Remembering You

October 20, 2015 - 5am - 10pm

As always I was running on little sleep and this morning I was in an especially bad mood. Chris and I got into a major fight after I had snapped at him and I ended up storming out and crashing at Avery's. I felt horrible waking her up at one in the morning but I couldn't be around Chris when I was that angry.

I came straight from Avery's to my interview for The Morning Words show. We both looked like zombies from the lack of sleep and we fuelled ourselves up with coffee and a lot of espresso shots. I was currently in hair and makeup preparing for the interview.

Chris had called me multiple times after I had left but I ignored him not in the mood to talk to him. I felt guilty for the fight last night. H e had done nothing wrong but be kind and I was a complete bitch to him.

Paul though was another story. I understood he was just looking out for me but I couldn't help but feel betrayed. I still hadn't told him about the note Brad had gotten and I probably should tell him soon. I shot him a quick text letting him now about it and shut off my phone. I did not need him calling me when I was still pretty pissed at him.

"Were going live in thirty." One of the assistants announced popping her head in the room.

"Almost done darling!" Joey sang out as he sprayed on my setting spray. I honestly have no idea how he was so lively this early in the morning. He has been talking my ear off the entire time hes been doing my makeup.

I still had to get mic'd up and sound checked before going live. I always got nervous for live TV interviews. It's not the same as a radio interview or a prerecorded interview. Being live left you open to making a lot of mistakes and trust me it was not fun when you did make one.

The interview was twenty minutes and after I was done I had to go to set and shoot the scenes I couldn't get right last night. The stress of everything was getting to me and I just needed a break. Saturday could not come any faster.

I still had to apologise to Chris and Paul for lashing out. Also Meo was giving me a headache. And I can't forget about my wonderful stalker. Note the sarcasm.

The entire process of getting mic'd was all a blur I was so used to how it all happened. The interview was the same as every other one I did this week. Same questions, same answers, same fake laughter.

After I was done I changed back into my sweats and t-shirt and headed to set. I rode over with Paul driving and Avery in the passenger seat while I sat in the back with Joey and Donna. Of course there were also my extra security following behind us.

The ride to set was a long one so I decided to turn my phone back on and check my emails. I could feel Paul's eyes on me as we drove to set but I completely ignored him.

When my phone turned on I noticed a couple of new notifications. I froze in my spot as I scrolled through the large amount of text messages. All from unknown numbers and each containing a different type of threat. I clutched the phone tightly in my hand trying to stop myself from shaking. It suddenly felt like the world was closing in on me. My heart was beating erratically in my chest and my vision blurring. I couldn't breathe and I felt extremely dizzy. I could faintly hear Donna next to me asking me what was wrong but I couldn't conjure up any words to say. I don't know how long I felt this way but the feeling gradually started disappearing. When I finally came to I noticed we had parked on the side of the road and everyone was looking at me.

"Is everything alright darling? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Donna asked me with a concerned look on her face.

"Sorry I just got a bit dizzy, must be because I haven't been getting much sleep lately." The lie slipping easily from my mouth. I was getting better at making up lies on the spot and I didn't like it at all.