A Message To Society

My dad might have fucked me up a bit

I've never liked people yelling at me. I still hold back tears when I'm being yelled at. I'd always cry as a kid when somebody would yell at me, then my dad would always say I have nothing to cry about. My dad would always say I have nothing to cry about unless I'm physically hurt. If I was crying because somebody hurt me emotionally, he would say I had him worried because he thought I was hurt, and to not cry unless I was actually hurt. Maybe that's why I hate crying in front of people now. My dad doesn't say that anymore, but maybe because he always said that when I was younger, it stuck with me that I have nothing to cry about unless I'm physically hurt. If I was just sad, unless something big had happened, I hace no reason to cry. Maybe that's why I'm so emotionally detached and hide my feelings a lot. I hold back tears when other people fight too. I hate yelling. I'd always start crying when my parents fought, or when my dad and oldest sister fought, which was a lot. Looking back, I always was scared with those fights that things would get out of hand and somebody would get physically hurt. I sometimes wonder if I would be a bit less fucked up if my parents had gotten divorced earlier. These things fucked me up. I guess I'll never know.