Glee: A Brand New Direction (first book of Glee series)

Chapter 45: Redemption

"What is wrong with you?" John asked me as we met up in the choir room for the next performance of the week.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Why would you put her up to it?" he asked. "Why are you meddling? She's fine with Artie. She doesn't need me around."

"Is that what you tell yourself?" I asked him. "Do you prefer pretending that she's the one who walked away for the better?"

"She told you," he said. It wasn't even a question.

"You should apologize and win her back," I said. He laughed. "What?" I asked.

"Oh just wait until you see this next performance," he said. He went over to take a seat.

"Alright, who's up first?" asked Santana. "Wait, where's your brother?" That question was for me.

"I haven't seen him," I said. "He's typically off doing who knows what."

"Hmm..." she murmured. Why did she want to know? I wondered if she was maybe still interested. Her sexuality confused me.

"Well," said Puck. "The guys thought it was about time they got together for some OneDirection. They paired off, rehearsed their numbers, and we should all be very excited to see what they prepared for us. Who's going first?"

"We are," Artie said as he and Jake took their seats in the center of the room, on a stool and well, a wheelchair. Blaine took a seat on the piano and started playing it for them as Puck took his guitar.

Jake: Can't ever get it right. No matter how hard I try. And I've tried.
Artie: Well, I put up a good fight. But your words cut like knives. And I'm tired.
Jake and Artie: As you break my heart again this time...

Jake got off the stool and moved it away and the performance became pretty upbeat. Jake sang to Marley and Artie sang to Kitty. They continued singing the song, which I was later told was called "Tell Me a Lie" and I decided that maybe the two couples weren't as terrible as I thought. Now I knew what the hold up with John was. He sincerely thought Kitty could do better.

The thing between them was kind of awful but at the same time not irrepairable. It was sad though. At the time when their relationship seemed a little odd to me, it was because they were having problems. I'm surprised they kept quiet for as long as they did. John had told Kitty he loved her. And when they were going to have sex, she confessed to him something-- something which she did not tell Marley and I-- and said she couldn't have sex with him. From what she told us, it was not a personal reason and he was really understanding. But she never heard from him again about anything. It might've been because she didn't tell him she loved him in return. And then she tried distracting herself by helping Artie. And John broke up with her. And the inevitable happened. And now there they were. I wish I knew more of the details, but something told me I didn't want to know. 

I was considering letting go and letting them be when Sam and John took the floor for a similar performance. This was more upbeat though, with a lot more dancing. And it was directed at Kitty and me. 

John: Girl that should be me, driving to your house. Knocking on your door, kissing you on the mouth.
Sam: Pulling on your hand, dancing in the dark. Cause I was the only one who loved you from the start.

They sang the chorus together and it was evident what they were trying to tell us. After all, Kitty was sitting with Artie. I was sitting with Ryder, though we weren't exactly snuggling. And their audacious serenading brought back all the love triangle tensions by the time they got to the bridge.

Sam: First touch, first kiss, first girl who made me feel like this
John: Heartbreak, it's killing me, I loved you first-- why can't you see?

They knelt down in front of us and sang the next part together.

John and Sam: I've been waiting all this time to finally say it. But now I see your heart's been taken, nothing could be worse.
Sam: Baby, I loved you first!

They got up and finished the song, "Loved You First." This was probably more intense than when Ryder sang "Innocent Man" to Marley. No, not probably. It was. I was so sure that things couldn't get worse. And then Ryder had to go reclaim his throne as Best Tension Builder with his performance of "More Than This."

He took a stand in front of everyone as Sam took the seat behind me. And he got started.

Ryder: I'm broken, do you hear me? I'm blinded, cause you are everything I see. 

He took a few steps toward me.

Ryder: I'm dancin' alone, I'm praying that your heart will turn around

I was tempted to look back at Sam but I couldn't take my eyes away from Ryder. His look was too addicting. He kept singing and then at some point he knelt down the way Sam had, except he took my hands in his and I could feel all the different emotions circulating throughout the room.

Ryder: When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight, it just won't feel right. Cause I can love you more than this, yeah. When he lays you down, I might just die inside. It just don't feel right. Cause I can love you more than this.

And just like that, I was forced to choose. When the song ended, he pulled me up from my chair.

"Just give me a chance," he whispered, basically forgetting all about the audience we had. "I promise I will be loyal and I will be so, so loving. The past is the past. This is the now and it's going to be an amazing now. If you just give me a chance..."

"Ryder, I..." I said. I turned around to Marley and Kitty who were giving me doubtful looks. "I can think about it," I told him with a nod. That was enough to give him hope. He smiled. We were dismissed. And I didn't even have a chance to apologize to Sam.