have ever seen. Everything you did was out of the love of your people and you caring enough to sacrifice everything that you are because you thought it was the right thing for them. For your people. I think what is really going on is you don't feel after, everything you've done, that you deserve to be in love or to be loved. And that, Clarke Griffin, is the most selfish thing I have ever seen you do." When he finished yelling, his face softened because my first tear in a really long time trickled slowly down my cheek.

I left it, I let it slowly and awkwardly roll until it fell off of my chin and onto the cold floor. I was being honest and I was being vulnerable. It was horrible, but for some reason it felt right with Bellamy. It felt okay to be exposed in a way I had never let myself be with anyone else.

"Maybe your right." I said quietly. My voice barely hoarse whisper. "Maybe I am being selfish. But I just can't let myself fall in love on earth again. Because we are all ticking time bombs. We are all going to die and it seems like whoever I fall in love with dies before everyone else. And I just can't bear to watch another person I love die. I'm sorry." I looked down at my trembling fingers.

My vision was now blurring by the mass of tears building up in the dam that are my eyes. I wasn't ready to let fully go yet. Maybe I never would be and maybe that's why I'll never fall in love, because I don't fall. I hold myself back and I make clear and decisive movements.

Until now. Because in this moment, when I looked up and saw Bellamy had a few tears pooling in his eyes because of my words I couldn't handle holding back anymore. So I did something I had never done before. I fell. I fell right into his arms and I kissed him. I kissed him with every bit of feeling and emotion I had ever held back. I let myself go and I fell.