The Day Love Stories Burned [boyxboy]

The Fear

 “Well, Andrew, I can’t say your results are too surprising considering the amount of time you’ve been off the medication. It concerns me actually.” The doctor turned to face Accel, glasses sliding to the end of his nose. “Have you been noticing anything strange, anything that worries you? His behaviour, the way he speaks? Does he seem unfocused a lot?”

“I’m right here,” I mumbled under my breath, clutching Ace’s hand tighter. If he wasn’t here with me I think I would have started hyperventilating. Nerves clashed around my body, anxiety causing my hands to shake. I didn’t want to be here, but I was doing it for him. Although, I knew I couldn’t let myself live like this any longer, since the ‘incident’ it had only gotten worse and worse, spiralling out of control. Blaming Ace for it was out of the question, it wasn’t his fault and I knew that. Taking the pills had always been a mandatory thing, crucial and I had stopped, not thinking for a second how it would fuck everything up.

Accel squeezed my trembling hand gently, pulling me further into his side. “Yeah,” he spoke quietly. “I thought it was a normal thing. He always seemed to get distracted easily and was silent for long periods of time. I just thought that his personality though, I didn’t know he had a disorder. I kind of guessed. Se- I mean… someone I used to know had the same kind of thing, except worse.”

Disorder… I hated the way it sounded on his tongue. Disorder, disorder, disorder.

You’re just like Seth you know that? Crazy, fucked in the head.

“How long exactly did you say you haven’t been taking the proscription?”

I don’t want Ace to compare me to Seth…

It’s the truth though. He’ll drop you, leave you to rot in a cell just like Seth. Look how he turned out huh? Insane, drug addicted, murderous. That’s going to be you. Because you’re weak.

“Andrew?”

“No, I’m not!” I yelled at the voice. “Just shut up!” Why did it keep saying that?!

Touchy, touchy now. Watch out. Don’t want them to think you’ve completely lost it.

Glancing up I cringed at the doctor’s face. Steel eyes followed my every move, observing, critiquing. Turning my face I leaned into Ace’s shoulder, letting his warmth and smell soothe me. This has to stop. I felt his lips against my forehead, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I hated and loved that he cared so much.

“Shh, Princess, we’re going to help you okay? I’m here.”

Fuck.

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“I’d say it’s been well over a month since he stopped. Although, it shouldn’t have hit him this hard.”

“What exactly do you mean by that?” Accel sounded worried as he responded to the older man’s questions. Granted he’d been freaking out all morning, but this was just genuine concern.

“In a normal patient the subconscious figure usually doesn’t appear quite so strong, it’s a long and slow process if the medication has been working properly. This isn’t what I usually see. Andrew’s ‘merge’ as he calls it, seems to have forced it’s way back. Sometimes a violent or upsetting event can trigger the return. Normally it’s a part of the victim that they’re trying to supress, feelings or memories they want to forget or push away. Has he experienced any such thing recently?”

Accel hesitated, his demeanour seeming to darken around me. “Yes,” he managed to grit out. “But I’d rather not talk about it.” His grip tightened with each word and I just stayed silent, miserably staring at the floor. The bed beneath us was hard and uncomfortable and I shifted to try and relax myself, also to loosen Accel’s grip, which was becoming a bit too tight.