Bal: it starts with me & you

Here & Now

*When Ben came back Jay was still there, Ben didn't even ask, Mal watched quietly as they completely silently did their little handshake thing like they were big men while Mal silently thought to herself they were absolutely still small children in reality, the though made her smile, something Ben soon picked up on, as Jay left he went over and immediately gave her a hug*
Ben: what's that little smirk about?
Mal: nothing
Ben: come on, I'm curious
Mal: better idea! Why don't you go do the nappy changing while I get the bottles ready, they we can sit and talk
Ben: that sounds nice, I mean, the nappies don't, the really don't, but everything else does
Mal: well, we're gonna have to even out the workload and yanno I've done most of the heavy lifting so far soooo
Ben: you absolutely have
Mal: how was it?
Ben: rather quick into the interrogation there babe?
Mal: sorry, I just wanted to know how she was doing
Ben: not much change still
Mal: okay I'm an absolute liar but I'm gonna cut to the chase because Jay for once in his life said some actually sensible things and just this one time and you are not allowed to ever tell him I said this because I will not live this down but I think he was right so
Ben: okay let's try slowing down into actual sentences?
Mal: Ben we need to talk to each other and be honest, we're both messed up as fuck right now, there's no denying, we've been screwed up so much by this, but we have two kids who have no idea what's going on, they can't even see properly yet, let alone comprehend why we're like this, they deserve two parents who are there, emotionally and mentally as much as anything else, we need to talk to each other ben, about EVERYTHING, we ARE vulnerable, we aren't okay, I'm not okay, I know you're not okay, we can admit that, we have to admit that
Ben: I...
Mal: you've spent so long protecting me that you've forgotten how
Ben: I guess?
Mal: I'm here, we have to both get through this, if one of us does because the other was holding them up while they did then whichever one of us that is will just fall apart at the end of this
Ben: I know
Mal: so talk to me
Ben: you're no better
Mal: that is true, but I'm trying now, so come on
Ben: Mal I don't know what you want me to say
Mal: there's the first problem, you're not just supposed to say what you think I want to hear, you've actually gotta say how you feel
Ben: and if I don't know how I feel?
Mal: then that's my line so try again
Ben: you remember that point in our relationship when we actually did that whole telling each other all this stuff?
Mal: stop being so defensive! I'm just trying to get us talking to each other before this all falls down around us okay?! Because it damn well is gonna end up in such a total mess that we won't ever be able to fix it at this rate!
Ben: okay, I know, I'm sorry, I just don't know, it's all so confusing and sudden, I mean it's been one hit after another for I don't even know how long and I've given up trying to figure out how I feel because it can't be particularly good
Mal: after all the shit we've been through together there is no way in hell I am letting this break us
Ben: you're right, absolutely right, I love you, more than anything, more than I could have ever possibly imagined, I love you, I would do anything for you
Mal: then be honest with me
Ben: it hurts, a lot, we had a shit relationship towards the end, I mean for the last few years we'd argued almost every time we'd spoken, he was supposed to be there to guide me, he's still supposed to be here to help me but he's gone and he's not coming back
Mal: I'm so sorry
Ben: what about you?
Mal: she was a crap mother, there's absolutely no denying it, she was a terrible person, I hated her, when I drove that blade into her heart, I honestly hated her, but like, she was still my mother, and I did that, I just feel like I'm crazy for not being more distraught about it?
Ben: it'll come with time, one day it'll just hit you
Mal: I don't like the sound of that
Ben: I'll be here, when it comes I'll be here
Mal: promise me, here and now, we are going to be a team on this and on everything else from this point forwards
Ben: I can't promise that, because it's not fair to make such an absolute promise when I don't know what's going to happen, but I will do my best, I swear to you I will, I absolutely will try with everything I have
Mal: that's enough for me
Ben: I believe we have a family to attend to
Mal: I believe we do

---------------------------------------------

I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I HAD SO MUCH FRENCH TO DO AND THEN THE PAGES GOT RIPPED AND I HAD TO DO IT AGAIN AND IVE BEEN EXHAUSTED AND DESTROYED AND SHOULDVE BEEN ASLEEP AN HOUR AGO BUT FELT BAD SO HERE YA GO! HOPE ITS NOT TOO BAD, IM TOO TIRED TO TELL! MORE SOON, I PROMISE!
EDIT: okay so this was up for a full day and got no votes and five reads? Umm that's not particularly great guys Xoxo