#BedroomConfessions

The 'Meeting you' Poem

For Cath_Red , I'm saving all my words for you. You have my heart.

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The first time we meet, we were just passing by each other. Stranger passing by another stranger. The only difference between us is, I was a stranger dreaming of meeting a stranger like you. Like how I constantly dream of everything else, waking up with a bright blue sky above my head instead of my room's ceiling, my living room suspended on the trunk and branches of a windy tree top, and my heart being filled with love like the chocolate syrup inside my favorite cheat day donut. I dream of a lot of things, and I dreamt of you even before I knew you.

The first time we meet, you told me my hair look funny. I frowned and looked at myself on my phone and I saw you right behind me smiling at something I did not see, but I took a snap of us and showed it to my friends after. They told me it doesn't look candid at all and I know they were only trying to make me feel better after the failed first date.

The first time we meet, we walked the stretch of a high street. Trying to find this pizza place with the map we can't make out of – we got lost. The cool wind was trying to keep up with us, me in my struggled strides and you with your twinkle toes – and it always falls short because I was sweating but you seemed so attuned with the weather anyway. Like you always do. You always knew how to handle yourself in unexpected situations, like an omniscient goddess I am envious of how you see and do things. I sometimes wish you carry us both, because even though I carry myself well, I know being carried by you is so much better. I sometimes want you to wear me like your heart on your sleeve and I would never judge you, for I secretly wear you like my own heart too.

The first time we meet was a Saturday afternoon, there was us first before the crowd followed to witness the public spectacle of two strangers finally meeting each other for the first time. I might have spewed more butterflies than I could count then, to hide how nervous I am to see you in flesh but I know now that butterflies weren't a good cover up. Their beauty gives you away to the abyss of a budding romance, right then and there I knew I would love you more than I've ever loved anybody else before you.

The first time we meet, felt like it wasn't. It felt more like friends meeting for coffee and a quick catch up. It felt more like colleagues up for a collaborative business. Our souls knew each other well even before I smiled and offered you my hand to introduce myself to you. You came to my doorstep like a five-foot promise of lifetime commitment and constancy and I welcomed you whole, without prejudice and caution. You proved me that sometimes, I may not be too careful with whom I trust my heart with, but I know you would take care of it anyway.

The first time we meet, I accidentally slipped and told you that I'm in love with you. You were frantic, I was dreaded that it might be the end of such a beautiful thing. You sent me away that night like some explorer assigned to discover what it means to love and be loved, to find the meaning of loving, and to see if I what I was feeling was true or I was only infatuated with the idea of love. I always told myself that maybe you're right and that you knew better and so I listened to what you have to say. But the more I did, the more I realized we're not different to each other. We're both in love, but I didn't kiss you that night I guess I waited for the sign and it never came. The first time we kissed was in a different time and when I asked you about that night from before you stopped me with a silly laughter and said that I should've kissed you and I told you that I wish I did.

The first time we meet, my stomach was gargling with excitement and anxiety, I've always told you that I was an anxious child and now an anxious adult but you always thought it was cute, my eyes were hazy but they were affixed to you and it felt like I was about to implode and poison myself with how much emotion I was holding back. You were standing there all by yourself, confident with a bottle of beer on one hand and I was there – just there being myself and all. I stood beside you and you greeted me with that smile of yours, I looked at you and saw my whole life laid right in front of me. That was when I told myself, I am damned. You came along so easily I couldn't shake the fact that it was meant to be. That you are meant to happen to me and I was meant to happen to you. That natural.

The first time we meet, we drank the night away under psychedelic pink and orange and green and blue skies and back again. We didn't care much about the way we look but we could care less of the way we felt. We were as invincible as Charlie and Sam in that night-ride-standing-at-the-back-of-a-pick-up-truck scene. We were as attached as a postage stamp on the back of a snail mail. We were as human as we'll ever be right in that moment some indie folk song was playing on the background while we couldn't care less of how much space we're taking up for ourselves. We took up space like we matter, and in that alcohol induced dream we did matter at for least each other.

The first time we meet, was at a night market in some foreign land. We both reached for a newspaper showing the 9/11 attack images and none of us recoiled. Instead of taking the newspaper, you took my hand and smiled at me. You knew it was my birthday when that happened, and you knew that apart from the 7th year birthday party my memory was clouded with the smoke and debris of the lives of others falling apart along with the fall of that two massive buildings. You were welcomed by that emotional side of me, one you couldn't run away from and you never wanted to, I waited. I waited for you to make up your mind and leave but you didn't and I stopped expecting for you to break my heart anymore.

The first time we meet, I was unknowingly dreaming of us. You with your brilliant mind and dazzling smile that captured and continuously melt my heart. I never thought I would care enough for a stranger this much for them to be this important to me and then, you happened. I know that from here, from where we are now, there was a start. We began somewhere else and it lead us here. No matter how messy and reckless and unsure this thing is, I just want you to know that I am glad, that I met you first before anybody else.