It was mid-October and Simon and I had decided to go out for dinner for the first time in months.
For weeks, we had barely seen each other, him travelling with the rest of the Sidemen while I was still working and starting new courses at uni.
Since Upload, both of us had been distant and I wasn't sure whether to blame the fallout following his drunk actions that night or his busy schedule for us rarely seeing each other.
Every few days I would make the effort to come to their house, only for him to be busy editing or sleeping to recover from staying up into the early hours of the morning the previous night.
Frankly, until he asked me to go out for dinner, the upcoming party they were planning, to celebrate their Sidemen anniversary, was the best chance I thought I had at interacting with him.
Our meal was reasonably quiet as he chatted away about his ventures to Wales and Ibiza, laughing to himself at the memories, and asking me questions to coax me into an actual conversation with him.
It wasn't that I was uninterested in his trip which I had already heard about through his vlogs. He was completely ignoring that this was the first time we had spoken in days.
As the waitress placed the bill on our table, I politely said, "I'll pay", pulling the bill towards me.
"No, its okay I've got it", Simon said casually, pulling out his wallet.
"Simon, you pay every time we go out," I argued, "even if it's once every few months," I added, mumbling to myself.
Not hearing my last comment, his tone turned sweet, "So? I'd rather spend my money on you," he said, taking out his card.
I lean over the table and lightly kiss him before standing up and walking to the counter to hand the waitress my card. I look behind me and see Simon sighing and getting out of the booth to follow me.
We thank the staff and walk out of the restaurant and towards Simon's car. As we sit down he pulls me in for a kiss and thanks me for dinner.
The drive mostly involved us sitting in a somewhat comfortable silence until Simon spoke up. "Am I dropping you home or are you coming to mine?"
I thought about it for a moment before answering, "Is it okay if I come to yours?"
"Yeah, I just have to re-," he started until I finished his sentence.
"-record later, I know," I nodded, showing my understanding. "I just miss being around you and spending time with you", I said staring at my hands, tangled in my lap.
At the next red light I felt Simon look at me. Softly, he said, "sorry."
I intertwined my hand with his left hand which wasn't on the wheel. "It's fine", I ensured him. "I know you guys have all been busy and you're trying to keep up with your videos at the same time and I'm not blaming you for working hard."
I looked at him for response. Nothing.
"I just miss doing things with you Simon. We never even leave your house when we hang out these days," I laughed to myself.
This whole time he had been staring at the road, silent. He just squeezed my hand tightly but remained quiet.
"Simon?", I asked, only to receive a hum to show he was listening. "You know I'm not angry right? I love that you work hard, and do so much to please your viewers," I lied.
In all honesty, I thought Simon worked himself too hard. His days were always planned around what needed to be filmed, and he wouldn't let himself sleep until there was a video ready for the following day.
Only recently, had I started to get frustrated at how little effort he made to hang out. His commitment to youtube seemed greater than his commitment to me.
But at the same time, after seeing him work everyday, I was in awe of his determination to bring a little happiness to his millions of viewers.
After he pulled into his driveway he leaned over to me and kissed me firmly. "I'm sorry," he apologised again upon moving back.
"I know," I said gently, stroking his jaw.
He opened his door and nodded towards the house, indicating we should head inside. I followed him inside and into his room.
As I put my bag down by his sofa, he came up close to me and as soon as I turned around, brought my lips to meet his.
I felt the butterflies erupt in my stomach as I finally felt a little closer to Simon, for the first time in weeks, our lips moving in sync as they once did at a point in time when he was less busy.
His hands came up under my shirt, exploring my back and then meeting at my jeans to fiddle with the buttons and zipper.
I push him away lightly, "Simon, this isn't what I meant by hang out."
His hands drop from my waist to his sides as he sighs and steps back. "What the fuck do you want to do then? Please tell me, what will make you happy?" His frustration was perfectly clear.
"Why can't we just hang out like we used to?", I asked somewhat calmly, contrasting his exaggerated arm movements.
"And do what? It's fucking night time, we can't just go out to the park for a picnic," he shouted.
"Why not? Let's be spontaneous," I encouraged him, knowing well enough he was going to shut down the idea.
"I have to record," he explained again, seemingly torn between trying to please me and filming.
I rolled my eyes and sat down on his couch in a huff, "of course you do."
"What do you want me to do Hailey?", he raised his voice to me.
"Why can't you just-," I tried to suggest a solution but I had nothing. "We can- What about- Why don't-," I gave up.
"We can do whatever, I just gotta record at 10," he surrendered, holding up his hands in the air.
With only one idea in mind, I told him to wait there while I ran downstairs and scavenged through their freezer to find ice cream.
Eventually, under frozen pizzas, I located Ben and Jerry's and fetching two spoons, I took it upstairs.
I walked back in to Simon's room, holding up the ice cream proudly, before sitting down, leaning against his sofa and opening my favourite dessert.
He followed my lead, sitting next to me, grabbing a spoon and scooping out a mouthful of the ice cream.
For the hour we had until he had to record, we talked about spending more time together and more light-heartedly, the best ben and jerry's flavours and what colour he should next dye his hair.
