A Message To Society

A Mile a Minute

I like to think things don't bother me. I just laugh at them, or brush them off, but I can't do that forever. It won't work forever. I'll joke about my biggest insecurities, and I have no clue why. I'll joke about not being good at anything, but then I'll be sitting alone and I'll think of it. I'll think of how true it is.
Honestly, I'm never satisfied until I'm the best at something. Growing up, my goal was to be better than my friend at something, because she's always been better than me at everything. I hated it, but I could never find something I'm better at. I mean, jack of all trades, master of none. But better than master of one, right?
How much I'd pay to be great at something. I'd rather be great at one thing than average at everything. I've never liked being average. I've always had to be great, or I'm not satisfied. I mean, my best friend is really smart, both my older sisters are really smart, all my cousins are really smart. They all have something to them that makes them great, or at least that's how it's always been for me. I've always felt a pressure to do something great too. Have something to me that makes me great. But what do I have to offer? Nothing.
In life, I've always had two goals. 1) To be better than my best friend at something. Anything. 2) Impress my oldest sister. But I can't seem to do either. The truth is, my friend's good at everything she does, seemingly effortlessly. It's so frustrating. It'll take me so long to be as good as her at one thing, then she'll get better. Honestly, I love her, but she makes me feel like an idiot and she doesn't even realize. I wish time could just stop to give me time to catch up. Everything's moving a mile a minute and I can't do it anymore. I can't keep up.