Secrets... (Troyler self harm fanfic)

Chapter 4- One problem out of many...

Troye's POV

As we walk into the Playlist hall, I feel sick. I breath shallowly as to not heave myself into an early grave. Me, myself and I all know that if I manage to heave ANYTHING up apart from liquid, something REALLY isn't right...

"Are you ok Troye?" Tyler is looking at me with concern. My palms are shaking and I pretend I'm cold, rubbing them together.

"Troye and Tyler you are side by side on these two stalls!" The co-ordinance assigned me and Ty two tables. I looked at where they are. Right in the middle of the hall.

"Fucking hell.... No pressure then?" I mutter to myself sarcastically. Tyler's brow is forever creasing lower. He has to smile again when tons of screaming fangirls come rushing in. One girl stands at the back, an evil look in her eye. No matter where I look, she always seems to be right there. After a 3 hour long meet-up, I have 2 fans left and Tyler has just 1.

"Hi!" I smiled, my best fake smile of the day.

"Your faking it... Your eyes are grey Troye.... Don't lie I know something is wrong... I would tell him!" She advises, swiftly walking away. I go to ask who but she gives me a look. I know who she means... I need to tell Tyler. I shake the thought and the last girl, the one who has been watching me all day. The evil glare doesn't stop staring as she stops in front of me. Already I start to panic. Shit. I forgot whilst under pressure I tend to develop my Anxiety. 6 months meditating all for an obnoxious 15 year old to spoil it up. The girl doesn't speak but just scowls at me. Eventually, I see Tyler is getting ready to leave his last fan, just as this girl spoke

"You think you have it all planned out right? WRONG! People may be stupid enough to think you do mean good in the world but trust me when I say this: No one likes you. your mom and dad take pity and hate whenever you cry because then they have to pretend they love you again... Your gay Troye. Your a gay, anorexic fag who to be honest, by the state your in, have been told these 3 words before. GO. KILL. YOURSELF." And with that I lost it, just in time to. Tyler had just said goodbye as  ran out, grabbing my camera, my bag of essentials and a bottle of water. I shoved everything into the bag and ran. I saw my Dongle with unlimited Wi-Fi at the front desk so I took it, hoping it would come in good use.

"Troye? What the fuck! Come back!" Tyler shouts. If I could reply, I would have to turn round and stop. I run out and into some woods, far away from any City Complex. I wonder what is in my bag so I get it all out.

Tyler's POV

I could have killed him... I was just gonna come over to him when I saw he was gone. I looked around and saw him dart out the door. I couldn't keep up with him and before I knew it, he has gone. I don't quite know what to do so I find the only sane person I can find.

"Zoe! Troye... He was talking to a, sorry to say, but a creepy looking fan and he just kinda ran out..." I sniff. She has a split second look of shock. She quickly realised I was in no state to search for my crush so she asked me to go out and search in trees, woods etc. I nod, hoping I would find him first.

Troye's POV (sorry this is necessary for the next bit...)

I lie at the foot of a tree, cold and hungry. I down half a bottle of water and huddle to my knees. I have a crazy idea of how to stay warm. As I get up, I realise my coldness was just another excuse to cut. Tyler or no-one will find me so why not? I take the blade and draw love hearts, smiley faces and the only 3 3words I know how to spell correctly. GAY. FAG. ANOREXIC. I see dried powdered dirt. I gauze up and walk over to it, a large stick in my hand. I draw in the dirt:

I am gay. I love Tyler Oakley and I'm distraught because he doesn't feel the same way...

I put the stick down and collapse against a tree about a foot away from the message for no particular reason. I drift into a deep sleep, never wanting to come out

Tyler's POV

I am walking in some woods when I see a clear patch of dirt. I get my cell phone out and used the flashlight to reveal some writing. The wind had knocked some of it away but I knew who it was from right away. I looked out for him but I couldn't see him. I looked close at the ground and I saw footprints. I looked up and saw an unconscious Troye, blade in one hand and his other lying on the ground limply.

"Troye?" I call out, nudging him a little. He shot awake, gasping as he did so. He looked at me and to the blade. He chucks it away, looking confused as to why he has it. I sat him on the bench slowly and let him talk

"I... I have anxiety... I get nervous under pressure and I just snapped." He mumbles, crying. I don't realise I'm crying until a tear drops onto Troye's hair. I kiss his head and rock him back and forth. We must have fell asleep because when I wake up a couple are admiring us cuddling on the bench.

"Aww.... They aren't... HOMOSEXUALS... are they?" The women of the couple asks her husband

"I doubt they would dare do anything gay in public... No doubt brothers or something..." He murmurs. I pretend to wake up, watching Troye wake up each day. When I look around I wanna kick their asses but I refrain and wake up Troye

"Troye! Lets get you home and cleaned up..." I murmur, softly easing him up. I rung a cab and we got in gladly. As soon as we got back home Zoe wanted details so I mouthed 'Later' she nodded and went off. I lay Troye down in bed and kissed his forehead.

"We need to talk about your erm... sexuality Troye when you get up..." I mumble, blushing. Before he can open his eyes I am out the door and closing it softly

"Well?" Zoe pounces when we get downstairs. She hands me coffee and I tell her how I saw the note, I found him holding a blade but he looked confused holding it. I told her how the couple judged us and how he told me he had anxiety.

"Tyler... I knew the whole thing! I watched it all and you didn't miss out a second of detail! Ty as much as I know you don't want to admit it yet, your in love with Troye." Zoe concludes. I hear a cup smash and my head snaps towards the door,

"Troye!" I yell. I really need to learn to run faster because when I finally get up there he has locked himself in the bathroom

"Troye open up... This isn't a fucking game Troye!" I angrily shout. Anger wont help the situation but I'm powerless above all....

A/N: Ok... Intensely short chapter but when you are up at 4am, miss out on what you woke u for and its now like 6:30 am, I THINK I did pretty well... What do you guys thing? Part 2 will be up soon with more drama ;)

- Livvy LushLaws xoxo

 

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